CrazyBee wants to be Mortgage Free!

CrazyBee787

I am on £0/£730 which is 0% utilised, I am on 0/12 No spend days not including today, however I am expecting today to spend some of that £30 cash I have at the Craft fair so will remain on 0/12. My EF is £3100/£3500 which is 88% of the way until goal. My Mortgage is: Starting point (04/2017) £58738.00/ Currently £47019.02 drop of £11718.98 which is 19% gone! Now that I have had one tax break I am expecting another next month, and next month alone. I am still considering making the IMAC purchase as I have left it in the basket and the price has gone down again. I like everything about it. And I could afford this next month, however I don't need it just yet, really I need to make OPs especially if the job is in jeopardy so that the mortgage is in a better place. So that is what I will do. The EF I should get that sorted next month £400 needed and I am expecting another £1100 or so let me calculate...yes £1100 - £400 = £700 to put as an OP That is the aim. Have a good weekend allXX

MFWannabe

Crazybee 
You NEED the job 
You cannot live without paid employment; this became very obvious when you were out of work for so long. Remember the debt you were in?! 

What do you mean by ‘micro managed?’ Everyone who works for an employer is managed in some way. Unless you are self employed and you’ve admitted yourself you couldn’t make that work 
You need to concentrate on the positives, look how much you e achieved in a couple of months 
Do you think the real issue is your lack of interests etc outside of work?

CrazyBee787

MFWannabe said:

Crazybee 
You NEED the job 
You cannot live without paid employment; this became very obvious when you were out of work for so long. Remember the debt you were in?! 

What do you mean by ‘micro managed?’ Everyone who works for an employer is managed in some way. Unless you are self employed and you’ve admitted yourself you couldn’t make that work 
You need to concentrate on the positives, look how much you e achieved in a couple of months 
Do you think the real issue is your lack of interests etc outside of work?

Micro managed is someone who tells a person how and what to do in every detail you have no autonomy you feel like you are simple and have no brains! It feels like a mental break down if I am honest, I simply cannot work like that. I am not designed that way, maybe when I first started even then I didn't like it, but I put up with it for a while. But now I know myself better I don't do it, because I know I don't work well in that environment. Anyhow there is no need for it, the books have never looked so good while I have been there, and it is more how you would treat someone just starting out - even then I don't think it is good. 

I do want a job but I need to be able to do it without interference I take on board everything she says and I am learning and improving but the start of micro management was not well intentioned, in fact it was a bit ShiXXy!

CrazyBee787

Today has been good I have stuck to budget only £30 spent I bought Entrance £2.50, Marc de Champagne handmade truffles £7.50, Key rack £15.00 and raffle book £5.00 Total £30.00. Here is the key rack: -




We went for lunch after and MD paid for lunch we had burger and chips it was very good. I do feel tired on my feet though, I am hoping for an energy boost before the end of the day to do the housework - it has not happened yet. However I feel I should do a list and push myself to do something: -

1) put washing away

2) change bed linen

3) put wash on

4) hoover

5) clean bathroom.

6) Clean skirting in hall.

7) Read, relax and enjoy the evening.

sometime later... I haven't done much I feel like I need to rest after todays activities but I thought I would share that I have been told that I won a raffle prize, I just got the call thinking it was the man come to do some work for me, but it was a prize - a chocolate lovers hamper? Curious I am not sure what will be in it, but I am quietly looking forward to getting my hands on it!! The lady was so nice she said she would drop it off during the week what a lovely end to the day.XX.

CrazyBee787

I am on £625.95/£730 which is 14% utilised, I am on 0/12 No spend days not including today.  My EF is £3100/£3500 which is 88% of the way until goal. My Mortgage is: Starting point (04/2017) £58738.00/ Currently £47019.02 drop of £11718.98 which is 19% gone! Now that I have had one tax break I am now not expecting another. The EF I should get that sorted next month £400 needed and I am expecting £800 so that will be a £400 OP potentially we shall see? 

CrazyBee787

No Lodger now and no job now, things are not going my way, plus when I treated myself to a bacon bun the price has doubled since last time, I feel like the world is not on my side right now, in fact the bakery is defo not on my side, nor the lodger who I thought we were getting along together and same with work colleague. Life is very strange. However the lodger did say he wanted stability and my letter before that I sent meant that he didn't feel stable, I thought I had made things right, but obviosuly it would never be right after asking him to leave. Then there is the work, she has this very strong opinion about people interupting you, and unfortunately I can interrupt people which I apologise for because I am quite excitable hence the reason why she acted it out, however I would have rather she had said look it is a real problem for me rather then make my life a living knightmare. Or at least talk about it and work something out. Maybe these are all my fault and maybe it is Karma. But I do feel that it is unfairly against me, you be the judge.

I have applied and got interviews and turned them down, because they are not right, but it just goes to show there are jobs out there. So not out of hope yet and luckily I still have that EF to fall back on which is going to be very helpful right now, although I am hoping I can get a lodger and not need the EF too much. I am on shakey ground right now and I am not being guided to any job, although I can work to a very good level, I am not rewarded with a job with longevity, I need a safe and positive place to work, plus ideally hybrid plus close to home plus parking, plus 25 days holiday, plus full time & perm, I guess I have a big wish list!!

beanielou

I think your wish list is unrealistic. Oops to the lodger but unfortunately you did not make him feel stable and welcome. 

