Money Moral Dilemma: Should we drive my mother-in-law over when she doesn't pay towards petrol?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My mother-in-law, 80, wants to visit me and my spouse. All of us are retired. My mother-in-law doesn't drive, and it's an 80-mile round trip to collect her and take her home again. In the past, she hasn't offered to pay towards petrol, and while she's not short of money, she rarely shares anything with us. How do we deal with this?

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Brie

Offer to help her book a cab/uber but ensure that she knows it's up to her to pay. 

Mark_d

I would let your spouse make the final decision her.  The spouse may well offer to cover the costs.  But how much would the 80 mile round trip really cost in fuel?  I suspect it's a tiny amount of money you'd spend each year.

I think you should have a conversation with your spouse about how things come across with your MIL's attitude to spending money and covering costs.

pseudodox

This is a decision for your spouse to make.  I never expected my Mum to pay for any costs I incurred in visiting her or bringing her to stay with me (a 450 mile round trip).  I regarded it as small return for what she had done for me - from wiping my nose & bum as a baby/infant, washing, ironing & cooking throughout my childhood, and bringing casseroles & cakes to me when I was a student.

sheramber

You sound like my mil who stopped offering a lift to neighbours waiting for the bus home as it was extra wear and tear on the car. 

Katecooks

Guess it depends on how short of money you are and if driving her is causing you hardship. If so, say so. However, I'm guessing she hasn't asked your spouse for all the money spent during the childhood years. I'm also assuming as she's 80 and you and spouse have chosen to retire early ( you are clearly not 67 yet, unless your spouse was born when your MIL was 13), it's likely you'll inherit in future. Take the advice of Dr. Green on ER!
"Be generous with your time and love"

keithyno.1

So it's an 80-mile round trip to collect her and take her home again. We don't know what car you drive and how many miles you get to the gallon/litre but I hardly think this 80-mile round trip is going to use up a full tank of petrol. So it's certainly not going to bankrupt you, is it?

It's your spouse's mum, for god's sake! And you're considering charging her for the fuel cost, just like a taxi driver would??! 

Looking at the situation from another angle, is your spouse named as a beneficiary in your mother-in-law's will (you say she's not short of money)? If so, are you seriously worrying about 80 miles worth of petrol? 

I sense an underlying issue here and suspect that you just don't want to have your mother-in-law visiting you at all, especially as you have to drive to collect her and then take her home again. This is something you need to be having out with your spouse, but to be making it all about the cost of half a tank of petrol or whatever is a bit cheap and nasty in my opinion. 

Owenmore

If it causes you financial hardship , say something. She may not be aware how much you need to spend. If you can afford it with no hardship, consider it payback. 

Moneycraver05

Ask yourself, if you get to 80 and your son wants to charge you for fuel so you can see him, how would you feel? Personally I'd cut you both from my Will. 

PegasusPJ

this is a discussion with your spouse, about their mum's, not for strangers.

my mum leaves 1000km away in another country. it cost me minimum £150 return and often far more, and right now as she is 99 years old i am doing it every couple of months (some i tagged on holidays and paid for my partner flights too).

i never would expect her to pay for it.

gothvixen

My Dad's BiL charged us (2 adults, 2 children) an unreaonable amount to stay in the small caravan that was in their drive, and said it included utilities and wear and tear on his car if he gave us a lift anywhere. My Auntie was furious when she found out. It's parsimonious to expect her to pay and would create unwarranted ill feeling.