Money Moral Dilemma: Should my friends gift my only child more money since they each have two kids?

GemEden

No. The gift is for the children, so it would be unfair on the other children for one to get more than the others. 

elsien

I'm now getting a bit irritated by the people saying "I only have one child but my brother has four, so it's not fair."

People need to get a grip. I don't have any children, I have 5 nieces and nephews. I buy them gifts because I want to, because they are valued members of my family and I want to be involved in their lives. If I can only afford a token present that's what they get. I really don't care what I get back or whether I am spending more than my brother spends on me. If I can't afford it then I spend less.

It really is that easy. 

Pickles53

We have gradually reduced/eliminated the amount of gift giving for both friends, friends’ children and within the family. We’re all a lot less stressed and we spend the money on enjoying each others’ company instead (having a day out or a theatre visit ). We all pay our own way. 

Even for our grandchildren we don’t make a big deal of birthdays/Christmas. Just small gifts on the day and we’ll treat them during the year when there’s some they actually need - usually new sports kit. 

yp70479

Before the swapping money idea did you expect your friends to give your child double the amount of presents - two toys instead of one. No? Thought not!! Stupid question!! Do a £5 or 10 Secret Santa so the kids have something to open on the big day and forget the money exchange

SWGranny

I think the best solution would be to agree to not buy one another's children Christmas presents.  I'm sure they will get enough from family.   If the children are young they are not going to know the benefits of a £30 amount into an ISA anyway.  Just top up your child's ISA yourself.

cassie75

I am with kimwp. I spoke to my daughter about this and she said "money is not a present". I think a get together that you all put in a set amount (on income or number of kids or number of adults attending- that should be discussed) is a great idea and the kids will love that more than a small amount in an account they can't access yet.

djhowzy

MSE_Laura_F said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My five friends and I are all parents and we get each other's children Christmas gifts. This year we've agreed not to buy toys, but to give each child £30 for their junior ISAs instead. I have one child, while my five friends each have two - if we go through with this, I'll be spending £300 on their children while our household will only get £150 from them. Should I ask my friends to each give my child £60?

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Hi there! Now that toys are to be omitted and we are talking money, especially as we are talking an ISA payment, this whole notion makes no sense whatsoever and opitomises how we as a culture have completely lost what Christmas is about. There is no point whatsoever in paying into each other's kid's ISA's. It's nothing tangible for the kids to get excited about (no toy or cash to spend), so it will be completely pointless and underappreciated from the kids perspectives. This is simply a showmanship or keeping up with the Jones's so to speak. If you have all reached this point, then it is time to end gifting and each parent simply pays money into their own kid's ISA's. I can't believe 6 sets of parents haven't concluded this between them already. Although, everyone is probably being polite and not wanting to ruffle any feathers and most of the group, I imagine do it to keep the peace.

I don't think it is unreasonable for you to speak up with the other parents and of course ask them straight if they can pay you double, but of course explain how this leaves you worse off than everyone else. Either pay into your own kids ISA's an amount of your choosing, or, if gifting is of major importance, perhaps agree between you to revert to a small item, gift card or chocolates? This arrangement definately needs a reset. Even if you all had 2 kids, the whole arrangement is pointless or exchanging an equal amount and adding to a balance that will not be spent for years.

FlorayG

I'm glad I gave up Christmas gift giving years ago if this is what it has come to. There should be no 'value' set on presents ( unless it's a "no more than £X" to prevent richer people going and spending silly money)
And £30 in an ISA is not a present it's an investment. What kids want is cash in their hand to spend!

ikkleruby

I see your point but this isn't a gift exchange, it's all of you putting money into savings. You could all agree that instead of giving gifts, you will put money into your OWN children's savings accounts, without agreeing an amount. 

Or you could arrange to get together with all of the kids at a play centre or the park and do Secret Santa for the adults in the friend group. The kids benefit from being all together for a play date. The adults benefit from having a gift for themselves for once, without excess toys. Limit for gifts is still around £30, but you just buy one.

JayD

Why don't you all agree to NOT gift anything to each other,.

Or maybe give each child a SMALL bag of 'healthy' sweets - so the children get something to unwrap and enjoy that doesn't clutter the household and you can all relax about money. You would be buying 10 bags of sweets and your child will get 5 bags. Or would you still feel hard done by????

Failing that, have another child!!!!