Money Moral Dilemma: My partner eats more than me, so should he pay more of our food shopping costs?

radoslaff

Absolutely yes. He must pay for all the food he eats. But before that these two must go their separate ways. If such a question arised this is not a family.

Any

The saddest thing I have read in a long time. 

mmlb

Seriously??  I can't even believe you're asking this...

JayD

I think we are approaching the depths of pettiness here.

Just what kind of relationship are you in???

Bunnyrabbit888

I don’t understand all these awful comments, criticising the author of this post. Most couples these days have joint accounts and cover all joint expenses using them. The truth is, food is the most expensive monthly expense and men do eat much more than women, that’s obvious. So it’s wouldn’t be such a crazy idea if the men chipped in a little more to the joint account each month, to help out with the extra spend? Unless he’s contributing in some other ways to balance that out. It’s not about measuring what he’s eating and charging him extra for cereal, it’s about both people feeling like they’re contributing fairly. So I empathise with the author and don’t think there’s anything wrong with trying to find a fair balance. 

bikaga

Bunnyrabbit888 said:

I don’t understand all these awful comments, criticising the author of this post. Most couples these days have joint accounts and cover all joint expenses using them. The truth is, food is the most expensive monthly expense and men do eat much more than women, that’s obvious. So it’s wouldn’t be such a crazy idea if the men chipped in a little more to the joint account each month, to help out with the extra spend? Unless he’s contributing in some other ways to balance that out. It’s not about measuring what he’s eating and charging him extra for cereal, it’s about both people feeling like they’re contributing fairly. So I empathise with the author and don’t think there’s anything wrong with trying to find a fair balance. 

Exactly. The difference in the amount of food consumed is so large that it's one reason that people have considered, if a longer-term "manned" space mission e.g. to Mars should take place, having an all-female crew. https://www.space.com/mars-astronauts-all-female-crew

biogenetics

For several years while my wife gained a degree and masters, I was working and pretty much paying all the bills, literally probably everything, because I knew that to secure our future her being in debt wasn’t a great thing, and to give her the autonomy to spend her small amount of income on things important to her. True at times it wasn’t easy as there were things I wanted to do and it can take it’s toll but I never bean counted and she did take some part time work to help out where she could. 

12 years on and I just lost my job which was the majority of our income and my wife has been voluntarily picking up extra shifts, paid for my car insurance when it came up for renewal and even offered to pay for me to do some fairly expensive courses to retrain in something I’ve been wanting to for years but never found the time to.

If you are at the point you’re at now and you’re counting, well I was going to say pennies, but actually calories is probably more appropriate, then just give up. 

A relationship is a partnership when you’re both in it for the long term and ultimately sometimes you’re ahead and sometimes you’re behind, but the road is long and you’re in it together.

Of course the other aspect of the answer  I’d give is the exact same advice I always find myself telling people on Reddit. You need to speak to your partner, because ultimately if you’re asking the opinion or several million people who can’t do anything about your situation over the one singular person who can, then the issue isn’t financial, it’s communication.

Speak to him. Maybe he will say because he’s up to make himself breakfast he will make you a something to take to work too to help out.

Realistically though, if you’re buying your dinner at work is a luxury choice you’re making and you then resent him because he’s choosing to be thrifty and eating more of the food you buy at a supermarket. IMHO his behaviour is to be celebrated for being economical and thrifty and probably contributing to a healthier financial state for the both of you. 

Who pays for dinner when you both go out for meals together? Who pays for drinks when you go on nights out? If you start splitting hairs now it never ends.

But mainly, just speak to your man; because none us us can.

CapeTown

biogenetics said:

For several years while my wife gained a degree and masters, I was working and pretty much paying all the bills, literally probably everything, because I knew that to secure our future her being in debt wasn’t a great thing, and to give her the autonomy to spend her small amount of income on things important to her. True at times it wasn’t easy as there were things I wanted to do and it can take it’s toll but I never bean counted and she did take some part time work to help out where she could. 

12 years on and I just lost my job which was the majority of our income and my wife has been voluntarily picking up extra shifts, paid for my car insurance when it came up for renewal and even offered to pay for me to do some fairly expensive courses to retrain in something I’ve been wanting to for years but never found the time to.

If you are at the point you’re at now and you’re counting, well I was going to say pennies, but actually calories is probably more appropriate, then just give up. 

A relationship is a partnership when you’re both in it for the long term and ultimately sometimes you’re ahead and sometimes you’re behind, but the road is long and you’re in it together.

Of course the other aspect of the answer  I’d give is the exact same advice I always find myself telling people on Reddit. You need to speak to your partner, because ultimately if you’re asking the opinion or several million people who can’t do anything about your situation over the one singular person who can, then the issue isn’t financial, it’s communication.

Speak to him. Maybe he will say because he’s up to make himself breakfast he will make you a something to take to work too to help out.

Realistically though, if you’re buying your dinner at work is a luxury choice you’re making and you then resent him because he’s choosing to be thrifty and eating more of the food you buy at a supermarket. IMHO his behaviour is to be celebrated for being economical and thrifty and probably contributing to a healthier financial state for the both of you. 

Who pays for dinner when you both go out for meals together? Who pays for drinks when you go on nights out? If you start splitting hairs now it never ends.

But mainly, just speak to your man; because none us us can.

You are lovely 

JoJoSM1963

I was in a similar position with my partner until I had to (for medical reasons) adopt a low fat as well as a gluten free diet. I now cook only for myself and accordingly buy just for me and he does the same. The difference in the weekly food bill now I'm buying just for myself as opposed to both of us, is considerable. I have only just realised how much I was subsidising his extravagant lifestyle and for over a decade!

He is now living on very unhealthy convenience food (UPF/high fat junk) and paying through the nose for it. He has also put on 3 stone in weight whereas I've lost 22 pounds as I'm eating such an extremely healthy diet. So no I don't see why you should be paying half of your food bill, maybe a third is about right? I'm also assuming you're probably doing the bulk of the cooking?

kimwp

Maybe it's down to wants Vs needs balanced with available budget. Everything gets their needs met (food, period products etc) from the house pot. Then if you want fancy and the house budget doesn't allow for it, then it comes out of your personal pot. It's a lot of monitoring though