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Money Moral Dilemma: Should my friends gift my only child more money since they each have two kids?

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Comments

  • ggloria007
    ggloria007 Posts: 44 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    edited 28 September at 1:37AM
    I think we have a double double dilemma here:
    - What it is the best for adults (inequality of those paying) 
    - What it is best for children (equality of those receiving) 
    Obviously as a paying parent you are cought up with the first.

    It will be impossible to resolve your dilemma on an extremely rational level... 

    Also having a sense that majority or people here judging you have more than one child...

     if this is true it speaks for itself...

    We don't have children but keep paying for my sister in laws 3 kids 3x£70x2=£520 for their Xmas and birthday ... and she (medical doctor) turns up with the Costco box of chokes for my hubbies birthday... bearly £10...  I don't say anything but it pisses me off... 

  • Definitely not, unless you want to fall out with them. Like others I think it is a daft idea anyway, just passing the same amount of money round to each child you might as well not bother but everyone put the money in your own childrens ISA's, I think a gift voucher would be better if you want to give gifts as each child can get something suitable for them. Don't forget even though you only have 1 child getting £30 from each family, each of your friends children will also only get £30. What you are suggesting means your child will get £60 from each family, which won't go down very well as they get older. I suggest if you are unhappy about this arrangement you have a chat with your friends, personally I do not see why you have all set such a high sum of £30 for each child, it should be more reasonable and something everyone can afford, alternatively why not give a combined monetary gift to a childrens charity instead.


  • Zabadak!
    Zabadak! Posts: 6 Forumite
    Seventh Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    My daughter has two children, my son has one. My daughter spends £20 on her nephew, my son spends £10 each on her two. At the end of the day it’s a token gift the children enjoy opening.
  • Hoenir
    Hoenir Posts: 4,506 Forumite
    1,000 Posts First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Sad that Xmas has become all about money spent. Rather than the simple act of giving a small gift.  The total commercialism of Xmas has destroyed the charm and enjoyment in many ways of what it should be. 
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 35,083 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Savvy Shopper!

    We don't have children but keep paying for my sister in laws 3 kids 3x£70x2=£520 for their Xmas and birthday ... and she (medical doctor) turns up with the Costco box of chokes for my hubbies birthday... bearly £10...  I don't say anything but it passes me off... 

    If it 'passes' (sic) you off, why do you still keep giving to the children?
    Are they appreciative?
    Do they say 'thank you' for the money?
  • Debbie9009
    Debbie9009 Posts: 303 Forumite
    Third Anniversary 100 Posts Name Dropper
    So you will be giving £60 to your friends with two children and want them to give you £60 for your child so that it’s the same amount, honestly what’s the point. You will be swapping your £60 for someone else’s £60, you should all just keep your money and put whatever you want into your child’s ISA 
  • Best way I can see is to tell your friends you'll give the £30 to your child and say it's from them and they can do the same. If they object then hey presto the subject of unequal expenditure has been begun by them.
  • moggs119
    moggs119 Posts: 6 Forumite
    Third Anniversary First Post
    Why people get involved with these hairbrained schemes is beyond me. 
  • sheramber
    sheramber Posts: 20,413 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts I've been Money Tipped! Name Dropper
    This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

    My five friends and I are all parents and we get each other's children Christmas gifts. This year we've agreed not to buy toys, but to give each child £30 for their junior ISAs instead. I have one child, while my five friends each have two - if we go through with this, I'll be spending £300 on their children while our household will only get £150 from them. Should I ask my friends to each give my child £60?

    Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

    B If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.
     Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.
     View past Money Moral Dilemmas.You can ask but how well do you think it will go down.
    You can ask but how well do think it will go down.

    Or will one the friends say' wait a minute'. your child will get £60 from each and mine will only get £30. That's not fair.'

    What happened to meaning  of  Christmas?
  • When it gets to this point the spirit of Christmas and gifting has gone! I personally would call it a day and agree to stop now, as the kids are past the stage of toys and gifts.
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