Money Moral Dilemma: Should my friends gift my only child more money since they each have two kids?

Pollycat

There's nothing worse than giving a gift begrudgingly.

And the originator of this MMD clearly begrudges the £300 spent on their friends' children when their child only gets £150 back.

alri08

How old are the children? What do they know about ISAs? In all likelihood, the cash will mean nothing to them and the children will think they have received no gift from you.

I agree with pp, spend the money doing something fun together with all the kids. That's surely more Christmassy.

silvercar

Sometimes you just go along worth barmy ideas to keep the peace/ keep support and friendship groups going. That is what you need to consider - whether it is worth paying just to keep the group together, the support may be worth more than the value of the present. Whatever you pay, I can guarantee that the cost of bringing up 2 children is greater than 1, so you are quids in from the start.

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Had similar with class birthday presents. There was a standard amount everyone spent, but then along came twins with a joint birthday party. Mass breakout on whether as our singleton kids had X spent on them "in return" for our kids going to one party, so should we be spending half X on each twin in return or the full amount. Especially as the twins parents had requested no joint presents as each twin wanted their own.

tayknthyme

Get out of this agreement now. Put money into an ISA for your own child. OR...if you don't like that idea get upstairs with hubby/boyfriend and even things up :-)

Hyacinth21

How boring for the children. This is just a game to satisfy adults

sjaeagle5

Am I reading this correctly?
Every other couple is shelling out £270 (for 9 children) and receiving £300 split between their own 2 children.
I don't see a problem, seeing as every couple is spending £270 and you are spending £300, unless the other couples are using it as a (deliberate) winner (at your expense) as they get £300 for a £270 investment.

Golden_oldie81

Obviously you have agreed as a group that each child will receive £30 from each of five sets of friends.If your child receives £60 as you are suggesting they will have twice as much as each of the other children. This is grossly unfair on the others as each child should be receiving the same. If you continue this for say five years your child will have £1500 and the other children £750 which cannot be morally right. 

jedav

Quote: "we've agreed".  Did you expect your child to get two physical presents from each family, or did you give each family's children lesser-value presents to equate the value of both of their children's gifts to your one's?

If you're going to make it an equal value thing should this be per child or per family - neither is right or wrong?

If you're exchanging money to be saved, or trying to equate costs, what's the point?  Each family could finance their own child's savings.

Younger children like things, older children prefer the money to choose what to spend it on.

My take is that I don't have any children and I give to friends' children as I see them as part of the friendship.  I instigate a rule of gifts for children only as it gets silly and expensive otherwise and you end up with lots of unnecessary stuff.  But I can afford to do that.  With childless friends I don't obsess with cost, only with appropriateness to that person.  Essentially I pass on to the next generation, none of whom I have produced, but who will be financing my pension.

SiCoops

The position you are in is perfectly understandable. However, do you base friendships on the monetary value or the cost to you? Is your child 'worth' double theirs? The gift giving ought to be an outward act, we give because giving is a good thing to do, if we give to receive then we are only giving on the basis of what we get out of it. If that is the measure you are using to work out your giving, the correct metric would be; I give £ to their children and I get back quality friendship from the parents, and I help the kids with their investment. 
I hope you find that helpful, we have 3 kids and they all have friends who we like to be able to gift things on their birthdays etc. 

Daffypops

Where's the Christmas spirit and the joy of giving in this?
If you don't want toys or anything else, children often have more than they need, I get that, why not arrange an afternoon out together and put the money towards having a lovely time and making memories.