CrazyBee wants to be Mortgage Free!

RedLipstick

I'd just add, remember at this age, we still easily have some 25+ years of working life. Plan for something long term, that you will enjoy and that will pay the bills and let you live the life you want to live. Good luck! xx

CrazyBee787

Thanks @RedLipstick for all the effort that went into your responses, sorry I flip flopped on you. I don't really think I can lose weight like I said I could, because I really don't think I will last, I have gotton too big now, and I don't want an operation, perhaps I could make small changes, but I know the weight would just come back on. At least I am not gaining it now! I have just started a campaign on Amazon for my book, lets see if there are any takers?

Also maybe I should write tomorrow as well as job hunting. I do enjoy writing, I just need to beleive in myself both MD and Lodger feel I should do it, they have both said it. I do enjoy it, mission tomorrow housework and then book writing and job searching.

Enjoy your eveningsXX

Farmers-wife_2

Honestly, reading your posts, it sounds like you’re ricocheting from one thing to the next, almost like a teenager chasing after every passing thought. I don’t mean that harshly, but it’s like one minute you’re agreeing to have a lodger, then suddenly cancelling; you say you want to lose weight but you’re baking banana bread the next day; you’re trying to be careful with money and then blowing it, only to go through the hassle of getting a refund. It’s this constant back-and-forth, reacting in the moment, without really thinking through what you want or what’s sensible long-term.

You need to slow down and think properly about your actions, not just act on every impulse. It must be exhausting and probably leaves you feeling more unsettled than necessary. Take some time to properly weigh things up before you make decisions, especially about money, your home, and your health. Acting on knee-jerk reactions isn’t helping you move forward.

CrazyBee787

Farmers-wife_2 said:

Honestly, reading your posts, it sounds like you’re ricocheting from one thing to the next, almost like a teenager chasing after every passing thought. I don’t mean that harshly, but it’s like one minute you’re agreeing to have a lodger, then suddenly cancelling; you say you want to lose weight but you’re baking banana bread the next day; you’re trying to be careful with money and then blowing it, only to go through the hassle of getting a refund. It’s this constant back-and-forth, reacting in the moment, without really thinking through what you want or what’s sensible long-term.

You need to slow down and think properly about your actions, not just act on every impulse. It must be exhausting and probably leaves you feeling more unsettled than necessary. Take some time to properly weigh things up before you make decisions, especially about money, your home, and your health. Acting on knee-jerk reactions isn’t helping you move forward.

I know what you are saying, I do feel a bit unsettled. I know I want to lose weight but equally I know I can't I having tried and I don't beleive I can sustainably lose weight, when I lose a little I immediately want to put it back on - but that doesn't stop me from doing a bit of exercise and eating sensible things like fruit & veg and also not gain weight and not eat irratically or reach for high cal foods all the time, just stop myself. But I don't like the way I look and I don't have a lot of confidence, but i'll just have to make do because I have this body whether I like it or not.

Today MD didn't know about my going back and forth with regards the nursing and she said why don't you use Mrs X for a reference, I have asked and she is progressing my application as we speak. I had thought for a long time about nursing but I never looked up to it before I know that is pretty awful things to say, but now I am shunned out of accounts I feel that maybe it would be quite a good vocation. I umm and ahh because of my size and they are on their feet a lot of the time. But it depends what type of nurse you are.

I saw a sign last night, I looked at open appointments for nursing and I immediately saw one in Guernsey, there was a registered nurse post for £44KPA, obviously I would need to train and become experienced as well like 5 years maybe so 8-9 years altogether. Saving heavily and maybe win something if I should be so lucky and perhaps win the heart of a man with a big wallet!! But I thought that would be my way in to Guernsey as that is where I want to go.

It is quite a big decision I need to do something soon, I don't have the same get up and go as I once did which puts me off going, but I have a lot of desire to get stuck into something new equally, I feel that I am more then capable of completing the nursing degree and becoming a nurse. I have to think of the practicalities, the loan would be enough to cover costs plus rent money, but I am a way out from the University, but there is regular buses there and people do regularly commute to the place where it is located. 

