Money Moral Dilemma: Should we drive my mother-in-law over when she doesn't pay towards petrol?

KxMx

Going agains the grain here, I think it's rude of MIL not to offer something towards petrol costs.

wisowis

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My mother-in-law, 80, wants to visit me and my spouse. All of us are retired. My mother-in-law doesn't drive, and it's an 80-mile round trip to collect her and take her home again. In the past, she hasn't offered to pay towards petrol, and while she's not short of money, she rarely shares anything with us. How do we deal with this?

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I would suggest, rather than a day visit, invite her to stay over a night or 2. Possible pick her up Friday & drop her back Sunday. Suggest you have Sunday lunch out on the way back to hers, and split the bill. Remind her, your a Pensioner too. if she's not agreeable to this, then drop her back Sunday to deal with lunch herself. After all you will have entertained her with a meal Friday & Saturday. You may find midweek better for you, but you will at least have done your bit. Doing this once a month would be more than fair, even if you make it a single overnight stay.    

Sally1964

Have a heart for your MIL. She's in her twilight years. If you don't like her for whatever reason, it's highly unlikely she's going to change now. If I reach 80, I hope there would be a compassionate person in my life. I am not part of a close family.

Dazed_and_C0nfused

Moneycraver05 said:

Ask yourself, if you get to 80 and your son wants to charge you for fuel so you can see him, how would you feel? Personally I'd cut you both from my Will. 

This ^^^^^

alggomas

You must be pretty tight person,
Do you charge your wife for taking her shopping?
If you can afford a car/service/insurance you can afford the occasional visit.
Methinks you cannot be bothered. 

YorkMinster

You seem nice. 

Sea_Shell

KxMx said:

Going agains the grain here, I think it's rude of MIL not to offer something towards petrol costs.

Never underestimate family's ability to take the Mick in any given situation.

Not everyone has good relationships.

Obligation often leads to resentment.

Posts of "i wish my [family member] was still here" aren't helpful to those struggling with complicated family dynamics.

ShadowPurrs

I think some are being a tad harsh on the OP. Please remember not all families are the same.

My husband and I live a fair distance from my late parents, and I was never very close with them growing up, or indeed later in life. However, I still felt it was my responsibility to do what I could when they were no longer able. Whether that be take dad to hospital appointments (an ever longer journey), or run around doing what was needed for my housebound mum once dad had passed.

Now, my parents were brought up with a strong pay-your-own-way ethic, so they would always try to give petrol money if we took them to hospital appointment, etc. We always refused except when they really insisted - it's a pride thing, I think. Especially after dad was gone, mum was very insistent we be compensated, so we did take a little every few times.

My point is that there are differences in attitudes - it may be that the OP's family usually do 'pay their own way' so they are feeling taken advantage of, or slighted.

If it were me and I could afford it I would not say anything - is it really worth the possible recriminations and upset? Probably not. (Regardless of the will situation - one should have no bearing at all on the other - if it did it would be extremely petty, no?).

la531983

What is this in relation to?

la531983

Oh I see now

@alggomas you need to reply on the actual thread

Money Moral Dilemma: Should we drive my mother-in-law over when she doesn't pay towards petrol? — MoneySavingExpert Forum