Money Moral Dilemma: Should we drive my mother-in-law over when she doesn't pay towards petrol?

Gonesailin

You both sound mean spirited. However it would never occur to me to ask my mother for petrol money. When my mother had money troubles she paid his petrol which was reasonable. If you are that short go back to work.

WealloveMSE

Do you think your MIL has a sense of entitlement and takes advantage of you? Does she never do anything for you or pay for treats, gifts etc? Is she appreciative of the lifts? All this may be at play here, there's more than meets the eye in this situation.
Usually family members help each other out and don't expect to be financially compensated. It's also not uncommon to offer some money or a gift (which you can refuse but the gesture has been made) to show you realise the cost/effort gone to. Different folks, different strokes eh?

Shell1989

Honestly, you're coming across mean. My husband and I are in the process of bringing his Mum to live in England from another country. To make her comfortable we are buying her a house, we will pay her mortgage, her bills, and give her a monthly allowance for food and travel - and she's only 63! She's not sick, or disabled, this is just my husband's culture. We aren't rolling in money, we work extremely hard to be able to take care of our basic needs and the needs of our loved ones. I wish all my MIL wanted was to come and see us once a year, and that all it would cost me was petrol for a round trip and some food. Your MIL is 80, keep being as kind to her as you can, she really isn't asking for much. Comparison can be sobering...

Grumpy_chap

How many miles did the MiL do taking your spouse to places as a child?
Work out that total and then tally off each round trip against that total.
No discussion about petrol costs until the total mileage now to ferry MiL exceeds the total mileage ferry your spouse as a child.

PerpetualMotion

If you want her to visit don’t charge her. If you don’t want her to visit pro rata the average rent for your area to an hourly rate and charge her rent for the time she is in your house in addition to the petrol money.

tayknthyme

You say MIL is not short of money but you don't say what your financial status is. If you are not short of money don't be so flippin' mean. If you ARE short of money tell MIL, explain the situation. I'd love to know what Les Dawson would have had to say on this one :-)

judgingjudy

Why does everyone act all outraged about these posts when they're just made up for engagement? It's clickbait; just don't respond to it.

grassmarket

 Is MSE Towers short of real dilemmas this week? Would anyone who’s genuinely as passive aggressive as this OP, really choose to expose themselves to such unanimous condemnation? Or are they manipulating us all: amusing themselves at our expense, with a fake dilemma? Are they simply watching us scurry round - trying to respond seriously (& with admirable restraint!) to this egregious & preposterous ‘dilemma’?
 
The decision to select this item for the Dilemma feature raises some other concerning questions too. Such a ridiculous ‘dilemma’ damages the credibility & usefulness of the whole concept. It encourages even more people (of whom there are plenty on the site already!) to conclude that Dilemma is a fake. It also suggests that the true purpose of the feature is simply to provide some light entertainment;  to add a bit of ‘froth’. Is Dilemma really that trivial to MSE? If so then that’s a great shame, because other people’s real dilemmas have lead to many useful & insightful contributions from Forumites, which have no doubt helped many here with their own, similar dilemmas in real life.

In the spirit of Money Saving (which is, after all, the ethos of the MSE site) I can’t see anything to be gained by perpetuating this as a ‘dilemma’.
It serves only to gratify either the OP’s ego or their masochistic proclivities - whichever it is.

JainEm

I drove from London to Cornwall to visit my elderly auntie at least once a year for about the last 30 years until she passed last year at the age of 103. 240 miles each way and usually around 6 hours each way. She wasn't actually a blood relative, but she'd been my mum's best friend since their 20s and I'd known her all my life. I'm not well off but I didn't work out how much it cost because she was precious to me. Unless you are really short of cash, it sounds like you're not fond of your MIL. Either way you need to talk to your spouse about your dilemma not this forum.

JayD

Unless you are hard pressed for cash, suffering s physical impairment that makes the driving tortuous, it seems pretty petty to be silently fretting over the cost of your petrol and the length of the drive.

Who knows what lies ahead for any of us?

As Katecooks said "Be generous with your time and love" (and money too).