Money Moral Dilemma: Should we leave our house solely to our youngest daughter?

bevs316

Your youngest daughter has special needs so needs specific accommodation to address those needs. She does not need a whole house that she can't manage. Who is to fund the ongoing care and maintenance of the house whilst she lives there? Or are you proposing to leave her all your money as well to cover this? She needs to be settled in suitable accommodation before you pass to make it easier for everyone. Your other children are not her keepers/carers and should not forfeit their inheritance.  Your youngest is an adult and should make arrangements for her own future in good time. 

marylou2121

This question reminds me of a situation recently  ...

someone I know was really annoyed that her disabled son had inherited a lot of money.  It meant that his very nice supported accommodation was no longer free, or many of the other things they could claim were no longer applicable.   Same woman wanted to negotiate the price of a large pile of CDs I had put on a site because her poor son couldn't afford them.  Tricky, as the price was "FREE"

greendress

I would say firstly that you need to involve all your kids in a discussion around this - never let it be a surprise and make sure everyone understands your wishes. Fights between siblings when parents die are extremely common and I saw first hand how my mum struggled with the difficulty a couple of her siblings caused - and they were a close family (still are but my mum died while the arguments were still ongoing which was awful and left people with a lot of guilt).

I think it is fair to leave more to your daughter with additional needs than to your other children and hope they would understand that - yes, any of them could get into a bad situation in future but they have the capacity to get themselves out of it. She cannot change her situation.

However, leaving her a large house doesn't make sense, and cutting the other children out doesn't feel fair.

I would suggest leaving her significantly more, in a trust where the use of the money is designated to be used for: a small practical flat for her, ideally within a residential community, and for her ongoing care and essential needs.

You can also stipulate that unless she has dependents then your other children or their dependents should inherit equally from her estate eventually.

Care and living costs are very expensive and you want to provide for her, I'm sure you have a lot of fear about how she will cope without you. I'm sure your other children will understand that and you can present to them that you want to ensure she is looked after without leaving them out.

Also, make sure care is arranged outside the family, even if one of her siblings volunteers to take on caring for her. It's a lot of responsibility and peoples situations change. 

Get talking about it with your family asap and you'll help to avoid hurt feelings and be able to feel confident in your family's futures.

SadieO

MSE_Kelvin said:

I'm sure our three older children will be fine as they've already got property or strong relationships

I find this statement quite odd. My husband and I rented for 20+ years before we were finally able to get a mortgage aged 44. We were (and are!) in a strong relationship but that didn't pay the bills or indemnify us from the risk of getting kicked out of our house if our landlord decided they wanted to sell, or to triple the rent!

As others have said, illness, redundancy, divorce, even disability or death could happen to any of your children or their partners. Also I would add that any of them might have debts or other struggles that you don't know about, which could mean that some financial help could be extremely useful to them. Maybe they aren't telling you because they feel you already have enough on your plate looking after your youngest! And on that note, if she is not able to live alone, how will she be managing in a (presumably decent sized) family home when you are gone?

madbadrob

My own ten penneth is the same as most of the rest. Lesaave to all 4 with a lifetime trust of the youngest to live there.  The Trustees could be the children.  Just remember under the inheritance laws if those children in rented accomodation could contest the will on the grounds that they have not been adequately provided for.  So to put in a lifetime trust would probably satisfy this issue

Rob

Silvertabby

madbadrob said:

My own ten penneth is the same as most of the rest. Lesaave to all 4 with a lifetime trust of the youngest to live there.  The Trustees could be the children.  Just remember under the inheritance laws if those children in rented accomodation could contest the will on the grounds that they have not been adequately provided for.  So to put in a lifetime trust would probably satisfy this issue

Rob

Under this scenario, who would pay all the youngest daughters bills, on the assumption that she isn't able to earn her own living?

And what's to stop one (or both) of the elder children currently in rented accommodation being evicted?  Would they be able to move into the family home?

My own feeling is that living alone in a (large?) family home wouldn't be the best solution for the younger daughter.  But without full details of her condition, it's impossible to say if she would be better suited to a smaller, assisted living facility, or similar.

DottyO

Discuss this with ALL your children before you make a decision, then, once the decision has been made do let them know what your will says before you die.

Ed264

I've tried looking at this in a positive light. Without going into the 'What if's?' it seems to me like you've answered your own question - 'I'm sure our three older children will be fine'. So they would be happy for their younger sister with additional needs to be looked after by what you're considering. If that's the case, then do it.

Silvertabby

Ed264 said:

I've tried looking at this in a positive light. Without going into the 'What if's?' it seems to me like you've answered your own question - 'I'm sure our three older children will be fine'. So they would be happy for their younger sister with additional needs to be looked after by what you're considering. If that's the case, then do it.

I'm sure that the 3 older children know that their sister's needs are greater than theirs.  But the questions are.... what are the younger sister's needs, and could they be met by making her the sole beneficiary of a (large?) family house without the means or abilities to maintain both herself and the house?

Pollycat

The originator of this MMD needs proper legal advice, rather than the opinions of random strangers on t'interweb.
It's not just a 'should my Mum contribute to our childcare costs when she's on holiday' type of MMD.
It has very important consequences.
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