Please Help! Im only 19!

johanne

As others have suggested can you speak over msn or email or something when your apart? Save on the phone calls and also discreet. Alternatively can you get a really good package on texts on your phone?

My OH and i talk all day long via text.... (he works 84 hours a week and live apart - and so we dont see each other too much - even though we have a baby on the way :rolleyes: ).. we both are on 02 payasyougo and get unlimited texts a month if we top up with £30 each.. so can literally send hundreds of messages to each other each day without paying anything extra - and still have the £30 to chat on the phone - which we use £5 of each month to pay for the bolt on which allows us 1000 minutes to each other too....... so 1000 mins, 10,000 texts and £25 worth of additional credit for other calls for £30 a month each!

If you travel to see her can you get a train? If so get a young persons railcard (can get this up to age of 26) - its £24 for the YEAR and saved 1/3 off trainfare so even if a train ticket to see her was £50 return - equivalent of what you pay on petrol - you could use the railcard and get 1/3 off this taking it to about £35 for the return - so it would pay for itself quite quickly!!

You spend £5 on dinners a day? Take a packed lunch it will be so much cheaper - Maybe buy the stuff for it from tesco to get clubcard points - buy your petrol from Tesco too... then when you get your clubcard vouchers convert them into deals vouchers to pay for hotel rooms or short breaks away etc!

Cutting down seeing each other to every fortnight is probably really a big thing your going to have to face too.. it will be hard (i know) but worth it... my sis and her partner lived 200 miles apart for first 2 years of the relationship and took it in turns to travel by train once a month to see each other - they spoke on the phone every night or via the internet - 7 years on they live together and have a fab little girl so the relationship can last with that distance and only seeing each other once a month.

Way i view it with MY OH (who i sometimes dont see for a week cos of work hours - even though we live 15 mins walk away from each other) is that if he was still in the marines, or if he worked on a ship/oil rig etc we'd have MONTHS apart.. so to only have a week or two weeks apart however hard.. is very lucky still!

Most important thing i think needs addressing though is IF you want this relationship to last you have to look to the future... screwing yourselves financially now to see each other is only gonna make things harder in the future.... theres gonna come a point you just CANT do it anymore.

AND the sneaking about behind parents backs is not helping the situation. I have been in a similar situation where i was the not-approved off girlfriend and my ex even got thrown out of his house by his parents and his mum tried to punch me! So for 6 months we sneaked about seeing each other and lied making excuses etc... and do you know when we got found out... All that made them hate the relationship and disaprove even more!!:rolleyes:

It also made us both question that if we could lie to our parents and other loved ones and sneak about so well - then surely we were capable of doing the same to each other as we both proved we were damn good liars and sneaks! :rolleyes: So the trust couldnt be there anymore and we broke up..!!

At the end of the day your 19 (dont know about your g/f) so legally your an adult and your parents should can not dictate who you can or cant have a relationship with.. they can disaprove of course.. but maybe you need to be honest and say - im with her like it or lump it - and then give them time - you never know they may come to accept that you have made a desicion and are in a serious adult relationship and then you wont have to sneak about or pay for hotels etc etc.. You cant hide the relationship for the rest of your lives.... can you? (incidentally do your parents not question the fact you go away every weekend? where do they think you are??)

If you really love this girl and dont think you can live without her you need to look ahead and BOTH make change to make a future together. Cutting back now and paying off the debt... and then both saving up to allow you to move together etc etc will mean a great future.. whereas for every time you spend £160 for one weekend together.. your holding yourselves back. How about going and putting your debt into the snowball calculator and see how much the extra £320 a month youd save by visiting only once a fornight could make SUCH a difference to your debt-free-date.. allowing you a future together much quicker!!

BTW im only 22 myself so know what its like to be young and in love.. and even though my OH is 31 and weve been together 2 years were still like a bunch of lovestruck teenagers when were together and HATE being apart.. so i can sympathise!

BettiePage

elop_htuos wrote: »

And another thing, instead of using phone so much texting, try msn? If you have access to net? Easier to have convo. then texting and much more immediate response so the same conv. doesnt take like an hr lol

When hubbys away (upto 5 months at a time) we use msn. You can also save the conversations to read back later. Get a webcam and you'll be able to see each other too.

