Money Moral Dilemma: Should we leave our house solely to our youngest daughter?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My husband and I own our own home outright and we've four grown-up children. One is single and has his own house, two are married and live in rented accommodation, and the youngest lives with us as she has additional needs. I'm sure our three older children will be fine as they've already got property or strong relationships, but the youngest will always need help and somewhere safe to live, so should we leave our house solely to her in our wills?

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Keep_pedalling

If you want to provide security for a vulnerable adult it would be better to leave it in a trust, with your other children, or their children, eventually inheriting when she no longer needs it. 

Sea_Shell

I agree with KP.

However, as two are renting, they may also find they don't have somewhere safe to live, in the future, due to the state of the rental sector.

What would you decide if they were living in a cramped or unsuitable rental property.

ih8stress

I agree with both comments above and came on here to say that nothing is guaranteed in life - circumstances do change for lots of people and often not for the better.

Personally I believe in being fair and would leave an equal share to all 4 'children' or their heirs, regardless of their circumstances.

The single one, with their own house - could lose their job, their house, meet someone who later claimed a share of the house etc.

The two in rented are in a precarious position and could lose their home at any time, lose their jobs, partners etc.

The youngest one probably already gets more help than the other three.

I think a Trust is the way forward, as suggested above.

I would imagine you need to set up something for if you or your husband need care yourselves as you get older, and also if either or both of you needed to go into a home.

Professional advice, not a forum, would be the way to go

ShinyStarlight1

Illness can strike at any time and can become chronic.

Marriages can break up. 

Jobs can be lost and people’s security suddenly crumble.

I would say - don’t assume that current situations will stay the same.

badmemory

With all the above taken as read & understanding your need to protect the youngest.  I would not be inclined to leave all to them without gauging the feelings of the other 3.  It would seem that they may be the one who would need the most support of them all & annoying them may not be the best way to go.

kimwp

I do think this is a genuine conundrum. 

On the one hand, money is the easiest thing to split (Vs time, kindness etc because however much we want to be fair to our children in those things, it isn't possible) and probably the only way to clearly give to them all equally. 

On the other hand, if one has a serious need for extra financial help due to inherent abilities...

Where do you draw the line? Do you help or not help a child that fell into a bad crowd at school and is now in a poor financial state as a result, but that could have been avoided if you had paid them more attention? 

As others have said, the others could also end up in situations where they need help. Maybe if you do create a trust, it could have a provision for the other children to move into the house if they need housing?

christineperseus

What will the youngest with additional needs do when you are no longer around?

Perhaps a move to supported living whilst you are around to help with the move, rather than be forced into something when you can no longer support her or be able to help find a placement.

Your children may not want or be able to house her..

I realise how harsh this may sound, but I have a younger (he's 56) autistic brother who lives in a supporting living situation.

I am unable to house him and he couldn't live on his own.

Uriziel

Why do you need to decide..? Just leave the house to all of them and let them live there if they want to and that way the youngest can stay there. Why just leave it to her? It's clearly a big house.

keithyno.1

Ultimately it's yours and your husband's wills and you can leave your estate to whoever you so wish. There's nothing in law that says you have to leave it to your children shared in equal parts or anything.

With that in mind I honestly feel it's impossible for any posters on here to answer your question. YOU know your own family better than anyone else and I'd beware of taking advice or noting opinions from people on here who know nothing about yours and your family's circumstances other than the very brief details you've provided.

KenWDen

I would suggest a life tenancy for the daughter, then split equally when she no longer needs it - cheaper than a trust, with three executors.