Money Moral Dilemma: Should we leave our house solely to our youngest daughter?

Groom

A very difficult decision. If your youngest daughter has special needs, would she be able to cope in a house with all that entails with upkeep and bills? Would she even be able to live alone? I think not only do you have to talk to your other children but you also need to seek advice as to how your youngest will be cared for - she may be entitled to some kind of supported living. If that's the case, your estate should be fairly split between all your children. Unless they are involved it could cause resentment. 

Julesanne

It’s a very difficult decision & complex,  there is no given or expected outcome in life anymore for anyone rich or not, health wise , employment or relationships. I would speak to an expert in LPA & Trusts, this is something we have recently done & it is a minefield doing it without help. Court of protection & also a trust lawyer - free advice meeting. We pay for everything else without overthinking it - car mot, vets, our homes & bills & don’t always set out clear plans for when we have gone , it’s the conversation nobody wants to have but so so important to safeguard as much as possible especially to try & prevent family issues after a bereavement. University law clinics can offer free appointments. An impartial legally qualified person can give us different perspectives & look objectively rather than emotionally At circumstances & our wishes . I hope you manage to sort it out , it’s vitally important for everyone to do it. 

Marineboy81

Hi. Some useful comments here about the principles of sharing equally or otherwise. I have a daughter with healthi and learning disabilities and found the mencap website extremely helpful. They have forums where you can discuss these topics with other parents in the same  or similar circumstances. They also run webinars with detailed legal, tax and benefit advice (by Mencap and specialist solicitors) for parents on setting up trusts to manage inheritance for vulnerable beneficiaries. I think you should start there. Your question is beyond the scope of this forum. You need professional advice.  We were guided through the decision making and trust set up and it’s given us huge peace of mind. There’s info and help there to support issues around benefits, social care, supported living etc. please do have a look it’s invaluable. Beyond that I’d urge you to sit down and talk to all your children. The last thing you want is for family fallouts or for challenges to the will after you’ve passed that erode your legacy with legal fees. Good luck.     

Androids

It’s a difficult situation but one that requires both legal
advice and a discussion with all the family.
if your youngest is left the house will she be able to afford the upkeep and will it potentially have to be sold to pay for her care? If she has support needs she may not receive financial support to pay for this if she has a valuable asset. She may also find she needs to pay extra for a larger house.
Your other children may, at some point, require their own homes. Rental properties are notoriously insecure and rents are becoming unmanageable.
You may need to discuss a Trust with Trustees. That is potentially expensive to run after your deaths and can eat up the property value very quickly.
You may consider a solution to be after your deaths the property is sold and a supported living flat is purchased with the proceeds and the remainder is split between the other children. The supported living flat could be held in Trust to be divided equally between the others, or their children when your youngest dies.
My solution would involve sitting down with all the family and having a frank and open discussion. It potentially will not be easy.
You could also get some free advice from AGE UK, who will certainly have come across this dilemma before.
Without doubt the worst thing you can do is do nothing.

ripongrammargirl

I’m Pennypitstop123 said:

your child with special needs is never going to be left deserted, in this country we look after disabled and she would never be homeless or living in squalor, she will always have support. 

I hate to break it to you but, being disabled myself, and having benefits slowly being taken away by this government I can testify to the fact that disabled people are no longer in the cosy bubble you mention. Having also worked in care of the elderly and disabled (before it happened to me too) I can also say with confidence that “care” is a word so many homes don’t understand (yes, there are good ones with a premium price and oversubscribed). The things I have seen happening within these homes would shock you, and I would never put a loved one (or even an enemy, in many cases) into one of these places that bleed you dry for zero care. 

bikaga

I wonder if the house would be the best solution (depending on the daughter's special needs). It might leave her with a huge overwhelming space and nobody to help her with it. It might be more useful for her if the place was sold and instead she'd get something that's easier to manage, possibly with a spare room for a carer. I'm assuming the family home of a couple with 4 kids will have 3-5 bedrooms minimum.

I'd definitely suggest having a conversation with all the kids to see how they all feel - they might challenge the will otherwise, leaving the daughter with special needs having to fight her own corner after losing her parents, which I'm sure you don't want. They might also totally be on board, or offer alternative solutions (say the married couple, possibly with kids by that time, taking over the house and letting the sister stay there, or swapping for a smaller place and ££ for a carer / assistant) that might be agreed in the presence of a solicitor.

jimbob6775

Your estate should be split 4 ways.  Thats the fairest way.

jimbob6775

gothvixen said:

Leaving it entirely to the youngest is a way of creating a huge fracture in your family. My brother's very wealthy and I'm unable to work due to disability, but there was no question that he wouldn't receive half of our mother's estate when she died last year. Your will should detail the provision for your daughter's care, but your assets should be split equally amongst the 4. I'm a little angry on behalf of the other 3 children that you would even consider showing such unfair bias. They shouldn't have to do without because their sister has additional needs; be the children 6 or 60, parents should never show such complaceny or favouritism. See it as they would - they don't receive a share in your house because you've given it all to the youngest. Can you imagine how they would feel, knowing that you donated their share of your estate to their sister? Leaving a legacy of resentment and bitterness is just wrong.

I totally agree with your comment.

Mr5Micawber

Have you discussed this with all your children?  It sounds as if your daughter may need support from her siblings when you are no longer able to provide that and if they suddenly discover you've cut them out they may not feel so inclined to offer it.  It isn't fair to leave her with any such fallout and when it comes to wills and money don't assume people will be happy with your decision.

Annebwye

As a previous person said, find out what services and housing your youngest can access at present. Youmay find that if she has a property that she might be worse off in the long run.
Discuss things with your children