Money Moral Dilemma: How do I speak up about how shared restaurant bills are split?

primrose_penguin

If I was out with friends regularly and could see one of them was not drinking the same or eating food in the same price bracket I would have piped up and said I think it is unfair, and would they prefer to pay for their own meal. If they are true friends they should not object, perhaps you could suggest each pays for their own. We go out a few times a year on friends birthdays and instead of giving presents we pay equally for that friends meal, but separately for our own, you can then eat and drink what you want as you are paying for yours. If it was being evenly shared I would not want to go for something more expensive than anyone else, so it would perhaps stop me from having what I would really like. Perhaps you are not the only one who feels like this in your group??

JayD

Before you are next asked to go for a social meal, I think you should explain your feelings and the reasons for wanting a fairer split of the bill, and say that you think it would be fairer and easier if you paid for your own separately. I know that in a group situation, restaurants are often very reluctant to issue individual bills but, if you tell them that you will be paying separately before you place your order, you can remind them of this at the time a bill is requested. .

My husband has family meals with his brothers. He doesn't drink and they all do - and they too are often greedy in what they choose to eat and drink - but he won't challenge the equal split of the bill as he is anxious that it would cause a family rift. This has gone on for several years now, making it a much harder situation than if he had spoken out in the earlier days. So please act now before it goes on to a point where you too are stuck with it. 

Pollycat

ButterCheese said:

You just say "we're just going to pay for what we had, as we're a bit skint at the moment".  Anyone who has a problem with that is not worth your time.  If there's any issue, you just don't eat out with them again.  Real friends will not have a problem with it

Fixed that for you.

There is absolutely no need to add an excuse.

funagalo

Always feel uncomfortable when I have had drinks and others have not & they often insist on bill splitting.  Fairer if pay your own.  However, some leave their share cash and leave and forget service and someone else has to pay their share of that. 

push_notification

Pollycat said:

ButterCheese said:

You just say "we're just going to pay for what we had, as we're a bit skint at the moment".  Anyone who has a problem with that is not worth your time.  If there's any issue, you just don't eat out with them again.  Real friends will not have a problem with it

Fixed that for you.

There is absolutely no need to add an excuse.

Absolutely, or else they'll be waiting for when you're not so skint.

Likewise with "do you mind if..." as they might say they do mind.

keiran

I glad and heartened that not one poster has opined that the bill should be equally split, as a "communal and convivial and unpenny-pinching act of simplicity and togetherness/generosity". Having said that, we are MSErs . Many diners simply expect that the bill will be split, having not registered the discrepancy, or , worse, realising they'll be better off as a result.   Whilst on the one hand, it might be difficult to quibble over a single meal, when you add up the excess amounts over the years/decades of dining out, it would come to many hundreds of pounds.

MarriedtoFinn

I fully agree with those who advocate not to say, "if you don't mind" or "I'm a bit skint just now" - I used to work as a waitress and it's totally fine and commonplace for customers to say they'll have a separate bill please when ordering.  And who is anyone else to approve or not of you spending YOUR money your way?  Honestly, you might be overthinking it and anticipating  someone "kicking off" when really, it's unlikely, and would be ridiculous!
Enjoy your meals out your own way.

ZeroSum

Is this a London thing? In the nearly 30 years of going out with various groups, this has never happened to me. Its always been everyone pays for what they had. Very occasionally when everyone has had roughly the same its been done out of convenience but the 1st assumption has always been pay for what you ordered.

gocurlygirl

Went out with a large work group for Christmas meal.I had a small meal,a friend had soup and neither of us drank alcohol (drivers).The person who had lobster, and other expensive food and drink was the person who suggested splitting the bill.We didn't. It may be easier for the restaurant but it is not for us.

live in the North East.

ZeroSum

gocurlygirl said:

Went out with a large work group for Christmas meal.I had a small meal,a friend had soup and neither of us drank alcohol (drivers).The person who had lobster, and other expensive food and drink was the person who suggested splitting the bill.We didn't. It may be easier for the restaurant but it is not for us.

live in the North East.

I also live in NE, however when we go out with work, we produce a spreadsheet before hand with everyone putting down what theyre having & cost. Many restaurants do ask for pre orders & deposits with large group bookings