I gave my mum a present to take to my aunt, as she was seeing her before Christmas and I wasn't. But instead of giving my gift, she bought a different one without consulting me and gave it to my aunt on my behalf. I'm upset as she obviously thought my gift was inadequate or unsuitable. Mum returned the original gift to me and wants me to reimburse her for the new one, which was of roughly equal value. Should I take it on the chin and pay her back, or hold off and tell her how I feel?
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Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay Mum back after she replaced my gift to my aunt without asking me?

MSE_Laura_F
Posts: 1,610 MSE Staff

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Comments
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Of course you don't. It was her decision and nothing to do with you. You bought a gift if she didn't want to give it that's on her12
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I wouldn’t reimburse her, she chose to purchase a new gift, so she should pay for it, I would be really cross if this had happened to me. In future I would post the gift if you are not going to see your Aunt so that your Mum can’t do this again.
You could also post her your gift this time as well, tell her there has been a mix up, and this is her gift from you.10 -
Was it wrapped?!?
How did mum otherwise know what it was!
I'd tell Mum "no sorry, I'm not going to refund you, it was your choice to buy a different gift" and at the same time post YOUR gift to Aunt, if practical.
I'm constantly amazed how families get annoyed with each other, when the issue was of their own making. Mum didn't need to create the problem, so has no right to be upset with you say no!.
She probably will though. ☹️How's it going, AKA, Nutwatch? - 12 month spends to date = 2.56% of current retirement "pot" (as at end January 2025)4 -
Don't refund your mum, it was her decision and a pretty rude one at that.
Re-wrap the present that was for your aunt and give it to your mum for Christmas.
Maybe that will teach her some manners.16 -
Yes. Reimburse mom. And then give her the unsuitable present as her only Christmas gift.I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Debt Free Wannabe and Old Style Money Saving boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.
"Never retract, never explain, never apologise; get things done and let them howl.” Nellie McClung16 -
Absolutely not. Outrageous behaviour by your mum!5
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Of course you should not pay your Mum back. And she shouldn't have done what she did, the choice of present was yours and she shouldn't have interfered. If she hasn't already, ask her to give you back the present you bought as it's rightfully yours, and then tell her you're not paying her back. I would suggest maybe giving your aunt her present in person in future to avoid any more unpleasantness.1
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So you bought a gift which wasn't given. Somebody thought the gift was inadequate.... guessing your mum. She then gave a gift which she.... guessing your mum... thought was better and now wants to be paid for it.....if I put down in words what I think....
A) it is against mse policy for two reasons... 1. Waste of money on Christmas presents and 2. Swear wordstell your mum to get a life
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Unless you had bought something like knitting needles when her arthritis had become so bad she could no longer knit or some similar sort of thing. Otherwise absolutely not.
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No, you should certainly not reimburse your mother! What an absolute cheek she has to even consider asking you for the money for something she has taken upon herself to buy on your behalf without your permission. I do sympathise with you as I too had a very controlling mother!2
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