Edit: You both need to sit down and talk to your parents too. Show them you are serious about each other and expect to be treated as adults.

yeslek

if your gf has government funding then she will get about 6-7k per year whilst at uni...thats with her fee's being added to her loan meaning she doesnt need to pay anything from the loan/grants she gets each terms
surely this is enough for her to foot her own mobile?

i have a friend who is in this situation and lives on her own so has to pay for her phone/food/rent/inet etc herself and yes she has a 16 hour per week job but she manages very well.

talk to you gf, she needs to take nothing from you and you owe her nothing.
yes you want to spoil her, but if you cant afford to dont, if she's any kinda gf she wont expect you to spoil her.

btw, where is your work based as £120 for parking seems a bit much.
i've never worked somewhere i have to pay parking for, most businesses (outside of major cites) have car parks or provide staff passes

Skint_Catt

I've always had to pay for my own parking. At the branch it was £3 a day or here at HQ I do the Park n Ride which is £2 a day. Its unfortunate but unavoidable sometimes. Could you ask your company is they could subsadise it?

Lizalu

BettiePage wrote: »

When hubbys away (upto 5 months at a time) we use msn. You can also save the conversations to read back later. Get a webcam and you'll be able to see each other too.

Edit: You both need to sit down and talk to your parents too. Show them you are serious about each other and expect to be treated as adults.

I agree with the above, you should both talk things over with your parents, i get it's a story you don't want to share here but you clearly want to be together, it's the secrecy that's driving you to debt.

also, BETTIPAGE - i love that signature!

elle_gee

Have you looked into National Express coaches too as a means of getting to see your gf?

Any overtime going at work? You could do extra at weekends, which would mean you would save the money you'd have spent going to see your gf, you'd be earning even more money and you'd have something to do to occupy yourself during the time you'd usually spend with your gf.

kpey

When your mobile contract runs out 3 have PAYG Skype mobile phones - you can get 2 for £89.99 - then top up £10pm and have unlimited Skype calls. Admittedly the phone is not GREAT but I can text and call on it and that's what matters!

Ah I am only 24 but I wish I was 19 again! So sweet! (Although ultimately very expensive apparently!)

BettiePage

Lizalu wrote: »

also, BETTIPAGE - i love that signature!

Thank you. Yours has an interesting story behind it (just googled it ). What made you use it?





Sorry OP.

debrag

my OH would love to spend all his money on me but has none so can't lol He only lives the other side of the thames to me but it can be week between us seeing each other - I work normal office hours, he works in a shop a fare way from his house so I don't see him those night unless he's not working the next day.
There is a 21 yr age gap (me 21 him 47) but we both still miss each other lots but realise we need to work to pay off the debts - well me really, he went br years ago and only has a debt to his ex which he pays a little a month (I have no idea how much, none of my business apparently lol as his wages go into her account). To think my ex (still a close friend) makes £50k + a year, as no rent or mortgage & no other debts - goes to show money isn't everything

deehill

Hi All,

I have taken on board alot of these suggestions.

MY next actions will be;

Cutting phone bill by at least half - saving £50
Seeing my girlfriend 3 times a month - saving £160
Cutting food down by buying from supermarkets/making at home - saving hopefully £60

Moving to a further away carpark saving £50

Total saving so far - £320

If i put £350 a month into the dept for now that will get me on the right road, and then i need to find a 2nd job possibly.

I could sell my old tv for like £100

I have a citroen C4 Coupe which is now worth £5,000 as i have done 60,000 miles in it.

I have just found out i am getting a company van, it costs £50 in tax a month but i save in the long run.

So because of this, i will most likely sell my car.

Still, I am really scared that i owe £5,000 and after i have looked at the figures that i am going to be in dept for a good couple of years :S

I have to thank a good few of you who posted long posts and everyone here has helped. I will continue to post and ask for advice (if this is ok?)

Please continue to post in here if you can think of more ideas to help...