Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay Mum back after she replaced my gift to my aunt without asking me?

grassmarket

To me this seems a ridiculous situation, so I’ll give a ridiculous answer: refuse to pay & shun your Mum indefinitely. 

Assuming you don’t want to do this because it’s childish - then attempt to have an adult conversation about it with your (apparently controlling) mother. But still refuse to pay. You say the gifts were of roughly equal value - so it’s not a money thing. But she clearly felt it was inadequate in some other way. And she didn’t just do it quietly - she’s rubbed your nose in it. Address all that, if you can! 

Pollycat

Why did your Mum buy another gift?
What did she say when you asked her why she did that? Why she obviously thought your gift wasn't suitable?
You did ask her why...didn't you?

Why on earth would you pay your Mum back for a present she bought when you had already bought what you presumably thought was a suitable gift for your Aunt?

As for paying her back...tell her to jog on.
And to mind her own business in future.
She has been shockingly rude and intrusive.

Emerion

justybaby said:

Whatever the irritation as long as it doesn’t leave your Mum struggling for money. Also depends on how old she is and whether the feedback would land well with her. 

I don’t think her mother’s is age is an excuse, unless she is becoming confused, which I think the OP would have mentioned. There is certainly no need for shouting, but parents need to understand that they can’t go on treating their adult children as 5 year olds. The OP’s mother has behaved as if she was dealing with a toddler who proposed giving a squashed frog to her aunt as a present. 

squirrel59

I know she's your Mum and so I don't want to be rude, but what on earth was she thinking?? Of course you're not reimbursing her. The thought alone!

Ed264

I've only read the first page of contributions and agree that you should tell your mother what you think and don't reimburse her. It's outrageous behaviour on her part.

Lanny11

Your mother is completely out of order. I love the idea of rewrapping the present and giving it to your mum, but seriously I think you should send it to your aunt. You chose it for her so give it to her. Whether you tell her about your mother’s controlling behaviour is up to you. The chances are that it wouldn’t be news to her anyway.

cherry.c

gloriouslyhappy said:

ripongrammargirl said:

Absolutely NO to paying your mum for a present she swapped for something she approved of! What a nerve.
Gifts are so difficult. My sister bought me some hand creams for Christmas last year which were no good due a skin condition, of which she knew about (she has always been difficult) so as it was a gift receipt I took it back to the shop (“not just any shop”… you get the idea?) to exchange it for suitable goods. However, not known to me (and probably many of their customers) they decided it is their policy to inform the buyer that the gift was exchanged (just unbelievable) and this has now resulted in her completely ignoring me from that day when she sent a very curt and hurtful text (I could die tomorrow and she wouldn’t care, not informed of anything happening in her life etc). When we complained to the store they literally didn’t care that this family breakdown had occurred as it was “their policy”, so on the basis of my horrid experience I would say always be careful of what you buy, whom you buy for and where you buy if you still want relatives to speak to you. It’s just shocking what some retailers do and your mum sounds like she is making up her own rules, just like this awful shop that I will never visit again. 

Best just not to buy. A visit is probably worth more to older relatives anyway or just make up an “essentials” box of stuff like toiletries, canned goods etc that you know will be used. This is what I do now so nobody can complain. 

I had no idea some shops inform the purchaser an exchange had been made! I am shocked. 

If something is bought online it would obviously show online against the original order that the item has been refunded.

Granny_P

This something I wouldn't do at all but if I, as a Mum, had considered a gift to my sister unsuitable and bought another one, I wouldn't expect to be paid for it.  Your Mum was wrong to change the gift and certainly wrong to expect you to pay for it.  Having said that, consider how this situation might change your relationship with your Mum and do what's right for you.

SWGranny

It was wrong of your Mum to change your gift to your Aunt without consulting you.  It is the thought that counts, not the quality or quantity of the gift.  You had already bought your Aunt a gift so you shouldn't have to pay your Mum for another one, especially when you didn't ask or didn't know that your gift was being replaced.

Rosette2018

Hi have you asked your Mum why she did this? She maybe unaware that she has offended you.  If she has a plausible answer, like the knitting needles and arthritis above, then maybe ask her to talk to you next time so that you can choose the gift for your Aunt. With regards to reimbursement I would say no, as everyone else has said, Mum chose to do what she did without consulting you.