Because I have been all over the place with the lodger here I have actually missed some meds over the last month which probably didn't help me much, sorry about the erratic posts! On that note I have just set up an alarm for 9pm every day to make sure I am taking my meds, I will keep it on now, as I do find when I am medicated I am little better at life 😉. Also the hot weather messes with my meds which also won't help me much. Feeling much better today, alarm set should be good to go, now!

Today I have ordered through wowcher a £7.00 photoshoot for my profile picture on the author page on Amazon it takes place on Thursday, also I have had a eye brow shape (I found a good place for it this time) and bought a few nice make up items after a make over today. I had a little buffer money which I probably should not have spent however, I am trying to move things along in Amazon, next I want to complete a campaign or ads for the new book.

CrazyBee787

P.S I just want to add that the ad I originally set up in Amazon has failed, so I need to work on this a bit more hence that is what I am doing next, in case you thought I had already done this. Honestly you need a degree to run a campaign!

CrazyBee787

Wowser, MD was right to ask Mrs X for a reference, she did a smashing one, she showed me what she wrote, it was lovely. As for Getting a place I may have to approach the Uni tomorrow for clearing. I am still up in the air about it, I am not excited about it or as keen to go as I was when I first started out back 10-15 years ago!. However what I am keen about is studying and meeting some students and attending class so perhaps that is enough to get me through. I think I need a career that is steady with longevity, somewhere where I am needed. So I know it is the right move I just wish I could be a little more keen. Perhaps that is where I have aged, I know I would rather do a remote position in accounts but after 6 months and the turbulent last few years I feel that I am not meant for accounting, even though I enjoy the work. Actually Mrs. X thought that it would be a good career move too. There is an undertone in accounts that I cannot get to grips with, so maybe it is not the right move for me. I think I have a bit of baggage also, which comes through in employment and in particular a desk job, like many people hate me, I don't really appreciate what everything is about - perhaps it is more the mental illness.

Have a good evening allXX

Chieveley

I understand the "undertone"in accounts. As the new person there was always expectation and curiosity. Once the next new team member joined then attention switched to them. Have you checked the nursing salary meets your expectations? If you were my daughter I would council on sticking with what you know, accounts. As beanielou suggested doing voluntary work might be a good idea. You drive, is there a local cancer group looking for drivers? They reimburse petrol.  Have you a local volunteer centre? Our local one is great (might be prejudiced I volunteered with them after I retired) They matched you with roles to suit your skills. I did book-keeping and went to the stroke club to collect the lunch money. 
Sleep on any decision about being a mature student. You need to look for people of a similar age.

CrazyBee787

Chieveley said:

I understand the "undertone"in accounts. As the new person there was always expectation and curiosity. Once the next new team member joined then attention switched to them. Have you checked the nursing salary meets your expectations? If you were my daughter I would council on sticking with what you know, accounts. As beanielou suggested doing voluntary work might be a good idea. You drive, is there a local cancer group looking for drivers? They reimburse petrol.  Have you a local volunteer centre? Our local one is great (might be prejudiced I volunteered with them after I retired) They matched you with roles to suit your skills. I did book-keeping and went to the stroke club to collect the lunch money. 
Sleep on any decision about being a mature student. You need to look for people of a similar age.

Thank you @Chieveley I do appreciate your words a lot. I did check the nursing salary looks to be at least £30KPA, however I can earn that or close to that now if I were to get a job. The thing about going to University was that if I go I may get regular employment, whereas in finance it has been patchy. But tbh I would rather a role in accounts. But I am unsuccessful at finding anything local. So I am in two minds about it. I could move with the job, but i'll never get a place where I am again and it may not work out and my mum is here. I could keep persevering and try to find a job or I could do something else with my life? 

Farmers-wife_2

Have you thought about care work? There always appears to be lots of opportunities and if you find it is your calling, you could then look into the nursing degree. 

dawnybabes

Don’t forget you will probably have a student loan payment to come out of that salary as well.  I’d def try some care work now to see if that’s what you like doing, it’s a big commitment if it isn’t.