Money Moral Dilemma: Should I stop sending birthday cards and money to my brother's ungrateful kids?

Northern_Smiler

An 80s child, I used to send a thank you note in the post. I didn’t need prompting from my parents - I was taught respect. Now, when a text can be quickly sent; it’s sheer laziness and disrespect.  Times have changed, but manners have always cost nothing. I’d send empty cards as, for all you know, the cards could be getting lost in the post.

cheerful

Next time send them a pack of "Thank you" cards instead of cash.

philwolsey

We don’t know the children’s motivations, so any change of policy is moot. Reliable, habitual, courteous thanks is a work in progress in young people, requiring encouragement, not censure. Maybe your bro isn’t a good role model, maybe they lack sufficient contact with you and it’s easier to procrastinate and then forget, through sheer drift. Maybe your bro hasn’t noticed their lapse in a courteous acknowledgment. ‘Dear brother, of late x,y, and z haven’t acknowledged I’ve sent cards on their birthdays. This could be memory lapse, or they think it isn’t necessary, or perhaps they never arrived (that would be concerning because I always include a bit of money). Would you give them a nudge that a brief acknowledgment lets me know they’ve arrived safely and reassures me they still see me as family’. The meta-message to your brother about his own ties to you need not be spoken of further

LP53

Stop sending them if they haven’t got the decency to say Thank you as it sounds like they aren’t that grateful.

Matt8888

Nephew's 18th this year. I sent him £500. He has never mentioned it - not even a text message. I was brought up very differently.

sheilcymru

If you really want to stay in touch with 'family' then carry on at least sending cards, but why would you want to stay in touch with anyone who never reciprocates?  You can choose your friends but not your family! Personally I would spend the money on a dear friend or friends who I know will appreciate it.

Ilovethebeach

I used to send cards and gifts to my nieces, then when they had children I did the same for birthdays and Christmas.  I did used to get a thank you text, but I never have to this day, received a birthday or Christmas card from them, so I stopped it all.  I saw that you could get a decent birthday card from Card Party or whatever it is called for 25p and I thought there is no excuse.   Shopping for children is also a task that I don't miss. 

MsMoon

I would stop sending the cards and the money - if they can't even send thanks for the money then they probably won't even miss the cards - unfortunately these days families do tend to drift apart. Who knows not receiving the cards and gifts might give one of them a moment to pause and reflect but I wouldn't hold my breath.

Spend your time and effort on people who appreciate you!

MsMoon

Marcon said:

 I don't have children, but my brother has three. I send birthday cards with money in for the children every year. I very rarely get a 'thank you' from any of them and I'm lucky if I get a birthday card from my brother, while my partner of 10 years never gets one. My partner doesn't mind and always says I should be the better person when I ask why I bother. Should I keep sending my brother's children cards and money even though they don't thank me?

If you look at the tone in which you've couched your question, surely you've already concluded that you don't want to go on doing so but want complete strangers on this thread to somehow validate your choice. Unfortunately nobody but you can make that decision...

These type of replies never fail to amuse me - the whole purpose of this thread is precisely to get the opinions of "complete strangers".

LJT33

I gave to my nieces and nephew until my nephew (the youngest) turned 21 and then I told them I was no longer doing birthdays. My reason for this is because I am no longer in touch with any of my male siblings family ( I refuse to call him b.....r! HE did kick off about it but tuff!) Except for a wedding which I still believe to this day I was only invited to keep my Mom happy. You can choose your friends but not your family but you can choose whether to acknowledge it.
If they don't show any gratitude why bother anymore?!