Please help me! Nothing to live for

ScaredNow77

I hope I've done this right .....

EDITED TO INCLUDE TOTAL DEBT OUTSTANDING

Monthly income
Wages: £1,156.00
Child benefit: £56.00
Child tax credits: £120.00

Total IN: £ 1,332.00

Monthly outgoings
Fixed rate mortgage: £352.50 (this is half the full amount, husband pays other half) (we are currently in negative equity due to the market so can't sell at present)
Barclays personal loan: £221.00 (total owed £16k)
Barclays overdraft: £200.00 (used every month)
Welcome Finance secured loan: £209.00 (total owed £10k)
Credit cards: £50.00 (minimum repayments - £25 x 2) (total owed £2k)
Council tax: £59.00
Water rates: £35.00 (my quarterly bill is about £95)
Gas / electric: Not sure – need to refer to previous bill
TV licence: £12.00
Mobile phone: £20 PAYG (£10 me, £10 son)
Home phone/TV/internet package: £60 (‘3 for £30’, plus 800 minutes)
Pet insurance: £7.00
Pet food: £20.00
Groceries: £200.00 approx
Bus (son - school): £66.00
Film rental: £3.50
Magazines/newspapers: £10.00
Cost of birthdays: £10.00

Total OUT: £ 1,452.17

(I have no idea about APRs or other info like that. I'm in a mess and my paperwork is all over the place.)


My road to debt …
I met my (soon to be ex) husband 3 years ago. I was debt free.
He had a loan with his ex-girlfriend. He took out a £3k loan to pay her off when he met me so that he could cut that connection with her. He proposed to me quickly and we got swept away with planning a wedding and honeymoon. All the magazines suckered me in and we overspent. Before we knew it, we had incurred a £1k overdraft and were living off this month to month.
Despite this, we bought a house through Northern Rock. We were given a 110% mortgage (£95,000 mortgage, £20,000 un-secured loan). Total monthly repayment Fixed at £705.52 for 5 years. This was our first mistake. Now turns out that although our property was valued at £129k in the summer, and if we had sold then our main debts would be clear, our property is now only worth £110k and doesn’t even scratch the surface of our debt. Read on to see why …

Crisis point
Without my knowledge, husband took out a £8,000 loan to pay for the wedding costs.
Furthermore, he took out an extra £5,000 to pay for our honeymoon.
Back from honeymoon, we very quickly realised that we had made a mistake getting married and that we didn’t love each other. Very stupid but true. Screaming arguments were daily, the tension was unbelievable, but we tried to keep going. I became extremely depressed, put on 35lbs in a couple of months and started spending on credit cards. Before I knew it, I had racked up a further £4k of debt.
Husband then took out a further £3k loan (can’t even remember what for!!) taking his personal loan up to £16k.
He then left me in October, weeks before a holiday we had booked (using credit cards of course) to the Caribbean. I went with my son as planned.
I got back from holiday, depressed as hell, and took out a SECURED loan for £10k. Had every intention of paying off the credit cards and using the balance for an operation I need. But instead I used £2k to pay off one credit card, I gave £5k to someone as a loan (and I know I’m NEVER seeing that again – long story, told you I was stupid), and I have wasted the rest on shopping for Christmas, incurring extortionate phone bills (up to £400 per month) which I then paid, and god only knows what else!! The money is gone and I only took the loan out last month. The fact that it is secured on my house makes me feel sick to the pit of my stomach. Does this mean I can’t sell the property now when/if the market recovers? I don’t know what I’ve gone and done, I just know it’s bad. My husband signed the papers with me (he is not liable for the loan but he had to agree to me securing it on the property – I’m confused about how that works but there you go).

Current situation
I have no idea what I’m going to do. I feel like I’m dead on the inside. I feel insane. I feel scared. I feel sick. I feel like running away. I feel like killing myself. I look at my son and I think “I’ve totally screwed us both”. I considered bankruptcy but then got scared because someone told me that I could go to jail for taking out the secured loan so recently and then ‘wasting it’. Yes, I did do that. I’m not thinking straight. I know that’s no excuse and you can tear me to shreds now. I deserve it. But honestly, I’m not thinking straight at all. I have a history of depression and shopping has always been the way I deal with it. But in the past, I’ve had the funds so it’s not been a problem.
The last 3 years of my life have been wasted, my husband is gone, I’m in a terrifying amount of debt and I can’t stop spending like a lunatic. I’m losing weight like there’s no tomorrow and I can’t sleep anymore. I’m finished. I’m a total wreck.
I really don’t know what to do.
Help … please?
S x

custardy

the guys in the know will comment soon with real help.
all i can say is be calm and take the advice given.

forget going to jail!! this is debt not murder were talking about!
bankrupcy isnt the end of the world if it comes to that

pania

no one here is going to tear you to shreds, no one here is going to tell you you are stupid or berate you in anyway.

