We'd like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum. This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are - or become - political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.

Money Moral Dilemma: Should my friends gift my only child more money since they each have two kids?

1567810

Comments

  • Brie
    Brie Posts: 12,478 Ambassador
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    Other way around maybe - your child can have £30 and each of theirs can have £15
    I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Debt Free Wannabe and Old Style Money Saving boards.  If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.

    "Never retract, never explain, never apologise; get things done and let them howl.”  Nellie McClung
  • Abbafan1972
    Abbafan1972 Posts: 7,089 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    i would suggest that this stops now. 
    Striving to clear the mortgage before it finishes in Dec 2028 - amount currently owed - £36,632.39
  • amysquie
    amysquie Posts: 19 Forumite
    10 Posts First Anniversary
    No. You cannot request more money for your kid. The group has obviously realised that everyone buying each other's kids toys they don't need is a pointless expenditure. So I would say to the group that everyone passing around £30 is just as pointless and you may as well all just put £30 in your own kid's ISA. It is worth remembering each kid ends up with the same £150 though, and each family pays £270, yours pays £300 so there's not much in it. Some will twig and think, hey, they only have to put in £30 and we have to put in £60 but then maybe they'll realise it's all just a silly idea whichever way you look at it! 
  • This is the reason I never got into giving gifts to friends children at Christmas. Only got a gift if invited to a birthday party. This just becomes a game of moving money around rather than gifting, which should involve more thought. Once you start it's hard to stop as no one wants to be that person. 

    It sounds like no child in this situation actually needs £30 if it's going in an ISA. I would suggest you either opt out or you can suggest that you all stop the gift transfer now, you may well find many others are relieved. 

    How about suggesting each child make something for the other child, if they are old enough, or the gift needs to be a reuse item maybe coming from a charity shop. You can set a more reasonable financial limit too. 

    I don't think you can ask for double for your child. That's just not how gifting works. I also think £30 sounds very generous for a friend's child. I don't spend that much on nieces and nephews but I assume it's a figure connected to how much you earn etc.

  • Agent57
    Agent57 Posts: 73 Forumite
    Seventh Anniversary 10 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    No.  Just give them a satsuma and a lump of coal.

    And expect a hand-written thank you note in return. 
  • Q11
    Q11 Posts: 7 Forumite
    Second Anniversary Photogenic First Post
    edited 27 September at 3:17PM
    You’re paying out £300 to have £150 put into your child’s isa! 
    It’s definitely not fair. 
    Just tell them it seems silly to hand out the same money to each other and it would be easier just to put it money into their own children’s accounts.  You can then put the £150 into your own child’s account. 
    I have more children than my friends so told them to stop giving money.  
  • Fluffy2
    Fluffy2 Posts: 14 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    I can't believe you have the gall to even ask the question. So presuming this is actually a true quiery, then no dont ask for more. It is giving. Produce another sprog if you feel so upity about your friends . They are not getting more. Each of them is giving £60 per family. Your the only case where they are spending less so the difference is actually £30 , dont be a tight a**
  • I think we have a double double dilemma here:
    - What it is the best for adults (inequality of those paying) 
    - What it is best for children (equality of those receiving) 
    Obviously as a paying parent you are cought up with the first.

    It will be impossible to resolve your dilemma on an extremely rational level... 

    Also having a sense that majority or people here judging you have more than one child...

     if this is true it speaks for itself...

    We don't have children but keep paying for my sister in laws 3 kids 3x£70x2=£520 for their Xmas and birthday ... and she (medical doctor) turns up with the Costco box of chokes for my hubbies birthday... bearly £10...  I don't say anything but it pisses me off... 

    Firstly, 3x£70 =£210, x2 =£420 not £520;

    Secondly, stop spending so much - get them a selection box and if you’re feeling generous, a card with a fiver or tenner in it. Job done. No more resentment, healthier wallet / savings account, and sister in law told off gently. 

    In my family, for birthdays children 0-5 get sweets, 6-12 get sweets and a fiver, 13-17 get sweets and a tenner, at 18 they get £50, then nothing until 21 when they get £100, and no more after that. Christmas gifts are something for the whole family, eg around the holiday season we’ll have a day out where I’d buy tea and cakes or ice creams and others would buy lunch or drinks and we’d all buy our own entrance or show tickets.

    None of us has a lot of money but we all know how to have fun and share the load so no one is forced to spend more than they can afford. And no tons of plastic tat to be recycled!
  • I can understand how you feel so why don't you suggest that each of you maybe hosts a fun dinner/tea party each week from beginning Dec leading up to Xmas and even for new year. Some games so the kids will enjoy playing with each other, maybe couple fave food items, while you and your friends make couple cocktails and enjoy the Christmas feeling.  Your company is your gift to each other and the kids will just enjoy.
  • TracyRing
    TracyRing Posts: 1 Newbie
    First Post
    If you are questionning this then it is time to say actually let's give up gifting the kids now and allow each parent to put the relevant money away for their own child.  That way no disputes of he/she's got more kids than me so costs me more.  Do your own thing.
Meet your Ambassadors

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 346.7K Banking & Borrowing
  • 251.4K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 451.5K Spending & Discounts
  • 238.9K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 614.5K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 174.9K Life & Family
  • 252.2K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 16K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards

Is this how you want to be seen?

We see you are using a default avatar. It takes only a few seconds to pick a picture.