Please help me! Nothing to live for

millionaire_in_training

Hi there. Reading your post made me sad as I could have been reading the story of my own financial despair a year ago BUT and please believe me when I say that you have made a huge step towards helping yourself by coming here. Are you going to let the mistake of marrying an A$$ wreck your whole life or will you do what we women always seem to do and lift yourself up and fight for yourself and your son. That was the path I chose and have fought like a tiger since. Please please see it that way and not as an impossible situation. Everything can be fixed and you will feel much much better once you know exactly where you stand and start dealing with it. It will be hard for a while but soooooooo worth it in the end. Keep posting and we will keep chatting to you. Chin up and good luck xx

fletch3163

Hi there

I'm so sorry to read how low you are. Please try to stay calm, you will see the solutions better that way. I'm constantly amazed at how well our fellow posters cope with helping to find solutions and counselling people. Their depth of knowledge and basic caring attitude makes me think there's few places like here for tea and sympathy AND constructive advice.

I wish you well and will watch your transformation with interest.

findingmyownway

Looking back over what you have written, you need to work out what debts are in your name / husbands name etc.

From the sounds of it a lot is in your husbands name so you don't have to worry so much about this (they may be factored into a divorce but until then HE is responsble for paying them).

Once you have a list of your debts the problem is much easier to assess.

ScaredNow77

Oh wow! I'm overwhelmed by your responses already and am sat at my desk at work crying. Luckily we have a 'skeleton staff' today so no one can see how crazy I really am.

As soon as I get home tonight I will try and find as much paperwork as I can. I have a feeling I'm going to need it to answer any questions.

And thank you thank you thank you for making me feel less alone. Do you know, I really expected my post to go unanswered for days. I know how these forums work, I've seen people get excellent advice on here, but I just thought that my post wouldn't get a response. I know that sounds silly but I honestly feel invisable and totally alone right now. I can't thank you guys enough for responding so quickly.

And I will also phone for a doctor appointment. I'm just very wary of being told I have depression and then being put on pills or being forced to take time off work. I won't get paid sick pay (apart from statutory) so I would be in even bigger trouble. I also feel I need to 'keep going' for my son - he's 14 so he's not unaware of what's going on. In fact, he's the one that originally suggested bankruptcy because his friend's mum did it! Bless him.

S x

findingmyownway

Monthly income This can be increased by selling on ebay, 2nd job etc
Wages: £1,156.00
Child benefit: £56.00
Child tax credits: £120.00

Total IN: £ 1,332.00

Monthly outgoings
Fixed rate mortgage: £352.50 (this is half the full amount, husband pays other half)
Barclays personal loan: £221.00
Welcome Finance secured loan: £209.00
Credit cards: £50.00 (minimum repayments - £25 x 2)
Council tax: £59.00 are you claiming single person discount? you can also get your payments spread over 12 months rather than 10 to help with budgeting.
Water rates: £35.00 (my quarterly bill is about £95)
Gas / electric: Not sure – need to refer to previous bill
TV licence: £12.00
Mobile phone: £20 PAYG (£10 me, £10 son)
Home phone/TV/internet package: £60 (‘3 for £30’, plus 800 minutes) can you get rid of the extra minutes? £30 would be a good deal but £60 isnt - particularly with mobile costs on top.
Pet insurance: £7.00 is the really essential?
Pet food: £20.00 switch to cheaper brands
Groceries: £200.00 approx for 1 adult and 1 child? if so then head over to the old style board where there are tons of ideas to reduce the costs of food.
Bus (son - school): £66.00 this is a lot, can he not get a free pass? or even a half-fare pass?
Film rental: £3.50 cancel this, you simply can't afford it
Magazines/newspapers: £10.00 ditto above
Cost of birthdays: £10.00
Total OUT: £ 1,452.17

pania

honey at the top of your thread is a title marked private messages. when you see a 1 appear in there click on it and it will bring up a message in sec.

The doctor would not force you to have time off, but the tablets would make things much much easier to cope with day to day life.

You are not invisible, you are not alone and you are NOT stupid.

Big big hug
xxx

MissKJ

Oh your poor child! Out of the mouths of babes eh. The best thing you can do for him is to show how to deal with problems....the right way..... and don't let him get too bogged down with your problems, but do include him in your successes. I promise you WILL have them. Start with your SOA, and get him helping by raising his own pocket money out of ebay etc....

cumbrianmum

Hi - Give yourself a big thumbs up for being braver than most and posting here - then give yourself a pat on the back for choosing this forum since we've all been there and some of us are still there.

Wiser people than me can give advice on the finance and I'd agree with those suggesting a visit to the doctors.

Debt is simply debt - scary but you are brave and strong enough to get through this for both you and your son.

findingmyownway

ScaredNow77 wrote: »

Oh wow! I'm overwhelmed by your responses already and am sat at my desk at work crying. Luckily we have a 'skeleton staff' today so no one can see how crazy I really am.

As soon as I get home tonight I will try and find as much paperwork as I can. I have a feeling I'm going to need it to answer any questions.

And thank you thank you thank you for making me feel less alone. Do you know, I really expected my post to go unanswered for days. I know how these forums work, I've seen people get excellent advice on here, but I just thought that my post wouldn't get a response. I know that sounds silly but I honestly feel invisable and totally alone right now. I can't thank you guys enough for responding so quickly.

And I will also phone for a doctor appointment. I'm just very wary of being told I have depression and then being put on pills or being forced to take time off work. I won't get paid sick pay (apart from statutory) so I would be in even bigger trouble. I also feel I need to 'keep going' for my son - he's 14 so he's not unaware of what's going on. In fact, he's the one that originally suggested bankruptcy because his friend's mum did it! Bless him.

S x

awww, have a (((hug)))

i promise, you never need to feel invisible here. Your doctor can not force you to take anti-depressants, but he may be able to put you in touch with a councillor or similar. Either way, its best there is a record of your feelings, even if they can't actually do much to help. There is a "Depression support thread" on this board too, started by Lucy1982 which you could take a look at.


Your son sounds lovely, its great that he is aware of the situation. Maybe you could get him involved (in a non-scary way) by asking him to sort out the house and make a pile of old books, clothes, CDs, DVDs, playstation games etc that can be sold on Ebay. If you need any help with setting that up just drop me a PM (PM=private message, do it by clicking my username).


I honestly don't know if bankrupcy would be a good way forward. We really need to see the figures first and so good luck sorting that paperwork out. A lot is going to depend what is in your name and what is in your husbands and so make sure to include that info.


Welcome again, you are not alone. There are lots of regulars on here to help and plenty newbies too (especially at this time of the year). The board has been super busy over the last couple of days but i know I and a lot of the other regulars are putting more time in and trying our best to respond to every cry for help.

Mupeteer

You poor thing. We all know how it feels when things get so bad but the really important thing is that you've realised.

You wont do your son any favours by letting yourself become unwell. Don't be afraid of being given anti-depressants. I have been on and off them for the last 9 years now and they really do help. Your doctor can't force you to take time off work and it does sound like that would make your situation worse anyway.

Try to look after yourself and remember that no matter how bad things get something can always be done. you'll get lots of help and support here so use it.

Good luck with it all.