Money Moral Dilemma: Should we leave our house solely to our youngest daughter?

Helpfulwombat7

greendress said:

I would say firstly that you need to involve all your kids in a discussion around this - never let it be a surprise and make sure everyone understands your wishes. Fights between siblings when parents die are extremely common and I saw first hand how my mum struggled with the difficulty a couple of her siblings caused - and they were a close family (still are but my mum died while the arguments were still ongoing which was awful and left people with a lot of guilt).

I think it is fair to leave more to your daughter with additional needs than to your other children and hope they would understand that - yes, any of them could get into a bad situation in future but they have the capacity to get themselves out of it. She cannot change her situation.

However, leaving her a large house doesn't make sense, and cutting the other children out doesn't feel fair.

I would suggest leaving her significantly more, in a trust where the use of the money is designated to be used for: a small practical flat for her, ideally within a residential community, and for her ongoing care and essential needs.

You can also stipulate that unless she has dependents then your other children or their dependents should inherit equally from her estate eventually.

Care and living costs are very expensive and you want to provide for her, I'm sure you have a lot of fear about how she will cope without you. I'm sure your other children will understand that and you can present to them that you want to ensure she is looked after without leaving them out.

Also, make sure care is arranged outside the family, even if one of her siblings volunteers to take on caring for her. It's a lot of responsibility and peoples situations change. 

Get talking about it with your family asap and you'll help to avoid hurt feelings and be able to feel confident in your family's futures.

This is very similar to what I would have said. I think you also need professional legal advice, especially around creating a trust for your daughter with special needs and possibly the help of a mediator ( ask your solicitor to recommend one) if you think there might be any disagreement about the future. I'd also like to acknowledge your care and concern. 

primrose_penguin

I think you need proper advice about how to leave your daughter with special needs a secure future during her lifetime. However personally I think you should treat all your children the same when it comes to your will, you cannot see what will happen in their future lives. Also looking at the worst case scenario, what would happen if you or your husband needed care as you got older, if one of you ever needs to go into a care home the cost would have to be paid from the value of your house once you have both passed away, so you may not have a lot to leave to your children. Have you thought about putting the house in your children's names now to try and avoid this happening. I don't know what the legal complexities are but it may be worth finding out. Good luck.

twitcher1973

I think wills and who gets what sends a very strong message. It would be preferable to talk to your 3 other children if you intend to leave them with nothing. Maybe the 2 in rented would like money to buy their own one day? You wouldn't want the other 3 contesting the will once you've gone so discuss it as a family. 

jedav

If your youngest daughter does inherit the house in full, how will she pay for its upkeep?

Scally53

Buy a house and leave it to the other kids: they become the new landlords:
Your disabled child can then claim Universal Credit which pays the rent through Housing Benefit.
This means your other kids have an incentive to continue to provide support and care.
If you give the house to the disabled child they actually LOSE benefit entitlements.

Tabieth

Generally I think it should be shared equally to all four children and all should know what your plans are. But that’s a general view, not specific advice for the OP. I really think the OP needs specialist, tailored, individual, expert advice. There’s too much complexity and unknowns for anyone (even subject experts) to be able to help here. 

sarafp

It is important to be fair in a will, otherwise you could be causing serious issues in the future - I do speak from experience! Your best solution would be to have a family get-together and talk about it.

PennyDD

My father left me the house and gave my siblings an equivalent amount in money.

mlz1413

You have had some excellent advise so far.

I entirely agree with the sentiment test all the children need to be part of the conversation,  as my first reaction to your post was 'No!'

Leaving everything to ond child is to dismiss the other 3.

If my mum's Will left me nothing because I've made better choices than my sibling and was financially secure,  I'd be shocked, angry and upset. It would make me feel I was loved less and that my decisions had Bern wrong.

Singling out one child to get the family home may leave that child without any support.

Size9Wellies

This happened to me. For reasons I will never know, my parents left their paid-for house entirely to my younger sister. I worked away for many years, but regularly visited my parents and we regularly spoke on the phone. They were too old to want to learn the internet or social media. I believe my sister was very instrumental in their decision, and as I wasn't there, I was unable to enter any discussion. Quite simply my parents' favouritism drove a huge wedge between my my sister and me, so much so we no longer have any relationship. I would say to the couple above that they should think carefully before excluding their other children.