Money Moral Dilemma: Should I stop sending birthday cards and money to my brother's ungrateful kids?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

 I don't have children, but my brother has three. I send birthday cards with money in for the children every year. I very rarely get a 'thank you' from any of them and I'm lucky if I get a birthday card from my brother, while my partner of 10 years never gets one. My partner doesn't mind and always says I should be the better person when I ask why I bother. Should I keep sending my brother's children cards and money even though they don't thank me?

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Clive_Woody

I'd stick with sending cards but leave out the cash in future.

Nasqueron

Clive_Woody said:

I'd stick with sending cards but leave out the cash in future.

The only answer. My mum's friend stopped sending me Christmas presents when I was no longer a kid but still sends a card and I send them an email with bits from the year, pet updates etc, it's just polite 

JGB1955

I gave up sending cards once they got to 18.  I never sent them gifts.  I hardly know them, have hardly seen them for the last 10 years (apart from a wedding and a funeral)!  My 'new' 1 year old niece will likely receive a card - it's not her fault that her father had a mid-life crisis, but only for her first birthday.  It's unlikely our paths will cross again.  Such are families!

badmemory

I think what you do depends on how old the children are.  If they are around 10 then blame bad parenting & if they are around 20 & have never said thank you then blame bad parenting & forget the cash.

kimwp

You're under no obligation to send anyone cards, gifts or cash. If the reception of those things is annoying you, then stop sending them.

Brie

Don't send anyone anything for a year and see if they say anything.  

Pollycat

I'd send just cards - no cash - until each of them reach 18.
Then stop sending the cards.

Marcon

 I don't have children, but my brother has three. I send birthday cards with money in for the children every year. I very rarely get a 'thank you' from any of them and I'm lucky if I get a birthday card from my brother, while my partner of 10 years never gets one. My partner doesn't mind and always says I should be the better person when I ask why I bother. Should I keep sending my brother's children cards and money even though they don't thank me?

If you look at the tone in which you've couched your question, surely you've already concluded that you don't want to go on doing so but want complete strangers on this thread to somehow validate your choice. Unfortunately nobody but you can make that decision...

keithyno.1

Possibly you're keen to keep in touch with your brother's children because you don't have any of your own? I'm in the same situation so fully understand - it's the next generation of your family, after all.

I'm inclined to agree with your partner when he or she says you should be the better person and continue doing as you have done.

But if it's REALLY narking you because you feel they're just a bunch of ungrateful so and so's then stop. But accept the fact you'll lose touch with them, because I think fairly it's obvious THEY won't make any effort in the future.

Ed264

If I was in your situation, I'd put an immediate stop to sending them anything if they don't have the decency to say 'Thank you'.