Money Moral Dilemma: How do I speak up about how shared restaurant bills are split?

Docsaibal

Interestingly this exact scenario played out in real life for me last week. There were 8 of us, two couples and a family of three, plus me. I had a fish and chips mains and a coke, some of the others steaks, Bloody Marys, whiskeys and beers. My share of the bill came to just over £20 and our leader insisted on splitting the bill evenly into 4 ‘families’ making each share £81. 

When the waiter sticks the card machine under your nose it’s awkward to query it in public like that. I very calmly and neutrally asked our leader (who incidentally was a family of three) separately the next day how the bill was divided and he confirmed it was no accident, admitting I had probably paid ‘a little bit more’ but this was the way they had always done it and in future would continue to do so; furthermore, this was the way large parties operated. I accepted the hit with a simple OK, even though it stung big time—I have had very little work over 2 years and this was a huge chunk of my monthly budget—silently vowing to ensure I made it clear the next time I would ask to pay my own bill and anyone who didn’t like it could lump it.

Funnily enough, the other families noticed this discrepancy and, unbidden, took up cudgels on my behalf. The leader did not budge and stuck to the ‘party’ line. They quietly and unobtrusively offered to make up the difference to me without the leader’s knowledge and agreed the next time everyone would pay their share separately. They didn’t need to do this, effectively subsidising the leader on my behalf while attempting to distribute the u fairness a bit more evenly, and I was very touched by their kindness. The two attitudes could not have been more different.

Pollycat

Docsaibal said:

Interestingly this exact scenario played out in real life for me last week. There were 8 of us, two couples and a family of three, plus me. I had a fish and chips mains and a coke, some of the others steaks, Bloody Marys, whiskeys and beers. My share of the bill came to just over £20 and our leader insisted on splitting the bill evenly into 4 ‘families’ making each share £81. 

When the waiter sticks the card machine under your nose it’s awkward to query it in public like that. I very calmly and neutrally asked our leader (who incidentally was a family of three) separately the next day how the bill was divided and he confirmed it was no accident, admitting I had probably paid ‘a little bit more’ but this was the way they had always done it and in future would continue to do so; furthermore, this was the way large parties operated. I accepted the hit with a simple OK, even though it stung big time—I have had very little work over 2 years and this was a huge chunk of my monthly budget—silently vowing to ensure I made it clear the next time I would ask to pay my own bill and anyone who didn’t like it could lump it.

Funnily enough, the other families noticed this discrepancy and, unbidden, took up cudgels on my behalf. The leader did not budge and stuck to the ‘party’ line. They quietly and unobtrusively offered to make up the difference to me without the leader’s knowledge and agreed the next time everyone would pay their share separately. They didn’t need to do this, effectively subsidising the leader on my behalf while attempting to distribute the u fairness a bit more evenly, and I was very touched by their kindness. The two attitudes could not have been more different.

Why am I not surprised by this...

It's a pity that the other 2 couples didn't stand up to the leader at the time.
How nice (not) for him to get 3 meals for £81.00.

Not sure what you mean by 'leader' but he's certainly not a friend.