Money Moral Dilemma: Should we drive my mother-in-law over when she doesn't pay towards petrol?

LadyBee_2

I cannot believe this is a serious question.      Forty miles there, forty miles back equals a few litres of petrol........presumably you are not doing the journey every day?    Why don't you take your spouse out for a nice ride over to see MIL for a change?      She is family, for goodness sake!

Jm2207

This is not a dilemma it's disgusting! I've lost my Mum and I'd give ANYTHING to see her again. Unless you're broke this should not cross your mind

bikaga

So let's be real here: "an 80 mile round trip to collect her and take her home again" is 20 miles each way, which is likely around half an hour of driving each way, unless you live in the middle of a big city. If you've got a car with around 40 mpg just to make it a bit easier for the maths, that'll be around 8 litres of petrol, so not much more than a tenner and a bit of time. (If I've misunderstood then it's 40 miles each way, still not that much time and ££.)

Is your 80-year-old mother-in-law worth that to you and your wife? Only you two can decide that. It doesn't sound like it happens once a week, you don't mention if she has easy public transport options or if you need the money urgently.

Is an 80 year old woman whose money (or part of) your wife will likely inherit one day still responsible for giving her retired daughter a contribution to petrol costs for a relatively cheap trip just so they can see each other? It sounds a bit whiny to be honest (again, if you really need the ££, that's different). If you don't want to do it, just tell her. Or maybe you can visit her so you only need to make the trip once and she can "pay" you in tea and biscuits if you don't want to do things for her for free.

I did that kind of drive recently for my partner's aunt and uncle whom I'd met exactly once before, despite having a full-time job and not that much free time and them not having raised any of us, and yet somehow I managed to do it without asking the internet for advice or even considering asking them for money

uk2009

So how many times is she wanting to visit? If you are THAT hard up to afford the petrol then you really have only one choice and that is to drop a strong hint you need help with the cost otherwise you can only do the trip once in a while. 

Scillydiver

Why don't you suggest to your mother-in-law that to save you doing two trips, that you and your spouse would like to go to see her and take her out for a meal? If that's not possible for some reason, then do the return trip and don't make a fuss about the cost - an 80 mile round trip for a relative is surely not a big deal. 

fabulous_at_any_age

My conscience wouldn't allow me to ask for petrol money, family is family I see it as out of order to do anything for money when it's family. If however you really can't afford the petrol just say that to her. I'm sure she would understand but if it were me I'd rather go without something so I can afford it

Northern_Smiler

Can you not afford the fuel?

If this is the case, you should discuss it with your spouse and work out a way forwards together. Your mother-in-law may simply not think about the cost of running a car given that she’s a non-driver. 

I take my friend, also a non-driver,  on similar trips. She doesn’t give me money for fuel. I wouldn’t accept it if she did as the journey is  inexpensive and I am glad to do her the favour.

Can you afford it? 

If so, then shame on you. it seems that you make those journeys begrudgingly. The crux of your post leans more towards your mother-in-law’s finances and how much money she has and how little of it is shared with you.If you are able to afford it, carry on without mentioning it to your spouse as I’m sure your spouse is very grateful to you. Family is important. 

pollypenny

It's what families do. Your 80 miles is no distance.   

If I was your mother -in- law I don't think I'd want to visit you. You obviously resent her. 

Ed264

Firstly, we're talking about your wife's mum. She has a moral obligation to take care of her mum, who is 80. You and your wife are retired and I'm guessing your wife is no older than 60.

Petrol is, for arguments sake, £6 per gallon. Let's guess your car will do 40mpg. You have a round trip of 80 miles, so the car uses 2 gallons of petrol at a cost of £12. 

Let's guess your mother-in-law visits once per month, costing you £12.

Not a big deal, is it? If I was in your situation, I'd keep my mouth shut, bearing in mind that when your mother-in-law is no longer with you, your wife is likely to be a beneficiary of her will.

Apologies for being abrupt, but some of these 'dilemmas' aren't really significant, in my humble view. 

Woamwedo

Wow, so much to unpick from that. Depends on relationships and other factors. Do you owe a childcare debt perhaps, or expect the proceeds of a will? An extremely greedy and selfish outlook and one you were probably better keeping to yourself.