Split with OH tonight

pinkydinkydo

Best of luck with everything. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I don't know if this helps now but in the future i am sure things will work out. Sending hugs xx

System

Big higs Eph

Numpty_Monkey

A big:grouphug: " dodgey threesome hug" to all new members of the the singleton club,

xx

ellerose

Hey, you live in Leeds!!! You can buy me a vodka and console me

Lucy1982_2

Well I think I have managed to make it as friendly as possible. I think he may finally understand why I finally called it a day. He seemed to get the 'it wasn't right and I was unhappy' better than the 'your behaviour was making me unhappy and I saw no future' approach.

I have asked him to stop calling me and we have left it that I know where he is if I need him etc. I feel a lot better and can completely relate to everyone who has said they feel like their partner is more of a friend than a lover. Which is so not the way things should be.

I was chatting to my best friend who thinks that I feel so bad because I think I should. I feel relief and even a little excitment at the idea of being on my own, which is great. But a huge part of me says that I should be really sad etc so I am punishing myself for doing something that has made me feel better (go figure the logic on that one! ) So I am trying to stop beating myself up over it.

I have made the best decision for me and even managed to not buy any foxy 'I'm single' high heels today (but only because there were none I liked!!:o) I guess its like loads of things, the end but also the beginning.

Oh and Lenny have you been drinking? Big Higs? :rotfl:

Lucy1982_2

ellerose wrote: »

Hey, you live in Leeds!!! You can buy me a vodka and console me

:rotfl: I like it DFW dating!!

Wiltshire anyone?

Numpty_Monkey

ellerose wrote: »

Hey, you live in Leeds!!! You can buy me a vodka and console me

A fellow lioner:j ok. if you buy me a lager:T

Wol2

Hi Lucy

You clearly weren't getting the "nourishment" you needed from the relationship. You had tried to address that with him and unfortunately you did not get the response you were looking for. You have therefore made the decision that it is best the relationship stopped now....That really is the best and right decision for you...well done..it must have been really difficult... and I wish you all the best for your future happiness.

And yet you still care and are worried that you may have hurt him. You are able to understand the effect your decision/actions may have on him/other people (in my own experience...there are people out there who can't!) Clearly you are a special human being who is not making this decision lightly. So please do not beat yourself up about it.

Having just been on the receiving end myself, I can categorically say that your thread has made me feel there is hope for the future. I wish my ex had shown the same type of regret/remorse/concern for my feelings as you have done... it would have made me feel so much better about him saying goodbye to 4 years of my hard work via a text message dumping me, my love, my loyalty and my friendship... for a "guest".

So please don't feel guilty..even about the no contact thing. As long as you know are doing it for the right reasons (to protect yourself but also in a way that is with respect for him and his feelings)...you have nothing to reproach yourself for.

Yes it will hurt...for both of you...and the person who is being rejected may perhaps feel it longer and more deeply (although if they haven't provided the nourishment you have been looking for, that is not necessarily the case...and let's remember you may have been suffering silent rejection for a considered period of time..)

And I sincerely hope you never think you have failed (as I do!) ...and you should congratulate yourself on being strong..because many of us wouldn't have the courage to do what you have done. ( I didn't...I realise now I should have ended it long ago as the writing was on the wall.....and it would have saved me from so much damage now.......)

There is hope...there ARE people out there who can provide you with the nourishment you need....but you might have to be patient for a bit!

You have made a big step forwards for your own personal wellbeing. Good luck Lucy, keep going with the diary, carry on with diginity...and please don;t beat yourself up about this.... and if you do start...please PM me!!!

Courage mon brave!! As you can see from the posts to date....We are all here for you!!

Much love
Wol2
xxx

Wol2

Blimey!!

I took me so long to write this reply that by the time I post the thread has moved on!!

Glad to see you so positive Lucy and also the rest of the posters.

Mine's a glass of Pouilly fume!

Cheers
Wol2

Lucy1982_2

Thank you Wol2

I am concerned for him as I know his past relationships have ended for the same reasons. And at the end of the day while I may not love him I do care about him.

The guy I split with in 2004 had been having an affair for 10 months and didn't have the courage to tell me he wanted our relationship to end. We were actually 3 month off our wedding day when he eventually told me over the phone. I couldn't do that to myself or someone else again.

I was unhappy and life is not about being unhappy. That's about the only way I can qualify it at the moment. I knew it wasn't right and it was time to move on before things got really complicated. Hopefully this way it will be easier for us both in the long term.