Pregnant - what to do? Please help...

gozaimasu

Not sure that my input will be of any help, since you've already have so many wonderful and eloquently worded replies, but my take on it is this:

Termination - even if you regret it, you can always go on to have another baby when you feel 100% ready

Having it is not something you can undo and then you'll be stuck with it for the rest of your life.

Bon courage, as the French would say.

Heaven-Leigh

Kylie wrote: »

I second this.

I 3rd it, it is your choice

ailuro2

fwiw I felt like I'd been physically shot when I saw those two blue lines, and burst into tears when I told my boyfriend. We were earning a bit less than you and your boyfriend, me on slightly more than him at the time.

We ended up moving house, getting engaged, and eventually when the baby was 2, we got married. I really dreaded looking after the baby as we were both shiftworkers, but somehow we muddled through, because we were pretty strong in the first place.

I wouldn't like to go through that first year again- OH struggled a bit because he didn't feel he knew what the baby needed. And I did?;) Babies are pretty sturdy though, and will keep crying until you find what they need (normally milk,a poo or a big burp!)

They are wonderful though, and change your life and your relationship forever. I wouldn't have had a termination either,despite being terrified of the consequences of keeping 'it'.

My very best wishes to you- I suspect you already know what you want to do, but it's difficult to admit, even to yourself, that you might want to be a mother, despite not wanting a child previously.;)

Ailuro

Bamber19

All i'd say is don't make it you decision and your chocie alone. I know that it is the woman that has to carry the baby and actually give birth but the child is the fathers child too. From your first post it definitely seems like whatever you do you will be talking with your partner so I guess my post is more general than directed at you but it just gets to me when i see or hear the "my body, my baby, my decision" attitude when i feel 2 people started the pregnancy and 2 people's wishes should be considered.

svmitche

I'm 29 and 31 weeks pregnant and I'm still bricking it as much as I was when I first found out.

We are in a similar position to you - we don't own our own home, we don't earn as much as you indicated in your first post, but we do live fairly comfortably.

I would say that of all the worries I have had the financial aspect has been the least troublesome for me - this site has been really helpful in terms of getting a ready stream of vouchers, discount codes, tips etc etc and it will continue to be so, and I also know that once bubs is born if I can't go back to my job, if it doesn't make financial sense, there are other things to do. At your age (even at my age) taking a career break is not the obstacle to getting ahead that it once was - in the meantime would you be willing to do any old job just to provide an income?

As others have said, your baby does not really need things - they just need you and the bare essentials - gadgets and gizmos and matching furniture are not necessary - and once family and friends find out you will be inundated with pre-loved clothing and new clothing, Johnson's baby products, you can get pakets and packets of nappies by using all the free vouchers that the baby clubs send to you etc etc.

I also have hypothyroidism and would echo WestonDave's post that you should not be having bouts of fatigue if you are being managed properly (outside preganancy - you'll obviously feel crap now!). Go back to your doctor and have your bloods done again - they will put your thyroxine up as they have done for me - but you will be more closely monitored throughout your pregnancy because of your condition. I felt like complete crap for the first three months of my pregnancy and could not eat, full stop. I lost a stone in weight and totally changed my personality for a while - back to normal now though!!

Despite the sheer terror of expecting a baby I will say that I wish I'd done it sooner - I can't help thinking that we waited a bit long, through worrying about money and how we'd cope - now we're in the situation we have to cope and we will. Whatever happens, it will turn out how it turns out...

Having said all this, however (sorry - rambling!) it is your choice and your OH's choice what you now do. I wouldn't have considered a termination, but no matter what anyone thinks or says it is your decision to make.

What I will say is that if all these young girls can manage just think how well you will do with a bit more life experience under your belt!

Good luck with whatever you decide!

BrandNewDay

With both of my pregnancies, I went through times of wondering "What have I done?!" It's totally normal to wonder if you can pull it off.

As far as I'm concerned, for someone who even likes babies a little bit, there is NOTHING like the love you will feel for your own baby. Nothing. Once that baby is in your arms, you will gladly die for it. Everything else in life suddenly seems trivial. As far as I'm concerned, my first son was the first person I'd ever truly loved. He gave my life purpose and meaning.

I wasn't in too good financial shape when I found out I was pregnant, and his biological father wanted nothing to do with us. And, this was in the United States, which isn't a welfare state. It's harsh over there. As luck would have it, I met a lovely British man and got married before my son's second birthday. But, even if that hadn't happened, I know I would have never regretted having my son.

