Don't hit me with those negative waves Moriarity

LzzyIsGod

I guess that's why they call it the blues - Elton John

Ugh I just cannot shift this heavy feeling of anxiety at the moment. Everything just seems such a struggle and pointless even though I can see some progress. Even the thought of pay day isn't doing its usual Buoy Me Up thing. Still hopefully the overall total debt should tick down to a 34 number next month.

Essential spend today on fuel and the prices seem to rocketed (guessing due to the uncertainty in oil producing areas) which did not improve my health and temper. The blooming car is STILL playing up at times despite the new water pump which is a perpetual worry tbh.

One positive is I have definitely lost some timber (weight) although I haven't faced the Step of Doom aka the scales but atleast my clothes are fitting better and there is no need to buy more. I am trying to eat healthily and exercise regularly to help my mood but I think worry and stress is playing a significant part at the moment. Still I may be broke but atleast I will be a thin corpse so every cloud and all that.

LzzyIsGod

A small postscript mainly for myself.

I always find reading this forum helpful - it's comforting to know there's others going through the same thing, inspiring that others have managed to find a way through and sometimes you need a little head wobble and perspective to remember there's others worse off and have gratitude for the things I do have and not constantly think about the things I don't.

flamingo22

My anxiety comes out of nowhere, one minute I am feeling okay and the next she's there, like a big weight, this is usually when I get my 'finance books' out and start doing my sums etc, debt is a burden, it's bloody awful in fact. I'm wishing my life away until my DFD but then remember I need to stop doing this as I'm also wishing my children's childhood away too 😢 
One day we will get there and hopefully forget about this time, but hopefully not forget too much that we get ourselves in a pickle again. 

I've read your diary and you're doing great 😊 

Sun_Addict

I guess that’s why the call it the blues is one of my all time favourite songs from the 80s. Brings back happy memories of being young free and single ❤️

I think most of us have a wobble at some stage, I know I do. You just have to straighten your crown and keep plodding on. 

LzzyIsGod

Brass in pocket - Pretenders

well hello pay day! All my overtime from May came through although I plan to squirrel it away if possible as I know August's pay will be fairly basic. A few urgent and immediate bills to sort this weekend too which will need to be covered but hopefully this months debt payments will start to make me feel a bit more positive. There has been absolutely no credit card spending last month either which does make me very happy. I'm still looking for new work shoes but I am definitely not going bonkers and buying anything overly expensive, just something to last whilst I get through all this. 

I did spend a small amount today (2 quid) on chocolate because, quite frankly, I wanted some 🤣. I didn't really need chocolate but i still ate it. Tomorrow will be a Spendy Day, but it's been allocated a budget so hope it should be ok (more on that Tomorrow!) 

Less said about the car the better. I swear the stress is raising my blood pressure. I did manage to destress a little with a home workout - it was a challenge in the heat but I'm determined to keep going without the gym. Tbh the budget can't stretch to a gym membership at the moment so home sweating it is. The gym will be the first thing I reinstate when I'm debt free 🤣

rachmac3

I hope you enjoyed every morsel of the chocolate!

LzzyIsGod

rachmac3 said:

I hope you enjoyed every morsel of the chocolate!

Do you know I didn't as much as I thought I would! Still ate it though 🤣 how were your chips?

rachmac3

Delightful! I started eating them a bit too quickly but slowed down to savour the last few.

weenancyinAmerica

We're still waiting I think to make sure everyone who has been using the site is found to be a human. Who knows what else might have been lurking and reading our posts. 

LzzyIsGod

weenancyinAmerica said:

We're still waiting I think to make sure everyone who has been using the site is found to be a human. Who knows what else might have been lurking and reading our posts. 

Tbh sometimes I definitely do not feel human especially in a morning 🤣