Mooloo's struggle with babies and bills

Savvy_sewing

I have been talking to DD1. Luckily she has the day off work as she is going to pick up the keys to her new house today. I am able to breathe a sigh of relief I suppose since she has found this thread she has found out more of what has been going on in my head then I probably let her know in real life so too speak. She described exactly how I feel and why I feel this low today. It has made me realise that ofcourse I am not alone. I think I have stopped crying..just. I have decided that I will go into work, at 12. I was thinking that I would cop out today, but if I go in and I can make some difference then I will. At least I know that work has been going well, and that I am good at my job. I am even in line for a bonus at the end of the month. I must keep the positive.
I am trying not to feel as if it is doomsday with DS. Lets see what the school say. I am just going to ring them and see if he did make it too school today. If he has made it, then there is hope?
Then I am going to write my letter to the council about my housing benefit, and bite the bullet. If there is a huge amount to pay back, then I will have to bite the MSE bullet too, and get on and find a way of sorting it all out.
I have let time pass too fast, and not been on top, thinking that the Social Services were going to help me, with the split tenancy issues and the rent, etc ,but they have not.
So my eyes have been wiped, my nose blown, and my umpteenth cup of tea nearly finished. (oh and 3 squares of galaxy choccy that Twin2 gave me).

Js_Other_Half

Mooloo wrote: »

So my eyes have been wiped, my nose blown, and my umpteenth cup of tea nearly finished. (oh and 3 squares of galaxy choccy that Twin2 gave me).

<hugs> Chocolate helps with most things I find.

I think because your family dynamics are so complicated, social services probably don't know what to do with you on a financial basis.

I know you've had a solicitor involved in the past, but have you considered your MP?

On the one hand they say the girls don't meet their LD criteria (which varies from area to area I think) but on the other they're afraid of them moving out with the babies?? Either the girls are capable or they're not - I know that within children's LD teams there are some grey areas, and often based on family circumstances a child would meet the criteria rather than solely on their own merit (if that makes sense?)Eg Child with very mild ld who has parent with ld.

Onwards and upwards - and no wonder you are upset - you've an awful lot to deal with.

Savvy_sewing

I have just had one of the other mothers on the phone saying my son is not in school and out drinking somewhere. Have been on a panic and a blind terror. But I have managed to get to the school, and DS is

Savvy_sewing

I have just had one of the other mothers on the phone saying my son is not in school and out drinking somewhere. Have been on a panic and a blind terror. But I have managed to get to the school, and DS is in school so this woman was wrong, and I have just had 30 minutes of extra terror for nothing.
Meanwhile I have cancelled my day at work. I was just too stressed. My assistant has said its ok. Now I need to just absorb what the hell is actually going on and look for that Social Worker/Solicitor/MP. But not now, I am not strong enough at the moment.

Mips

Mooloo wrote: »

I have just had one of the other mothers on the phone saying my son is not in school and out drinking somewhere. Have been on a panic and a blind terror. But I have managed to get to the school, and DS is in school so this woman was wrong, and I have just had 30 minutes of extra terror for nothing.
Meanwhile I have cancelled my day at work. I was just too stressed. My assistant has said its ok. Now I need to just absorb what the hell is actually going on and look for that Social Worker/Solicitor/MP. But not now, I am not strong enough at the moment.

Why would she say you were out drinking when he wasn't?

Was she being nice and trying to forewarn you? Or causing trouble?

~Chameleon~

Hi Mooloo,

I don't know what to say on a practical level to help but just wanted to send you some big <<<hugs>>> and let you know there are people out here who care about you :A

I think you made the right decision not going into work today. I don't know whether either of the twins are home today, but if they are I suggest you send them out for a couple of hours.

What you really need is some ME time so take the phone off the hook, lock the door, then run yourself a huge bubble bath and have a long soak complete with copious amounts of chocolate and maybe a glass or two of wine

Also, big <<<hugs>>> to Biggest Mooloo for taking good care and being there for you :A

Seaxwyn

Hi Mooloo, I'm sorry to hear you are so down and having such a bad time. It's not surprising when you have so much responsibility and so many children giving you cause to worry. It's more than any one person could bear. The social services could surely do more to help - could you or your MP get onto the head of social services dept and ask why they are being so useless?

