Money Moral Dilemma: Should I stop sending birthday cards and money to my brother's ungrateful kids?

jaym1980

It sounds like you're feeling frustrated and unappreciated, which is totally understandable. You're making a generous gesture by sending birthday cards with money, but the lack of acknowledgment can make it feel less rewarding. When deciding whether to continue, consider what’s most important to you:

1. Your Values: If giving gifts and showing kindness is important to you, regardless of whether you receive thanks, you might choose to continue because it aligns with your own values.

2. Setting Boundaries: On the other hand, you also have the right to set boundaries. If you feel that the lack of gratitude or reciprocation is disrespectful, it’s okay to decide not to continue the tradition. It’s not about being petty; it’s about self-respect and ensuring your efforts are appreciated.

3. Communicating Your Feelings: Sometimes, people don't realize the effort and thought behind a gesture. If you feel comfortable, it might be helpful to express how the lack of acknowledgment makes you feel. This could open up a conversation and help them understand your perspective.Talk to your brother about this, it's not wrong to expect a thank you.

   It also appears your brother has neglected teaching his children to say please and thank you, which are basic manners and values.
   
   If this resolves the issue then great and you can continue to send them a birthday gift. My niece & nephew are similar and sometimes have to be prompted to say thank you.
   
   If your brother doesn't do anything and the situation doesn't improve, you can stop sending cash.

Ultimately, you should do what feels right for you. If continuing the tradition no longer feels fulfilling, it's okay to stop. And if you choose to keep sending cards, maybe finding other ways to set expectations for gratitude could help, too.

Beekeepinggardener

You don't say how old your brother's children are, but, assuming they're now over 18, just send a card in future & don't bother with the cash. Many younger people don't bother to say thank you these days, so that on it's own is not unusual. Given your brother's lack of communication with you, they clearly haven't been set a good example ...

CapeTown

It might be that the cards with money are being stolen en route as happened with my nephew. Suggest you ask brother if the boys are receiving their presents because you are not getting any acknowledgement.  If that doesn't kick him into touch, nothing will.  I blame the parents not the children,  but basic manners will take you a long way

ember51

Be modern. Wish them a Happy Birthday on social media. If you go for a visit take a tin of chocolates or a cake for everyone to share. I haven't sent any cards for years and I certainly don't buy presents. Nowadays kids have everything they want. 

Always_on_a_diet

Personally, I'd send one more card and put in a note to say I've donated their birthday/Christmas money to a charity that deserves it more.  Then forget them.

THV

I agree with other people - send cards, but no cash. Cash isn't safe to send by post. It might not even get to them. When they're 18 or over - stop the cards as they sound ungrateful

Bunnyfluff6

I was in this same scenario for years, carefully shopping for the perfect gifts, wrapping them beautifully, posting them and happily anticipating the excited responses, and then…tumbleweed. I might as well have hurled those gifts down a storm drain, and it hurt my heart. I did once get a response from my nephew when his gift was late due to a postal strike (LOL!) but even after it arrived, not a single thank you. In hindsight I blame the parents, and I kept sending stuff until they were all adults, but I should have pared it down a whole lot earlier.  

Try missing a year and when they chase you up, tell them it must be lost in the post, but TBH you never really know whether your gifts arrive or not because you never get a thank you, and see if that sparks a change. If not, just send cards for a couple more years, and then stop altogether.  Entitlement isn’t a cute characteristic, and these kids need to know that the world doesn’t owe them any favours.

Biskie

I agree with @CapeTown and @THV 100% about the dangers of sending cash through the post. It may well be that the card and/or cash isn't getting through.  Maybe just send cards from now on, then there's no issue about the cash or lack of thanks.

brookie1

There is little or no contact from my nephews. Now I just send an e-card.

GillianD

Been there and just stopped.
A "Thank You" text would have made the difference but it seems children aren't taught that as manners these days. Hey ho!