Please help me! Nothing to live for

gilligansyle

I am in no position to advise, being in much the same boat, but believe me, there is support around and make use of as much of it as you can.

It must have taken a lot of nerve to put it down in writing, but that is the first big step. No one will ever criticise you, just give you honest help. After I plucked up the courage, I felt like a load had been lifted from me. I don't know any of these people and will never meet them, and in its way that is probably better.

Please believe me, that you do have everything to live for. Your son needs you. Most of us would be lost without our kids.

serena

(((to you and your son)))

Just come across your thread, and while I have nothing to add in the way of advice, I just wanted to say how much I admire your courage, in posting in the first place. You and your son will be just fine, I'm sure.

I also want to say thank you to all those who have replied, wow, I've always thought this forum was fantastic for support, and this thread shows that!

poorandindenial

Hi SN77

I had my lightbulb moment about three weeks ago and joined the forum here, I can honestly say that without this forum I would still be pretending my debt didn't exist, now, for the first time EVER, I feel really positive about sorting out my debts, hopefully you will feel the same soon.

Remember that the most important thing is to look after yourself and your son, if you go to see your doctor they should be able to give you some options and you won't have to decide then and there what you want to do. The average GP has something like 2000 people on their books so most will be experienced in supporting people through situations like this.

Well done for making the big first step and posting and good luck for the future, I will be following your thread to see how you get on.

churchrat

just wanted to say hi and welcome. give yourself some credit for having the good sense and courage for doing something about your situation and for looking after your son. He sounds like a real star. Most people on here(most definitly me) have been where you are now. the not sleeping, the constant state of fear and the belly ripping dread when you are suddenly wide wake at 2 in the morning with no chance of more sleep. BUT-- you are doing something about it and that, believe me, really helps. You are getting back in control and that is really all it takes. The slog of paying back the money is nowhere as difficult as these few days can be, even if the paying back can take a while. You need professional advice, but keep coming back here to let off steam. You are not on your own.

locutus2003

Hi there and well done for being so brave ... I have been posting (a bit) and lurking (a lot) and still don't have the courage to post properly!

However, what I really wanted to do was to, along with everyone else, say to go to the Drs. I have had depression on and off for 10 years. I started by saying I didn't want anti-depressants or counselling and ended up having both which worked really well. I have to say, I'm back on Prozac again now as I currently have post-natal depression and I felt bad about taking them again. Now I've been on them for a few weeks they've made all the difference and I remember why I felt OK about taking them before. Honestly, they don't change you at all (which was always my worry), but they do make things seem altogether easier which then allows you to deal with your worries in a more methodical way.

Please keep posting - talking in any form always helps. Lots of people on here have great advice and you can tell that lots and lots of people are looking out for you. And please, make an appointment to see the Dr and tell them what you've said here.

Take care

Mrs_Sparkle

Welcome to the board. No one here thinks you're stupid, in fact I think you are an incredibly brave lady to come to terms with the situation and make a decision to deal with it. Your son obviously thinks the world of you too so you're lucky to have that support.

I can't add any advice to what the others have said but just wanted to say hi and well done for writing it all down- that was the hardest bit for me x

KiKi

ScaredNow77 wrote: »

I feel scared. I feel sick. I feel like running away. I feel like killing myself. I look at my son and I think “I’ve totally screwed us both”.

Then the first thing you should do is look at your son and know that you can never leave him without a mother - he is the best reason that you need to sort this out. *hug*

And you've come to exactly the right place for it.

You may have been stupid, and there may have been reasons for it. But time to move on from putting yourself down because the main thing is that you're here to get help and change that, and there are lots of very good people on here who will support you unequivocally. Posting is the hard part, and you've been really brave; I bet you felt better just for saying it and getting it out in the open.


So practically, you really do need to find out your APRs on all your cards and loans, the minimum payments etc, and post them here - which ones are yours and which are his.

It would also help to know the situation re the house (are you still living together / is the house in both your names / are you planning to sell up etc) to get the whole picture. (Sorry if you've posted this already, I didn't see it...)

Don't panic yet. Keep on working with your job, and get yourself to the doctor. In the meantime, find out the info on the loans and cards and post it here so we can offer really good advice on where to start - it's really important that you get that information.

You're in good hands and good company here. Well done for posting.

KiKi

JAMIEDODGER

welcome to dfw:)

here you will find love and support and realise you are not alone and that there is a way out of this.

the dfw'ers are an amazing bunch and you will quickly find that you become addicted to this board:D

huge hugs to you and congratulations on your first of many posts!

JD x

inmypocketnottheirs

As Confuscious said 'A journey of a million miles starts with a single footstep'. You have taken that first step.

Please take note of the suggestions regarding reducing your outgoings. Another suggestion would be to switch to freeview for TV. Look here to see what channels you will get, for free, after buying a set top box for around £25 https://www.freeview.co.uk. No subscriptions, no monthly contracts. It may be a sacrifice, probably more so for your son, but it sounds to me as if he understands. Even at 14 boys can be unexpectedly mature! Sometimes anyway .....

Good luck and keep up the good work!

HTH

ScaredNow77

Coming in to work and seeing these posts first thing has already made a difference to my day, so thank you again.

I'm sorry I didn't come back on here last night but I got in and had so much to do for my son's return to school today that time just got away from me. He managed to 'remember' that he had some coursework due today which should have been done over the holidays. Grrrr.

Had a very restless sleep last night. Went to bed exhausted and tearful at 9.30pm but lay awake until gone 11.00pm. Then kept waking up as usual - no sleep between 1.30am and 4.00am. Very tired today. I will however make an effort to gather up all my paperwork this evening and at least get it all in one place. Then hopefully over the weekend I can go through it bit by bit with your help.

Just a quickie though - - all the debts listed in my original post are mine. I haven't bothered listing my husband's. the only one that is shared is the personal loan for £16k, of which I am taking responsiblity for £8k. I think it's only fair because although it's in his name, we both spent the money. I dread to think what would happen if I contacted him to tell him I was no longer going to make that payment.

He moved out in October, although we are splitting the mortgage equally. It was quite a nasty separation in the end and we are not 'on speaking terms'. We have sent texts about certain household matters, but other than that, he's out of my life.

I phoned the doctor today but they are not taking advance appointments. You have to phone at midday and ask for one for the afternoon. Fingers crossed I can get an appointment for after 5.00pm as I have no holiday left until April so I can't leave early.

I would love to comment on each individual response - and I will over the next few days. You've all been so amazing and giving of your time. I'm extremley grateful and feel quite 'protected' (if that's the right word) by your support. I'm starting to believe that maybe I can get through this.

S x