Money Moral Dilemma: Would I be stealing my brother's inheritance by caring for our mum?

spyros_455

Sounds completely fair to me. Your mum is due to receive care for the rest of her life + you have to give up your job. Seems like a perfectly good deal from both your mum's side and your side.

As others have said the inheritance doesn't count until your mum passes away. Further, it's very normal for people to spend a large amount of their wealth on care. So the deal seems perfectly reasonable.

Some things to consider: If the brother doesn't like it, does anyone have any better alternatives without inconveniencing the "carer" or your mum more? Would your brother be able to be the carer instead and go for this deal instead of you?

prettyandfluffy

When we had this discussion about buying a house with a Granny annexe for my MIL, we decided that in order to avoid this kind of problem we would buy outright and she would pay us rent.  Then the property would not complicate inheritance issues.

LAMBS60

Surely this has got to be a family meeting around
 the table , and various scenarios discussed. You end up with a bigger house and your brother ends up with half of what’s left ? How much will your house be worth against what is left for your brother ? If your mum has to go into a care home ( not your plan of course) , who will pay ? So many what ifs . My friend’s mum sold up and moved in with her and her family . Mum’s money allowed than to buy a bigger house and to have the garage turned into a beautiful lounge and to have an en-suite added to one of the bedrooms . She didn’t have to go into care , but died in hospital after a short illness . My friend’s brother had been left half of everything in their Mum’s will . So , my friend and her husband had to sell up so that her brother got his share . They have not fallen out over it but that could have happened. Your mum is going to state in her will that you won’t have to sell up when she dies ,but who will lose out if she needs extra care ? Definitely a family meeting with no secrets .

roubiliac

Sounds like you are manipulating the situation to your advantage

Siouxy

If you feel that guilty, give him all her other assets instead of half. I’m looking after my mum but I live in the same place and have carers in. Mums aunt sold her house and gave one of her daughters the money to have her house adapted to look after her, this has caused a huge rift between the family, especially as there was no money left at the end

Andrea9876

There is no inheritance only your mum.'s personal finances and assets and she is entitled to do whatever she likes with it

Archiejuly

Just another thought if you do what you say you are going to do you also would not be able to sell the house unless you payed inheritance tax. So it would go to the government rather than your brother. 

Gosportmum

You need to take legal advice.
Will your Mum own part of your new/ joint house? If she ends up going into care then the LA might have a financial claim on her share. If it's not in joint names, has she gifted it to you, will she survive the 7 year rule, will the tax man might start asking you questions?  I would include your brother in decisions now, rather than potential expensive and unnecessary arguments after her death. Make sure she rewrites her will and sort POA if she hasn't got one.
Being a full time carer is knackering - be aware!

lostboy2010

I would definitely have a family discussion with your mum and your brother to iron out the best way forward. If everyone is up front from the beginning there’s less chance of problems later down the line 

Dinky60lon

Its goes without saying that your mums wealth, saving etc is hers do with it as she pleases.
Sitting down with your mother to discuss options and allowing your brother to be part of that is key at such an early stage.  
Family members donot always agree, but working with whats best for your mum is first and foremost. 
There are many ways to allow your mum to live independently and share her care, if possible. 
Taking full-time care of parents is no easy task. I helped care full-time for both my parents but without the help of all my siblings,  it would not have been possible.
 
We do not know what tomorrow brings so plan your mothers care based on today and adjust those plans depending on her changing health and what she wants.
Putting the right things in place like LPA ( Lasting Power of Attorney) a Will can help ease what happens before and after she has died.
If any inheritance is left it can be shared equally.