Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay Mum back after she replaced my gift to my aunt without asking me?

CapricornLass

I agree with Ripongrammargirl.  Your mum really had no right to do what she did, and no she doesn't deserve to have the money refunded to her.  BUT you have to balance that against any potential family falling outs, and that's a question only you can answer, as so much depends on the sort of relationship you have with your mum.

Older relatives would probably appreciate your time ( and not just for Christmas!) over a gift.  Calling in to see your aunt a couple of times a year, or perhaps a trip out, especially if your aunt finds this difficult?  It doesn't have to be  super expensive.  A cuppa and a chat in a good local cafe/garden centre always went down well with my nan and my mother, expecially when they became less mobile.

justybaby

Whatever the irritation as long as it doesn’t leave your Mum struggling for money. Also depends on how old she is and whether the feedback would land well with her. 

Southendormargate

Do you really need to ask?

bikaga

No, that was her choice. 

mopearce

No refund for your mum. She should have given the present in accordance with your wishes. I would also ask why she thought it was ok to do that?

Hels1955

Is it possible that your mum simply forgot to take your present with her when she visited your aunt, and that was why she bought something else, which she thought might be suitable to give to her instead? Your mum probably had no idea what your original present was, and gave it back to you to see if you could return it for a refund. You would then be able to reimburse her for the present she had got “from” you to give to your aunt. It was probably all done with the best of intentions.

IvonH

Well, on the face of it, your mother behaved in a very high-handed and arrogant manner and therefore, you should not reimburse her and tell her that you are upset about what she did.
I do wonder, though, why she did this.  Is it out of character for her to be so ignorant?  Or did she know something about your aunt's preferences / likes and dislikes / what your aunt already has / etc. which made her realise that your gift was not suitable?  Even so, she should have consulted you, but if you generally have an open and loving relationship with your mum, talk to her and then decide what to do.  

gloriouslyhappy

ripongrammargirl said:

Absolutely NO to paying your mum for a present she swapped for something she approved of! What a nerve.
Gifts are so difficult. My sister bought me some hand creams for Christmas last year which were no good due a skin condition, of which she knew about (she has always been difficult) so as it was a gift receipt I took it back to the shop (“not just any shop”… you get the idea?) to exchange it for suitable goods. However, not known to me (and probably many of their customers) they decided it is their policy to inform the buyer that the gift was exchanged (just unbelievable) and this has now resulted in her completely ignoring me from that day when she sent a very curt and hurtful text (I could die tomorrow and she wouldn’t care, not informed of anything happening in her life etc). When we complained to the store they literally didn’t care that this family breakdown had occurred as it was “their policy”, so on the basis of my horrid experience I would say always be careful of what you buy, whom you buy for and where you buy if you still want relatives to speak to you. It’s just shocking what some retailers do and your mum sounds like she is making up her own rules, just like this awful shop that I will never visit again. 

Best just not to buy. A visit is probably worth more to older relatives anyway or just make up an “essentials” box of stuff like toiletries, canned goods etc that you know will be used. This is what I do now so nobody can complain. 

I had no idea some shops inform the purchaser an exchange had been made! I am shocked. 

fabulous_at_any_age

Absolutely not. I would give the original gift to your aunt when you can and say the other gift was from your mum. As for your mum she is out of pocket. That is the cost for her interference. Her own fault. Is she a control freak? Why would she even ask for you to give her the money she chose to spend?

Millynaire

No, it was her choice to change the present.