You have not screwed your son up
You will not go to jail for "wasting" a loan
You have things to carry on for, een if it is hard to see right now
this DOES GET BETTER!!!!! from someone who has been there please please believe that this is the truth.

While i am typing a longer reply honey, go get a cup of tea and run round the house grabbing as much paperwork as you can lay your hands on.

It sounds to me as though you are suffering from depression, the lack of sleep, the loosing weight, the compulsive spending are all typical symptoms. Make an appointment at your GP asap for us sweetheart.

Right, go on, go get that paperwork sweetie, post back here as soon as you have it, if you can't find any, no worries, come back here anyway.

Have a massive virtual hug to be going on with. We can sort this mess out.

xxx

hayley11

Awww big hugs hun, please try not to panic, this can be sorted out and like custardy said, bankruptcy is not the end of the world and you wont go to jail.

Lots of people are in this situation and this site is great for support and advice and it really helps to come on here.

Take care of yourself hun.

Hayley x

ClaireLR

Hi Hun

I've read all of your post and there are certain parts I can help you with, and others that I can't.

Firstly I think you should go to see your doctor, money is not worth killing yourself over and if you feel so low you HAVE to go and see someone, if not for yourself do it for the sake of your son. Your health has to be your first priority, if your not in good health working through the rest of your problems will be extremely difficult.

You would NOT go to jail for making yourself bankrupt, despite what happened with your loan. In any case I am going to cut and paste this on the bankruptcy and living with it board to see if someone there can advise you from that perspective on your options.

You are NOT stupid. We're all here for the same reason. Your not the only person to have blinded by love and shelled out for stuff on credit before realising you have been foolish (and I speak from experience). Keep posting here, theres loads of help, and also ring one of the debt charities who will be able to advise you of ALL your options (Ill try and get numbers for them and come back and post again).

I know you feel desperate now but like I've said we've all been there and I'm sure we can help you through this.

Back soon. X

misspoppy

Hi

You have everthing to live for you have a son to keep you going. No debt is ever worth giving up on life. You sound depressed prehaps you should go and speak to your doctor to help you deal with this very difficult time.

I think you need some professional advice at the top of the page martin has a link to not for profit advisors.

Please keep coming back here, others will have more advice but when you feel alone there will always be someone to chat to.

purpledelly

Firstly I want to send you a big hug. You need it.

Secondly, stop beating yourself up and believe that you CAN get out of this. So you've realised you've made a huge mistake over the last 3 years - join the club - we've all made a mess of our finances on here and none of us is stupid or useless.

How old is your son?

Please don't think that the only way out is to do something stupid - it's not - but if you really do feel suicidal, please talk to someone who can help - doctor, samaritans or a good friend.

Then you need to talk to someone about finances - like Payplan, the CCCS or the National Debtline - because they WILL be able to take the weight off your shoulders and help you find a way to deal with it. There is always a way and it is always way way better than sitting worrying about ifs and maybes. Their numbers are in links at the top of this page and they will be open today- phone one of them to talk.

You can't go to prison for 'wasting' a secured loan by the way.

I'm sure you'll get loads of sound advice on here so stay around and stay strong x

MissKJ

Oh you poor thing, just just brought tears to my eyes.

Now you have vented your feelings, like pania says, it is time to calm down. We all make mistakes, you have just compounded yours by having your head in the sand for too long. Shake out that sand and lets be more constructive. There is so much help and support here, it will help you.

Step one, have another rant, and carry on gathering that paperwork, you have work to do........

ClaireLR

I've posted this on the bankruptcy board so that people from there can offer you advice, here is the link

[FONT=&quot]http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?p=7596695#post7596695

Also here are some numbers for debt charities who offer free impartial advice

[/FONT] Professional, free, impartial advice on debt problems can be sought from several charitable and 'not for profit' organisations.They never make a penny from the advice they give, which means it will be given with only your best interests at heart.Contact:Your local CAB Office and ask to speak to a 'money advisor'. The Consumer Credit Counselling Service (CCCS)Tel: 0800 138 1111National Debtline-Tel: 0808 808 4000 Payplan-Tel: 0800 917 7823 Insolvency Service-Tel: 0845 602 9848
Are you ok?

Just edited to say if you click on each name it will take you direct to their website, and thanks to Tigerfeet whose signature I've pinched this from!)

emmalee1985

big hugs to you

i used to feel like you are know , as im sure many others have

my biggest fear was going to jail for debt, but honestly there is always a wway to get through.

xx

findingmyownway

I promise, you are no more stupid than the rest of us on here. We all have made mistakes - the key is facing up to them.

Have a look at the sticky for first time posters and start getting together your SOA.