Money Moral Dilemma: Should my friends gift my only child more money since they each have two kids?

Rd1994

What kind of friendship group sets a gift budget? Shouldn’t it just be give a gift of what you would like to / can afford. Also strange way to think of giving a gift of what you will receive in return. 

archie1411

A version of this has affected us our whole lives. We've no children, sister-in-law has one. We have to buy 3 gifts to their two. Easiest answer - stop gift giving

Gez111

All keep you money and think about these 'friendships' .  Just wow.

Davecu

Surely this isn’t a real question. 

Dizzycap

This isn't 'gifiting', this is swapping the one great idea and point of Christmas to children, a physical gift, for money that gives them absolutely no joy on Christmas morning!

Just dump the whole idea of giving anything to these group of 'friends' children and buy your own child something memorable, it doesn't have to be expensive, and then stick a few bob into their own ISA

I'd then, with my child, bake up some homemade Christmas cookies and give a bag of those to your 'friends' children - take it or leave it, and who cares what they think!

Angelica123

What happens when you are the childfree person buying for nieces/nephews/friends' kids. Stop giving out gifts because you won't get the same value in return? 

I think it sounds like a silly idea tbh. If you think that kids will end up with too much tat (which is a fair reason not to exchange gifts especially if they are young) then why not agree that every household make a small donation to a charity instead or agree to put the amount you would have spent on each other's kids in one's own kids Junior ISA (that way parents can decide their own budget). Alternatively, you could do a secret Santa.

Jason9091

Before you make any new friends, ask how many children they have in case the answer is 3 or more.

Joley77

MSE_Laura_F said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My five friends and I are all parents and we get each other's children Christmas gifts. This year we've agreed not to buy toys, but to give each child £30 for their junior ISAs instead. I have one child, while my five friends each have two - if we go through with this, I'll be spending £300 on their children while our household will only get £150 from them. Should I ask my friends to each give my child £60?

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Mum_of_two said:

Give the same amount to each household.  

If you think it’s unfair make a suggestion that you all stop now and explain your reasoning, if they are true friends they should understand and accept it and if they don’t then just put the money into your child’s account and don’t worry about it. 

ggloria007

I hear you and empathise with you. I am fed up with those judging you here... There are always people who get slightly better off in small situation like yours and they may consciously or unconsciously ignore the inequalities in group setting. I used to have a similar situation: we always shared dinner bill among 5 of us equally while some were ordering more expensive food. Those ordering more expensive food were those who were earning 3x more than I did and those were the first to suggest that we all share the bill in equal parts. Oh those were also deciding the tip as well.. if I was to say something I would be the odd and stingy, so I started to eat at home and didnt need to have a full meal... I would have only drinks... few months later another lady started to have drinks only... so, this tells me she might have felt the same...  btw this group of friends does not exist anymore... surprise surprise  So before I suggest one or the other answer in your dilemma I would be interested to learn if there is anything else going on in your group of friends. Group dynamics are extremely complex.... Are there any other dynamics which you might resent some friends somehow. Do you feel like you have been hard done in this group or life in general? I believe it is not only about the money ... 

jacquifef

Why don’t you do something fun as friends instead? We’ve done that - stop gift-giving and instead go on a trip out together. A theme park for example may be around that cost per person, or you could do a smaller trip out. Kids have tons of stuff (and don’t care for future money). What they are desperate for is time with their loved ones. You could suggest you each buy your own family’s tickets, since that would be the easiest thing once you get to the entrance, and that way you don’t feel like you’ve been cheated due to having fewer children. I do understand though - we only had one child for a long time despite wanting more. I would book a trip for some time in 2025 since it’s busy around Christmas, and gives the kids something to look forward to. Our nephews were so excited when we met up in February half term for our day together last year!