Pregnant - what to do? Please help...

JoJoB

I forgot to mention - I work as a reflexologist and this involves a lot of women coming to me with fertility issues. A fair percentage of these women have had issues with hyperthyroidism, as you do. This is certainly something to consider. How hyperthyroidism specifically affects fertility is not 100% clear but the consultants in these women's cases believe it is an issue. So if you both want children at some stage then a healthy pregnancy now, rather than when you are older may constitute your best chance.

nicola1982_2

JoJoB wrote: »

I have many friends now who are late 30s, early 40s, who for various reasons did not have children when they had the chance and all are involved in a race against time to find a man and/or conceive. I have one friend who has always been adamant she and her OH don't want children ever and she is still of the same mind at 40 years old.

My opinion is that unless you are like her and know for certain you do not ever want children then lost opportunities may haunt you at some point in the future. At the same time you cannot make a decision based on what you may feel in the future so it is a difficult one! But equally, making a decision based on fear of how different life will be with the little one would be doing yourself and your relationship a disservice. Whenever you feel "ready" for a baby you still won't be properly ready, not really. It will always turn your life upside down, no matter how prepared you are financially or emotionally. you just have to think of everything being turned upside down as part of the adventure.

Don't be afraid to get on the rollercoaster, you'll love it.

I completely agree with you - there seems to be a trend towards seeing a younger mum as a 'failure' lately. When my 30 something year old boss got pregnant she was dubbed as 'going to be a great mum' and yet I was constantly asked 'are you sure this is what you want?', 'what about your career?'. She spent her pregnancy working till 8pm at times, I didn't. I have managed to get to term with cervical incompetance (which is a rare feat) and am expecting a big healthy baby because I put my baby first. Yet I'm still branded as too young by my work colleagues. It makes me very angry because I have sacrificied a lot in comparison to her and will continue to do so :mad:

Peakma

hi cheltenhamgirl ,I'm truly sorry if the thread I linked,which I previously started, upset you.To be honest I didn't re-read it, and its about a year and a half since I started it.I just remembered about it when I read your post and thought it might be relevant to you,to read a similar situation.
I do remember it was quite a feisty debate,and there were some far fetched,extreme opinions.But the intention was not to cause you upset.Hope that's o.k.

Leigh-Anne_60

Becles wrote: »

I think that will be the turning point that will make your mind up once and for all. Be prepared for some huge emotions and some huge maternal instincts to kick in. It'll look like a peanut, but you'll suddenly want to move heaven and earth to nurture your peanut! If that doesn't happen, I think you'll know your answer.

Take care and keep us updated xx

Totally agree Becles - you will know for sure then CG, But at your stage you will probably see more than a peanut

grahamliza4

nicola1982 wrote: »

I completely agree with you - there seems to be a trend towards seeing a younger mum as a 'failure' lately. When my 30 something year old boss got pregnant she was dubbed as 'going to be a great mum' and yet I was constantly asked 'are you sure this is what you want?', 'what about your career?'. She spent her pregnancy working till 8pm at times, I didn't. I have managed to get to term with cervical incompetance (which is a rare feat) and am expecting a big healthy baby because I put my baby first. Yet I'm still branded as too young by my work colleagues. It makes me very angry because I have sacrificied a lot in comparison to her and will continue to do so :mad:

Arrrrghhhh yes this happened to me too - I sympathize! Anyone married and older and it was 'oh how wonderful', when it was me they were like 'you've got to get rid of it'. My boss actually gave me a lecture on how hard life was going to be as a single parent (I had a partner, we chose house and children over a wedding as I feel it counts for nothing these days and is just v.expensive party, marriage is just a legal agreement over money), until I pointed out I actually wasn't, and he basically said well you're not married so obviously you'll end up on your own, in a council flat, on benefit, etc. Stupid sanctimonious !!!!!! - I hear his wife later left him and took his kids with her - so much for marriage being the key to a stable family!

Remember the idea age for childbearing is 17/18 (or when you've stopped growing) to 34/35. I know of plenty of women who had 2/3 NHS abortions during their 20s and 30s for the sake of their 'career', and are now 40+ and 'desperate' for a baby! Everyone says oh you poor thing, how awful, I have no idea why you can't get pregnant....etc...better have a few courses of expensive IVF on the NHS as it's your god-given right to have a child you know.....

Another example of extreme stupidity in practice.

grahamliza4

Leigh-Anne_60 wrote: »

Totally agree Becles - you will know for sure then CG, But at your stage you will probably see more than a peanut

Yes yes - and they'll move the thing over your tummy and the scanner person always frowns when doing this and you get this huge urge to ask 'is the baby okay?' I think you can even get a photo if you want one. You see this little clear area and suddenly all the pics you saw in textbooks at school make sense - oooh look there's my womb, etc!

JoJoB

grahamliza4 wrote: »

Another example of extremem stupidity in practice.

Bit harsh. Ever make a mistake in your youth?

Hindsight is always 20/20 innit, it is difficult to know what the right thing to do is when you are in your 20s. It is drummed into us over and over that a career is the be all and end all and that if you're not earning x amount by the time you're 30 you're some sort of failure. It often takes until your 30s to get a bit of perspective on those attitudes. To write people off as stupid for waiting to have a baby is pretty judgemental.

Even though I am having my first baby late in life (36) I feel it is the right time for me personally. I did worry that maybe I had left it too late, but I also know that I was a basket case in my 20s and I am rather glad I am older with a lot of issues resolved!

There are obviously pros and cons for all ages of motherhood!

amandada

Cheltenhamgirl, my heart goes out to you-you sound like you're in such turmoil.
In all the arguments of pro this and anti that, the only thing that I am pro, is CHOICE.
No one can tell you what to do, but I hope that when you have your appointment on Wednesday it gives you a "lightbulb moment" of which way to go. I for one would support you, whatever that choice is.
xxx

grahamliza4

JoJoB wrote: »

Bit harsh. Ever make a mistake in your youth?

I made many mistakes in my life, but I could never kill an innocent child because of a mistake I made. My first son was a mistake - I never thought of it as bad. People should accept the consequences of their actions.

Nothing wrong with kids at 40+ as long as the women don't take advantage of NHS by demanding free IVF as they are too old to conceive, whinge because they cant conceive naturally or with IVF as they are too old, and if they aborted healthy babies in earlier years I think we certainly shouldnt be paying for them to make new ones now when it suits them. It's complete madness to pander to these fools.

tiamai_d

cheltenhamgirl wrote: »

It's horrible - I honestly had no idea....yesterday I managed three small pieces of bread spread throughout the day (all of which came back up) and a glass of water. Today I had half a piece of bread for breakfast, and two ginger biscuits for lunch - again, all of which I've seen again. I feel absolutely exhausted, and very faint, but even the thought of eating or drinking anything, even water makes me retch. And what's this about it being 'morning' sickness!? Mine lasts 24hours a day....! Thankyou for the rest of your post. I think that's the hardest thing, nobody else can tell you what to do. I just want somebody to solve the problem for me, but I know only I (with the help of OH) can make the decision...

Morning[STRIKE]all bloody day[/STRIKE]sickness, if you can't eat, don't eat. I was like this with DS2, up until about 28 weeks... And water made me sick. Don't force yourself to eat, you will find that you get a 'window' of hunger, mine was at exactly 4.45pm and I could eat a couple potato wedges. Sip at whatever drink you fancy, but tiny sips. Sometimes jelly is good as it's mostly water.

Termination, that's your choice, only you can decide. But if it's about money, you find a way.