Money Moral Dilemma: How do I speak up about how shared restaurant bills are split?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

When eating out with others, I feel I'm usually expected to split the bill evenly. Yet I don't eat meat or drink alcohol, and only take water with my meal. I'm not stingy, but feel put off eating out when expected to pay the same as others who have indulged in steaks and bottles of wine. How do I speak out about how bills are split without others kicking off?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.
Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.
View past Money Moral Dilemmas.

Flugelhorn

I would suggest you do this by email beforehand - the others really shoudn't kick off

other option is just to say "well I had X and Y so mine comes to Z" - probably find others will follow suit

Jodo

I must be honest, I really do not like having to split bills with others in a group, so I tend to dine alone or just with my family. If forced to dine in a group I keep a tally of what my bill comes to and ask the server for a separate bill. I agree that you shouldn’t be forced to pay a share of other people’s eating and drinking preferences. Just speak to your companions beforehand politely and explain what you are going to do. If they don’t like it that’s their problem. Maybe choose different dining companions?

Wolfdog2022

Several ways to solve this one.
Just quietly ask the waiter for a separate bill please.
Failing that, just pipe up when asked, I hope you don’t mind, but is it OK if I have a separate bill please, as I don’t drink or eat meat?
Another one, As I don’t eat meat or drink alcohol, and I’m on a tight budget, I hope you don’t mind, but I’m just gonna pay for my bill separately. 

Confidence, assertive, but polite. 😇

Ed264

I say just politely ask for your bill to be separate. If these people are true friends, they should understand and have no issues with accommodating your position. If any of them did kick off, then you should ask yourself if you really want to be in their company anyway. In other words, are they friends at all?

prettyandfluffy

Ask for a separate bill at the time you order, within earshot of the others. 

LadyBee_2

If, until now, you have always paid an equal share, without saying anything, then I would imagine your companions really just haven't given it a moment's thought.     Am sure they would understand that a separate bill for you would be fairest in future.

Erica51

It depends how much you want to continue going out to eat with these friends.  Either split the bill or find some non-meat eating, teetotal friends to go out to eat with.

Groom

The trouble with splitting the bill is that you often get someone who orders far more extravagantly than they would if they knew they had to pay for it themselves. When you order always tell the waiter that you want a separate bill - you may find others in the group will be quite happy with that and will follow. If anyone does query it, tell them the reason and say that you can't afford to pay for what you don't eat. If they don't like it, it shows they are more interested in getting a meal cheaply than your company! 

twopenny

Believe me it's still tricky.
I used to play in a quiz league and only drank a half pint. Others would be double gin and tonic, double rum and such and I couldn't afford rounds like that. I'm not in that income bracket.
I made the statement up front and at first it was understood. Then the pressure to buy me a drink and acceptance or refusal was not always taken well. 

But meals or drinks I find it's those that want to indulge the most or have the most money who want the bill split.

HMM0987123

I only have one course and a soft drink when out as usually driving.  My companions three courses and a few drinks so always pay my own bill. Never had a problem.