Money Moral Dilemma: Should I stop sending birthday cards and money to my brother's ungrateful kids?

ralphaverbuch

My view, if you can afford it, put it in a child trust fund for them. They will be grateful when they are older and appreciate that their uncle was looking out for them. Few kids have the capacity to exhibit gratitude unless it's been drilled into them by their parents so it says as much about the parenting as it does about the kids per se. 

JayD

This is such a common story. We only get thanks from a couple of the children we send money to at Christmas and on their Birthdays. So, we now message the parents directly and ask if their child/children received the money that we sent ... the prompt works, in as much as they confirm receipt and thank us, but we don't hear from the children themselves. We have implemented a cut off point for presents/money of 18 now but we still send cards to show that we do think of them - even if they don't think of us!

eastridingretiree

I was in almost exactly the same position and I persevered until my niece was 18 and then gave up. Never a word of thanks either from her or my brother and sister-in-law. Children are naturally acquisitive and entitled, it’s up to the parents to temper that with good manners. It seems that you’re casting your pearls before swine - I’d just send a Happy Birthday text with lots of happy emojis. If your sibling says anything just point out how unreliable the post is these days. 

Hazel123456

Maybe there is a conversation to be had with your brother. ‘I know, call me old fashioned but it would be lovely if your sons acknowledged my gift with a thank you. That would seem old fashioned good manners to me’. If you get a positive response great. If not, they may have given you the answer you hoped wouldn’t happen? In which case you can move on with or without a simple card

CRN

Personally I'd stop sending gifts but send a card, perhaps an email now and again.  I don't give to receive but I do believe in people saying thank you and if they're not being taught to do that then, unfortunately, their parents have showed them that example.  I may also treat them if I happen to see them occasionally.

Julia1960

Being of a certain age, I sympathise with you! However, very sadly this seems to have been the way of the world for quite a while now. Whether it has something to do with the use of technology - and virtually nobody setting pen to paper any more - I can’t really say. However, I suspect that it does have a lot to do with this in the case of children & young people. Ok, so they could text or email to say thank you instead, as long you use these methods of communication of course! Equally as good would be to pick up the phone and give you a call.  For whatever reason, it just doesn’t seem to occur to children or their parents nowadays to convey their thanks for gifts or money they receive. 

Having said this, I think it would be a shame to stop sending them something. It is not really their fault that they’ve failed to be brought up to say thank you. Instead, be honest with the parents out of earshot of the children, and tell them a quick note of thanks or a short phone call to let you know the money arrived would be appreciated. Chances are it won’t have even occurred to them, they will be very apologetic, and ensure the children contact you in future. 

rollingmoon

Hell no.     

velvetyfrog

Gifts, money, cards, whatever, anything voluntary should only be done or given if you and only you want to do it. It sounds like you don't anymore, so please stop. It really does not matter what is expected of you - either from the kids themselves, their parents, your partner, or least of all - this forum. Gifts are no longer gifts if they are given to fulfil some obligation or expectation - they should only be given if the gifter wants to give them. Anything else is not a gift, it is more similar to extortion or blackmail.

Roseris

This may be a daft (or totally irrelevant) question, but are you absolutely sure the cards and presents have been received?  I have a niece and nephews living abroad and their presents from me went missing due to a miscommunication about their address. Maybe worth checking before deciding to stop sending.

BoYaNY73

I would continue to send cards with money until they are 18. Send a bigger cheque when they are 18 then leave it at that