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Money Moral Dilemma: Should my friends gift my only child more money since they each have two kids?

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  • onesixfive
    onesixfive Posts: 495 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    What a stupid senseless waste of money for every family. If you insist on exchanging gifts why not adopt a "secret santa" theme & and draw a name from a hat so that every child get a (small) gift or a monetary amount. That way everyone pays only once!
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 35,083 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Savvy Shopper!
    elsien said:
    I'm now getting a bit irritated by the people saying "I only have one child but my brother has four, so it's not fair."

    People need to get a grip. I don't have any children, I have 5 nieces and nephews. I buy them gifts because I want to, because they are valued members of my family and I want to be involved in their lives. If I can only afford a token present that's what they get. I really don't care what I get back or whether I am spending more than my brother spends on me. If I can't afford it then I spend less.

    It really is that easy. 
    Me too.

    It's like the 'I go out to eat with friends and they order expensive food and drink a lot but expect me to split the bill'.
    If it bothers you, say something.
    When did we become a nation of agreeing to something that secretly we don't agree with?
    I guess it was when we got into the habit of asking random strangers on t'interweb what they think of a situation.


  • Absolutely not. A gift is a gift. If you no longer wish to gift to your friends children just tell them.
  • SStitanic
    SStitanic Posts: 53 Forumite
    Sixth Anniversary 10 Posts
    Why did you agree it in the first place, they must be rubbing their hands in glee, it’s not a fair system. Just tell them as it’s simply money that you will pay their gifts into to your childs account and vice versa, that way you only pay one £30 from each i.e £150 total and they can all pay one £30 to EACH of their children from you. 
  • Louise600
    Louise600 Posts: 22 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    Just agree to stop gifting for each other's children and tell them they can put the money they would have spent on your child into their own children's savings accounts. 
  • I would suggest to your friends that you all save yourselves the hassle of ‘exchanging’ money between one another. It would be much more straightforward for each of you to save the money you would have paid in purchasing gifts - directly into your own children’s accounts. Each of you can then save whatever you can afford.
  • Like someone has already said “a gift is something that should be given willingly” not begrudgingly because they have more children than you.  

    Talk to them about not giving any presents to each others children - with Christmas now being a busy and expensive time some or all of them may be relieved not to.
  • Christmas is not all about money and did one family spend the same as another. its about love and peace  and if your heart tells you to give a present  and you can afford to then do so  . But a money swapping scheme does not have much of the Christian spirit of Christmas in it. I don't think its going in the spirit of Santa either! You have very strange friends if you think kids look forward to ISA cheques!
  • Tell the parents that after thinking about it, it will be fairer if you give each of their children £15 each. Or, as has already been suggested, parents simply put £30 (or £15) into their own child's ISA.
  • Ed264
    Ed264 Posts: 123 Forumite
    100 Posts Second Anniversary
    Surely all your five friends would have thought "Hang on, we're getting £60 for our children, yet we're only giving her £30, which isn't fair".  
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