Savvy_sewing

Well its 7pm and I feel like I have been run over by a steam roller. The twins have been home, the health visitor for BBJ was here, and I let off some of that steam telling her that Social had promised help and it was not there. I didnt hold any punches aboutthem to be honest. I told her how let down I feel and how I think its tearing us apart. The twins started to listen a bit, and although nothing has been done around the home by them, we have had an afternoon of talking. I had problems with twin1 to start with and had to shout at her to get back here when she walked away from me.
It turns out that with the visitors help, she has been to the council back home in Towcester and applied to live back there. That all she needs is a letter from me throwing her out and she can go. She reckons that she can look afer herself. I am worried tht she thinks she can get away from the beady eyes of Social here. Twin2 says that she is not ready to leave home, but both agree that I should not be the one to do everything. But although with a bit of intervention, and help(ish) from house visitor we bashed out that the tensions are pulling us apart when we should be working together. I have told twin1 that if she thinks that she can cope, then she must keep her room, look after her baby, her washing, and the babies and her babies meals, for a whole month, then I may believe that she can cope. I told them both to stop arguing together and to use the time at home to actually enjoy their baby. Prove to me that they can cope, and to do the jobs so that I am not worn out, and then we can all have the lives we should have. I said as a granny I should be able to have my life, visit for an hour or two and then be gone, and or visa versa.!!
In the middle of it all I had to go to the school to collect DS as the stress had brought on yet another migrane.
The nurse in the medical room said how do I cope with it all, and I said well actually today I am not.
When I had problems with the other mother telling me basic lies, I had a heart to heart conversation with the year 10 coordinator lady, and she had already received my email of earlier. She said that she has forwarded my information to the head of year. She has also taken on board what I said and they are going to do thier best to see if a plan can be drawn up before Tuesday the end of term.
My DBF has suggested wisely that I record what I mentioned to the Health visitor, and that goes to the school as well. All the way down to the twins and DS.
I feel exhausted with it all.
Visitor took twins to do the food shopping top up for me, and I had the babies, and tidied up the kitchen for when they got back.
We have just had a very basic sausage, egg and beans. If anyone is still hungry they will have to have bought tesco bread. I will consider making the bread in the breadmachine at the weekend.
My missing keys have turned up at BF's so I can get them at some stage soon. But not today.
BF is working on his little car as its MOT is due this weekend. Its important that that passes as its one of the things (apart from my Portugal) that I love the most. A drive out in the fresh air with the two seater. The wind in the face blows all the cobwebs away, and you dont have to listen to a radio or small talk.
I am going to wait for the babies to have their baths etc, and then I am planning to have that bubble bath and the choccy but I think I will take a rain check on the wine. There is wine there in the fridge but I would rather share it with BF when I see him next.

Keeping_Motivated

Hi Mooloo sorry you've had such a poo time since you got back from nyour lovely weekend. Might not seem like it now but it might be a good thing that things have come to a head, as they do seem to have been brewing over the last few weeks so maybe now there will be some change, fingers crossed eh?

Just a thought on DS if you think he is worried about being behind would a private tutor help to get him back on track? Now I know these things cost and I know that his dad has not had much involvement but seeing as he knows what has been going on with DS and has read him the riot act do you think he would put his hand in his pocket and stump up £15-£20 per week for a private tutor?

Take care
KM x

Savvy_sewing

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Hi Mooloo sorry you've had such a poo time since you got back from nyour lovely weekend. Might not seem like it now but it might be a good thing that things have come to a head, as they do seem to have been brewing over the last few weeks so maybe now there will be some change, fingers crossed eh?

Just a thought on DS if you think he is worried about being behind would a private tutor help to get him back on track? Now I know these things cost and I know that his dad has not had much involvement but seeing as he knows what has been going on with DS and has read him the riot act do you think he would put his hand in his pocket and stump up £15-£20 per week for a private tutor?

Take care
KM x

:rotfl: :rotfl: When I went bankrupt I asked for more childmaintenance as he had never been consistent with the child maintenance. He would occassionally give me £20 a week. The CSA decided that he should be paying me £48 and he and his new wife went mad.
When I pointed out that I could have been asking for money for the previous 14 years, and for all of the children he has got off lightly he seemed to back down and it is paid via the CSA, as and when he manages to pay them. But it was like pulling teeth.
He wouldnt even buy a travel cot so that the twins could go and visit. Expected me to buy it. He wont even give up time to come and collect any of them. He will bring DS back on a Sunday, if I have taken him, or I have paid for him to go on the bus.
He spends about £5 to £10 on them for Xmas, and possibly will remember that they have a birthday. For Biggest of Mooloo he brought her a tea towel from his holiday in Majorca or somewhere.? So would he pay for tutors/////I don't think so.