Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay Mum back after she replaced my gift to my aunt without asking me?

elsien

badmemory said:

Unless you had bought something like knitting needles when her arthritis had become so bad she could no longer knit or some similar sort of thing.  Otherwise absolutely not.

In which case, Mum says “Are you sure about this, because….”
Not just unilaterally replacing it. 

fay68

I think you need to make your Mum aware of how this has made you feel. Has she given you a reason for doing it? She made the decision to replace the gift without asking you so it’s on her to pay for it. 

SStitanic

What did you buy your aunt, how unsuitable was it, we need details to give advice.

Satman

I would tell your Mother to stop being so rude and controlling - and tell her that I am not going to give her  money, for something that she bought, ( without my permission ) I have already paid for the present that you have returned, now I have to pay to post it ! Please stop sticking your nose into places where it is not wanted. I would then tell my Aunt that the present she has received was nothing to do with me - and my present is in the post… I am sorry you never got it for Xmas, for that, blame your sister !

EXSUDBURY

A lot depends on your usual relationship with your Mum. If it is usually good, I would, but otherwise, definitely NO

primrose_penguin

I agree with others, as a Mum myself this sort of behaviour is unacceptable, I am sure your Aunt would also probably be upset at your Mum replacing the gift you had bought for her. If your Mother knew what you had bought and felt it was unsuitable for some reason, then she should have spoken to you first and suggested that perhaps you could exchange it for something else. I would definitely not pay her for the gift she purchased herself, perhaps it will teach her a lesson, and hopefully when she has thought about it she will apologise to you, and please don't feel guilty about not reimbursing her she does not deserve it.

ripongrammargirl

Absolutely NO to paying your mum for a present she swapped for something she approved of! What a nerve.
Gifts are so difficult. My sister bought me some hand creams for Christmas last year which were no good due a skin condition, of which she knew about (she has always been difficult) so as it was a gift receipt I took it back to the shop (“not just any shop”… you get the idea?) to exchange it for suitable goods. However, not known to me (and probably many of their customers) they decided it is their policy to inform the buyer that the gift was exchanged (just unbelievable) and this has now resulted in her completely ignoring me from that day when she sent a very curt and hurtful text (I could die tomorrow and she wouldn’t care, not informed of anything happening in her life etc). When we complained to the store they literally didn’t care that this family breakdown had occurred as it was “their policy”, so on the basis of my horrid experience I would say always be careful of what you buy, whom you buy for and where you buy if you still want relatives to speak to you. It’s just shocking what some retailers do and your mum sounds like she is making up her own rules, just like this awful shop that I will never visit again. 

Best just not to buy. A visit is probably worth more to older relatives anyway or just make up an “essentials” box of stuff like toiletries, canned goods etc that you know will be used. This is what I do now so nobody can complain. 

flowerystripes

Outrageous behaviour from your mum.  Unless it was a present that could have caused your aunt to be upset she had no right to change it. I certainly wouldn’t pay her for it. She sounds manipulative and controlling but maybe there are circumstances we can’t understand from your letter - but otherwise out of order. 

SweatA1Z

That was a horrible thing to do and the first step is finding out exactly why she did it. The answer to that will determine if you should pay her for the gift she bought, and then, whatever her reason was, she needs to know how much it has upset you.

gothvixen

I had a mother who thought everything I did was wrong, and I have numerous psychological issues because of her. Don't reimburse her, and tell her why.