Please help me! Nothing to live for

elsien

ScaredNow77 wrote: »

And I will also phone for a doctor appointment. I'm just very wary of being told I have depression and then being put on pills or being forced to take time off work. I won't get paid sick pay (apart from statutory) so I would be in even bigger trouble. I also feel I need to 'keep going' for my son - he's 14 so he's not unaware of what's going on. In fact, he's the one that originally suggested bankruptcy because his friend's mum did it! Bless him.

S x

Don't forget that the doctor is there to help, not to force you to do something you don't want to do - I went to my GP 3 times before he managed to convince me that antidepressants were a good thing for me at that time. The GP can make suggestions but you don't have to follow them. Pills can help though - they don't all have nasty side effects, they might only be for a while, and they can give you a breathing space and the strength to make the changes you need, so you can start to feel better about things, so don't rule them out if they are suggested. If you need more help and advice following your appointment, pop over to the depression support thread - lots of nice people who can give far more helpful advice than me.
My depression was caused by stress, and once I got that sorted it never came back. I hope you can find the strength you need to carry on from the start that you've made - things can and will get better, honest. Good luck.

poppy10_2

ScaredNow77 wrote: »

I considered bankruptcy but then got scared because someone told me that I could go to jail for taking out the secured loan so recently and then ‘wasting it’.

This is nonsense, don't listen to this person.

Hope things get better for you, you have come to the right place

findingmyownway

Don't mean to upset you, but what exactly DID you spend the latest loan on?

Anything that can be sold to pay off some debts?

ScaredNow77

I'm going to have to log out until I get home now - the last half hour at work is always a mad rush - but I didn't want you to think I'm being rude for not responding. I'll put some time in as soon as I get in. And thank you ALL so much again!!

Findingmyownway: Trust me, if I could sell anything I bought, I would. It was mostly the cinema, cosmetics, spa treatments, eating out every night to cheer myself up (and my son), and clothes/shoes. Sick sick sick just thinking about it. The only purchase I made that I could possibly sell would be the ipod for my son, but then I doubt I would get much for it as he's had it for a month and it is all scratched on the back now. Teenagers!!

I will speak more when I get home. You're all so fantastic.

Oh, but what is the SOA that I need to do? Sorry, newbie alert!

angelavdavis

Just wanted to offer my support.

Sorry to hear things have been going so badly for you.

I had a disastrous marriage my first time round - so know how wretched it can leave you feeling, but you need to pull yourself together and there are plenty of kind folk as you have discovered on here to help you through. You have found the strength to post up your SOA, so clearly you aren't as weak as you were feeling when you first posted - its takes a strong person to face up to a situation.

Follow the advice about going to the Docs - its worth getting your head straight first so you can feel stronger about tackling the practical stuff.

Findingyownway has posted up their comments on your SOA - all sound advice that should help you rein in the outgoings to ensure you don't overspend monthly. Then you need to start keeping a spending diary of every penny that is going out of the house.

Ref: water - are you on a meter? I suspect not, but it might be worth considering getting one - Martin has written an article here about the subject that might be worth a read - my bill went from £55 per month to £19 per month when I switched to a meter.

Find out the aprs for your cards, if they are high rates - be cheeky - phone them up pretending you are looking to move the cards because you think you could get a better, more competitive rate elsewhere and ask them if they are willing to offer you a more competitive apr to keep you - nothing ventured, nothing gained. The lower you can keep the interest at, the better.

Ref Barclays loan - what is the apr of the personal loan? Dig out the Terms and conditions and see if you are able to overpay the loan in anyway without penalty.

You need to look at potential income opportunities: do you have a spare room you can rent out? Anything to ebay? Go through the house and declutter. Anything you raise you need to throw at the credit card debts. Log onto www.entitledto.co.uk and see if you are getting every benefit you are entitled to.

Debt is a drag but its not worth throwing your life away over. The worst case is that you sell the house to clear debt, but you are a long way from that point at the moment.

Is any of your husbands debt tied to the house and is it all in his name?

tesuhoha

Just a few things strike me. Your monthly child benefit looks rather low to me. Could you possibly check to see if you are receiving the full amount. Also, if your husband took out the loans for the wedding and honeymoon, should he not be the one who is liable to pay them? Could you not persuade him to take them on so you only have the secured loan to pay. If he took out a loan to pay off his ex girlfriend, could he not do the same for you? I think that your husband should take a fair share of the financial burden. Also is it possible to extend the term of the mortgage to lower the monthly payments.

You have a lot to live for. Your son is at a vulnerable age and will want his mum around, no matter how in debt and depressed. You are not the compulsive spender you think you are as you were debtfree when you met your OH.

sunshine_shell

Clothes and Shoes sell really well on ebay!! I liked (note the liked) shopping to make myself feel better and when i realised what a mess i got myself into, i sold so much stuff on ebay!! Do a SOA with everything included, the people on this board are amazing people and will help you as much as possible!

Skint_Catt

(((HUGS))) to you. It's horrible now, but it can only get better! I'm nearly 31 and had to go through three bouts of depression before I succumbed to anti-depressants. They were the best thing I ever did and less than 18m later I'm off them and things are great. I still have my 'moments' but my wonderful OH who I've just moved in with makes me feels tonnes better.

Get your paperwork into piles and sorted, have a cuppa and come back to us. There are wonderful people on here who willalways make you feel better and on the road to Debtfreeness!!!!! :j

Catt xx

jude47

Hi SN77
Huge hugs to you babe - you WILL get through this, and you'll get so much support here, they're fantastic. A couple of things - please DO go to your Doc. Pills may not be for you, but counselling might help to give you the emotional tools to deal with this difficult (but not impossible) situation. Also, your Child Benefit - it's a Statutory rate of £18.10 per week for one child, so on a calendar monthly basis you should be getting around £78.00??
Keep posting and let us know how you're doing. You'll be bowled over by the help you get here, I promise!!

Jude xx

benbenandme

Okay, number one ... welcome to the club, the friendliest most helpful bunch of people I've ever come across live here and you've just joined us, nice to meet you :beer:

Number two, from my rough calculations I reckon your outgoings are about £1335 rather than £1450 ??? I know it doesn't help a lot but at least they roughly equal your income

I will be around more later ... look forward to getting to know you more over the next few months, keep posting, and however low you feel today remember it will never seem this bad again because you (with our help) will be tackling this day-by-day now, so pull up a chair, stick the kettle on and lets get cracking