Money Moral Dilemma: How do I speak up about how shared restaurant bills are split?

Docsaibal

I was going to say that there is no need for feeble-sounding excuses, but learned colleagues above have pointed that discrepancy out very nicely. The same way as reminding your employer/creditor to pay you on time as you’re ‘struggling to pay the bills’—totally irrelevant to the principle of prompt settlement of invoices and debts, and apologetic to the point of losing self-respect. 

It’s a good idea to ask the waiter up front to get you a separate bill—I’m now made more aware of this option, thank you. Agree that assertiveness is largely a learned skill and not coming naturally to most people creates the kind of precedent discussed above thst makes it harder in the long run. And shocking that the ones who tend to keep quiet are the lobster, caviar and spirits-swilling gourmands. By doing so you’re quietly calling out a blatantly unfair practice in the name of communal conviviality. 

Curlingstar

It's not just those who don't drink alcohol at all, but often designated drivers are (or should be) non drinkers! So to deal with that part of the bill, why not suggest there's a food bill and a separate drinks bill. You might not be the only one in the group not drinking.

grandadsussexleftofcentre

What if participants wanted to pay according to how much they enjoyed it, who wanted to arrange it, how much any person dominated proceedings? Or whether someone bought children and everyone had to join in supervision or in some other way were impacted?  I guess we take part in social events or we don’t. If you only drink tap water provided free at tables, then maybe it’s reasonable to ask for separate bills for food and drinks and only split the food part. But if the issue is participants being excessive in buying alcohol then you have to address that issue with them directly beforehand. If that’s too painful then there’s your answer. 

Pollycat

This reminds me of the Barclays bank advert with the kids around a restaurant table where one asks who ordered the calamari.

Eccentrica_Gallumbits

prettyandfluffy said:

Ask for a separate bill at the time you order, within earshot of the others. 

I agree with this. It's not a big deal and waiters get asked for this kind of thing all the time for people who have different requirements to the rest of the group. I must admit, I don't drink and rarely eat meat, but meat/fish costing more is something I wouldn't have thought of. Still, I think it's perfectly fair and reasonable to make this request civilly to the waiting staff.

What I wouldn't do is mention to your friends that you have a tight budget. They probably already know if that's the case, but every single person could ask for a separate bill if they wanted. (The waiting staff wouldn't like it much, no doubt, but still, they could.) It's nothing to do with having a tighter budget than the others. It's your choices costing less that is the reason you're asking for the separate bill - not the reason behind the choices that matters - and nobody can argue with that, IMHO. 

The only time I think it's really sensible to have an equal split between all parties eating is when you've all eaten more or less the same amount of similar food and drunk roughly similar amounts of alcohol. 

ksel

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

When eating out with others, I feel I'm usually expected to split the bill evenly. Yet I don't eat meat or drink alcohol, and only take water with my meal. I'm not stingy, but feel put off eating out when expected to pay the same as others who have indulged in steaks and bottles of wine. How do I speak out about how bills are split without others kicking off?

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Take out cash, put what you owe in the middle of the table plus a little extra for a tip. If others query it say you’ve set yourself a budget and brought out enough money to cover what you have. Good luck 

fern37

My friends are very observant and caring. They won't suggest splitting the bill equally if they know that I haven't had any alcohol. When I was very short of money, they paid for my meal so I am very lucky to have wonderful friends.

Speak up and say that you would like to pay separately. If your friends are caring then they will understand. If they insist on splitting it equally then time to make new friends! 

Forum_man

I personally hate splitting bills at a restaurant as I like a drink and usually a starter and I don't feel I can do this if everyone isn't having them, I would speak up and say you hadn't had as much as me so you shouldn't pay the same amount 

Rosa_Damascena

I didn't have the calamari, so I'm not paying for the calimari.

bikaga

If you go out with people who know you and they don't offer to have you pay less in the first place then there's no need for you to be overly polite. 

If it's say a work dinner, you could suggest that everyone pays for their own drinks - not all meat dishes are steak, so you're likely not the only one supplementing the 2 / 10 people who do eat steak. Unless of course you go to the kind of place where the only veggie dish is a much cheaper salad or just a side dish...