Money Moral Dilemma: How do I speak up about how shared restaurant bills are split?

[Deleted User]

I am much the same as you. If I’m driving I certainly don’t drink alcohol, and although I’m not vegetarian I don’t much care for meat. My typical meal when I’m out would be either chicken/fish-based or veggie pasta/salad. In my own experience, the only time each individual has been required to pay for their own meal has been when I’ve gone out with work colleagues. We have never split the bill equally; instead we just pay for what we have personally ordered. We then pay a percentage of that amount each towards the tip at the end. This works perfectly for everyone and stops the problem of any greedy individuals grasping the opportunity to indulge at others’ expense. In your shoes, I would let the others know this is how you wish it to be organised in the future. If they won’t agree, the answer is simple. It’s not your job to be subsidising other people!

Shell1989

I don’t drink alcohol but most of the people I dine out with do, and what I find is that they kerb it at just one drink, in which case I’m happy to split the bill (our food is generally about the same cost). If they order more than one drink though, they will normally offer to pay the difference that the alcohol made to the bill total. The fact that your companions let you split the bill when you say they order bottles of drink - tells me they aren’t good friends. I’d make a point of explaining that you’re just going to pay for yourself in future and if they don’t like it good ridence to them!

Olenna

I personally split equally or pay roughly my share including tip (if there are large differences) but would also consider the event and company involved. 

Vegetarian dishes and bottled water aren't always cheaper so I wouldn't play that card too much.

gloriouslyhappy

Don't bother with the ‘I hope you don’t mind’ nonsense, just say to the wait staff when you’re ordering your meal that you’ll be paying separately. If any of the group question this, tell them friendly but firmly that as you don’t drink you won’t be splitting the bill. Job done! Sets the precedent for the next outing.

Toothsaver2018

I've had this issue over the years. I now pay for what I consume and pay towards the service charge. I don't drink alcohol and tend to eat one course. My most recent bill was £20 if it was split evenly I would have paid £38......pay for what you eat! 

clarryd

When we go out we all pay our own way separate bill is the way forward. I don’t drink alcohol either and refuse to pay for others. I always have a soft drink and a jacket potato so paying a share of someone’s cocktail and steak meal is just ridiculous.
Get a separate bill and then it’s clear to the rest of your friends that your only paying for what you have had and obviously a tip for service, you can either give that yourself when you pay or give it to the person who is collecting the main bill.

Bravebart

I'm convinced in these situations the others know what they're doing as who would want a higher bill so they take the opportunity knowing those that have consumed less don't have the confidence to speak up. Just tell them. I believe there's some very good apps for bill splitting which may help.

JulieAC

Surely if you’re dining with people who know you and care for you, they’ll understand. I would be saying at the point of the meal being arranged that I need to pay for my food separately. 

When I don’t drink - nor eat meat, nobody expects me to pay the same as everyone else. They always calculate the rest of the bill for splitting - it’s only fair.
Be bold and honest - people will agree it’s fair, and if they don’t…you know who to avoid eating out with! 

Pollycat

How do How do I speak out about how bills are split without others kicking off?

You open a polite dialogue with the other diners - whom I assume are your friends - about how you don't feel it's fair that you pay towards others consumption of meat and alcohol.

If you really do think they'll kick off, maybe you should be reviewing the friendships you (think you) have.

I would never expect anyone else to contribute towards my menu choices.

ButterCheese

You just say "we're just going to pay for what we had, as we're a bit skint at the moment".  Anyone who has a problem with that is not worth your time.  If there's any issue, you just don't eat out with them again.  Real friends will not have a problem with it