Living Large, on a Small Income, by the Sea.

PennysIntoPounds

That's a shame especially for someone who was an important friend when you needed them, but if she's currently going through a being unpleasant phase then it's okay to let her go while you focus on only having pleasantness in your life.

What a pity people behave like that though.
Fair enough to say 'I can't believe I didn't think of using it like that, if you stop using it then straight back to me please!' but to make you feel like you're an unpaid curator of her stuff and that gifts aren't meaningful is disgraceful.

Tresinia511

No friend worth their salt would ask. Ergo, off the Christmas card list and that would be that for me.  She let you stay in her house but that's not the point and I think you are being robbed spiritually. In the bin for me sorry

beanielou

I really cannot fathom some people’s behaviour and how their mindset works. 

doingitanyway

Thanks @liselle I don't think her daughter is asking at all. And if she knew it was gone anyway, she would accept it. Friend only started saying that once she had come to stay and saw it in my house.

Thanks @Sun_Addict I wouldn't ever do that either. I gave an old lock for the front door to the handyman. Later I thought I should have kept that as it would have been useful for a room I want a lock on. Did I ask for it back? Of course not as I had already given it! And he isn't even a friend...

Thanks @PennysIntoPounds It is indeed disgraceful. I will boxing up anything she has given me and returning those items too. 

Thanks @Tresinia511 reluctantly I have to agree...

Thanks @beanielou I don't really understand it either...

So, in addition to the friend incident I broke another thing. Not holding onto my things or friends...Huh!

I went out with a friend and her friend. Stroll to the park. Nice chat. Came back and a dog had peed on my doorstep. It must have been a big dog as my rug outside was wet too. I washed the doorstep and rug down with disinfectant. It has to be said, today hasn't been my favourite Sunday... 

I need to list gratitudes before I start to feel sorry for myself...So,

I have my own home, so falling out with my friend is not a threat to the roof over my head
I am not in pain
Lovely yoga class
Reassurance from this corner of the forum

Tresinia511

Yuk to dog wee  😬. It's sad I know that people let you down.  You can't control that but you can control your response. Being in control of your own world gives most piece of mind at the end of the day

PennysIntoPounds

Despite all I've said, is it worth sending her a message tomorrow saying something like 'I know this wasn't your intention but you asking for this back has really deeply hurt me'.

I wrote a longer version of that but you have your own words should you choose to use them!

You said she's been a good friend and there when you really needed her, maybe she was having a particularly insensitive or insecure moment or is trying for some reason to impress her daughter and didn't think of the wider implications.

Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater just because we're all agreeing that she was bang out of order. Sometimes people are foolish and don't realise their impact, especially on trusted and loved friends who we may take for granted.

Obviously if she's flagrant in response sack her off and we'll all give her the mse group glare, but let her know it hurt first and see what can be mended from both ends x

doingitanyway

Thanks @Tresinia511 as you say peace of mind is the goal 

Thanks @PennysIntoPounds I've already done that. We have been messaging, but we are poles apart on this one. There is no 'throwing out' I've already worked hard at keeping the door open, even before this incident, because she has been a good friend. It is still open, but I would never accept a gift from her again. I won't be making any future effort.  It will have to come from her. If it doesn't, I am ok with that. 

And.. you are wearing the word flagrant out...

PennysIntoPounds

Ah that's a shame, then big well done to you for trying to see what could be bridged. No future effort sounds the right way forward.

And as such is the case, I will use up my whole year's supply on her scummy behaviour- flagrant flagrant flagrant 

That'll teach her, along with the boo and hiss I just gave her out of my window. 

Tresinia511

Dia pip does get my vote for the phrase mse group glare 😅, as you know,  I love a bit of side eye myself ha ha. As a final input on the subject from me , can we agree this was egregiously bad form (new word to replace flagrant as that's all used up 🤣🤣) and as the friend knows the position , let her reflect.  I said at beginning I wouldn't give the item back but now I think I probably would as to draw a line under the subject and it has lost its shine due to her.  She will have the item but she won't have you.  Her loss. 

Watty1

Just caught up.   Appalled at friend, but, there we have it. Some people are just odd about "something" and then the friendship is tarnished.  I've lost a few 'really good friends' along the way. It makes me sad when I remember them and i have to remind myself of the saying that friends are for "a reason a season or a lifetime" and sometimes the seasons can be long but then they go.

It is sad, but I sometimes I think I feel the loss more than they do.  Shuffling off now as I remember people gone sadly.