Money Moral Dilemma: Should we drive my mother-in-law over when she doesn't pay towards petrol?

rinkydinkydoo

In years gone by she probably spent plenty of time as the taxi driver, now the position is reversed, pay it back in kindness.

Pixel_Runner

I just worked out how much it would cost me...

£2.80 with my car (and I calculated that on 160 miles - one trip to pick her up and another to drive her home).

Why are you worrying so much over such a small amount?

Calculations for ref:
160 miles / 4 (m/kWh) = 40kWh
40 kWh * £0.07 (price per unit) = £2.80

Cantandrex

Such a shame that someone of that age who would be used to paying their way does not offer, unprompted. This is tbh something that your spouse should discuss with their Mum - maybe it is not a large sum of money, but there is a principle involved!

silvercar

Grumpy_chap said:

How many miles did the MiL do taking your spouse to places as a child?
Work out that total and then tally off each round trip against that total.
No discussion about petrol costs until the total mileage now to ferry MiL exceeds the total mileage ferry your spouse as a child.

Parents ferrying children around is literally their job! They can't charge for it, as a young child has no income. 

Not sensible to make the comparison now. That said, the contribution now should only be considered if one party is short of money, otherwise it just goes with the territory.

Remember that some families may have cash but not time, so the resentment is the time spent ferrying rather than the cost of doing so.

Lindamar_

Oh gosh, some strong comments. I get where you're coming from. My mil is exactly the same, she would never consider bringing something to say thank you for the countless dinners we've invited her for or lifts given to appointments or jobs done around the house. Never a nice gesture and all one sided effort. Feeling like she is entitled. You can't change a person's personality, but I get it that it causes resentment over time. You either need to bluntly ask her to pay for some fuel or if you can't, put up with how she is. I don't agree with the pay back comments for your wife's upbringing. She didn't ask to be born.

meknowalot-51

What i would do is collect your mil and before taking her back you all go for a meal.Maybe you could all have a laugh with your mil who is 80 years old and create some lasting memories.

jedav

What does your spouse think?

wurley

  It's part of being a family. Sounds like you are judging her way with money, rather than actually having difficulty finding the fuel costs. Be nice. Your other half needs you to be supportive rather than critical of the mother in law's ways. 

mlz1413

If this is every week then I can see the cost being an issue. BUT there others things you could do than ask for petrol money.

You could go and visit her, instantly halving the fuel.

Have you explored meeting up? IE can MIL get a bus to town or a retail park and you meet for tea and cake? 
Or is there a bus to a half way point?
A single bus trip can be around £3.

Could you ask if you pick her up that she brings a dessert to add to any meal.

Asking for fuel for your spouse and mother to keep in touch does seem petty.  But your circumstances and commitments are unclear.

MACKEM99

When my mum was around several years ago I drove 160 miles to her house.  Stayed overnight and brought her back to our house next day to stay with me and my other half for Christmas.  The weather was terrible both ways, very heavy snow.  Took her back using same method.  I would never have dreamed of asking for her to pay.  On other occasions  I paid return train fare for her to visit us.  She is my mum!😀