No idea what to suggest now. 

CrazyBee787

beanielou said:

I think your wish list is unrealistic. Oops to the lodger but unfortunately you did not make him feel stable and welcome. 

No idea what to suggest now. 

My wish list is very much not unrealistic, most accounts jobs have those as part of them, and as to making my lodger feel unwelcome it was him who said he was in debt and wanted to raise new credit at my address so having a knee jerk reaction was likely to happen, you said yourself you would do the same (as in you wouldn't like someone other then your son to have credit out at your address). As for not making him feel welcome that is not true I have bought him a chocolate advent calendar and take out, I have welcomed his girlfriend and and I am chatty with him, so I don't know where you got that from. You could just say the right job is out there just keep persevering but maybe you don't think it is true. I am sorry but I do not want to work in an unhospitable environment, if you do feel free!!

CrazyBee787

I have been reflecting this afternoon, I wrote down all the reasons for leaving a job or when a job came to an end and I found that ever since I walked out on one job it is all I ever do, it is the last four jobs (except one where I was made redundant). When ever something happens I leave and don't try and make things better for myself, I just don't think it will work and throw in the towel. I have reflected on all jobs, I come across a little impulsive so now I think maybe I have ADHD I have read the symptoms and I could have it something is not working well for me. I have also reflected that I walked out on one job some time ago and I felt there and then that I could have tried to turn it around but in haste walked out and since then it has plagued me coupled with bad experiences it does not make for longevity on the CV which is what my ultimate goal is.

I know I couldn't have stayed in the role just gone, but could I have tried a bit harder, maybe. But I did think she didn't want me there and I have been told that before by someone, someone directly told me they wouldn't work with me again. what am I doing wrong? I really can't explain it it is like I am missing social cues which is getting me in a pickle a sign I have ADHD. I also wrote down all the reasons I may have ADHD, and I have an appointment to show the consultant my work pattern and the reasons I think I have it to see if she/ he agrees.

Also today I have gone back to the original person I walked out on and asked if they would take me back on minimum wage there has been an indication they would re-consider employing me again, which I cannot fathom why. And now I feel uncomfortable waiting to find out if they will, I will worry that they will take me back and perhaps there is ungenuine reasons to I am kind of hoping they say they couldn't run the risk of me walking out again that would be a normal response. I worry that the man fancies me in a romantic way, which I hope not as I would feel very uncomfortable and it would not sit well with me, but now I am thinking that is what it is and I am scared, I think I will turn it down if he does offer it to me...god I am a law unto myself! I feel very uncomfortable now!

Sometime later... I couldn't back out from the recruiter I have let the recruiter approach the ex employer, I will give it a chance should the opportunity present itself. Fingers crossedXX

dreaming

@CrazyBee787, I hope you don't mind me butting in - I have been reading along for a couple of weeks (and read a bit of earlier posts) and want to say that I think you may be right about having ADHD, or being on the autistic spectrum (or both). You seem very similar to my daughter who was diagnosed last year (she's in her forties) as being on the spectrum, with a suggestion of ADHD tendencies, after realising that she was just repeating a pattern of getting a job but then struggling with workplace relationship/heirarchy. She is actually highly qualified in her profession, extremely intelligent (which helped mask the autism), and always gives her all to her job (in fact often taking on too much). She also has difficulties socialising outside of work but luckily has a small group of friends who accept her not doing small talk, or not responding to messages quickly. She also finds noise overwhelming so office "chatter", even if she is not participating, is very distracting for her. As I said, she realised last year that she is repeating the same patterns and began to think that maybe it wasn't "them" (managers and colleagues) but her response to seemingly normal workplace behaviours. She underwent testing (in which I participated in one session to give some insight into her childhood etc.) and the diagnosis was made - which was partly a relief to her but also quite scary as she now has to negotiate this knowledge and find a way to live in a neurotypical world whilst still being true to herself (and earning enough to pay her mortgage and bills etc.). She lives alone (says she couldn't contemplate having another person in her home). It has been difficult as her current workplace, despite knowing of her diagnosis, don't seem able or willing to make adjustments to assist her despite occupational health input. The diagnosis has also explained some of her behaviours over the years - apart from her job, she also moved rental properties seemingly on a whim, had short-lived but intense interests. and got into quite serious debt which she paid off by working a second job at weekends for a year or two. She also realised Before the diagnosis) that she only felt able to fit in with social groups after a few drinks but it was impacting her life too much and completely gave that up a few years ago. She has also, in the last couple of years, discovered the "joys" of budgetting (after many years of me trying to drum it into her) and she is just as passionate about that now as she was about being so impulsive about her spending for many years. I want to stress that I am not diagnosing you on the basis of your posts but there are striking similarities. If you look into it further please get proper assistance (although I know waiting lists are long) - don't just go onto one of the many sites that promise results, as some jusr seem to want to sell you further coaching etc. Take some time to reflect on things (I know you are a writer so write things down and look at it again in a few days) and I hope you will gain some clarity. Whatever, I wish you the best.