That baby inside you might not feel like a baby, yet. But, that's a human being in there and once you clap eyes on the little babe, you will not be able to imagine the world without him or her in it.

grahamliza4

Good God woman, you are obviously not stupid, why on earth are you doubting yourself?

Yes, the man may walk off. This could happen even if you'd been married for 20 years and this was your 4th child. It could happen if you didn't have a child. Every woman who has a baby takes this risk, as we cant predict or control others.

You can't use being hypothyroid as an excuse to termiate - if you terminate a preganancy now because you think it'll make you feel ill you should get yourself sterilised at the same time. You will still be hypothyroid in 5/10 years - it will be no different - this is not a valid excuse. Every pregnant woman feels tired etc, and if you felt ill before your T4 must be off - get tested again, you'll need more thyroxine now there's two of you.

Lots of women work p/t and have a baby - you may decide not to go back to work, you could get a different job/work from home etc. There's the child benefit and tax credits to help with the £. you say you are not great with money - spend time budgeting and stick to it. And think about all the children born to worse off people than you - 'I aborted my baby as I couldn't afford to buy it expensive things' - ??!, babies do NOT need a lot, most kids i know born to rich parents are spoiled little so-and-sos. There's no shame in second hand stuff - no toddler ever turned around and said 'I wish you'd never had me mummy because my buggy isn't a Quinny 5000' or whatever. I think most people would rather be alive and poor than dead.

Eberybody I know has thought that they'd have a nice detached house in a cul-de-sac, two new cars on the drive, and it'd all look like something off an ad for B&Q paint before they had kids - that's a silly childish dream - let it go.

You are still young - yes, but sacrificing your baby to go travelling is the most selfish thing I ever heard. Shall I give my kids up for adoption as I fancy a 6month back-packing holiday? Think about it

I cannot see why a woman like you should choose to have an abortion. You have already said you are not, in your eyes, a likely candidate, and the 'maternal bond' you talk about - well that grows and grows and grows. Go and think about buying a teddy bear or a little sleepsuit for the baby - you'll feel such a swell of emotion as you think of preparing for your baby it'll actually physically hurt. Some women feel nothing in the way of attatchment at this stage, but if you feel it then you know you are having a baby don't you. At 9 weeks-ish it's heart is beating away and it looks like a teeny tiny baby even though its very small.

Having a baby is great and I'd recommend it to everyone (sounds trite but how else to summarise it?) Usually I try to steer away from posts like this as I always get loads of people telling me abortion is a womans right if she feels like it, etc and I should !!!!!! off. I will also point out that in my opinion, since no method of contraception is absolutely 100% effective and if the idea of having a baby is so repellant to you that you would then kill that baby, you shouldn't be having sex at all really.

But I figure if I can say one thing that helps just one woman make the right decsion I've saved the life of one child. Good luck mummy.

t_obermory

It sounds like you've already made your mind up, you're understandably scared but practicalities will fall into place should you go on with the pregnancy - you're earning plenty between you to support yourselves and a baby too.

Termination may seem like an easy option but it isn't, it is something that stays with you for life and you have to be fully prepared for this; having a termination will effect your relationship as much as having the baby will.

Good luck.

Peakma

Although it sounds harsh ,I have to agree with grahamliza4.
Good luck you'll be fine.

cheltenhamgirl

Wow thankyou everyone for all of your support and advice. I do appreciate everyone's advice, even those from people against abortion - everyone has a right to their opinion and if that's yours, you have every right to put it forward. I do believe that it's a choice that should be there for people who need/want it - not that I've decided that that's what I'm going to do, but I believe it should be there as a choice. But hey that's my opinion, and I know other people will disagree.

I've been away from work for a couple of days because I've had awful morning sickness....literally haven't eaten anything for the last few days apart from dry bread (which I immediately bring all back up) so feel absolutely horrendous, really lacking in energy.

As a bit of an update, I'm still really confused. I literally swing one way one day, and the next day I'm completely the opposite. Yesterday I was almost convinced I was going to have the baby, today I'm not so sure. Then I read all of your messages and now I feel more that I should have the baby. I really don't know.

We've got an appointment at a family planning clinic on Wedenesday morning to have a scan and also to meet with counsellors to discuss it all. I'm hoping we'll feel more certain once we've done that....