Money Moral Dilemma: I loaned my friend £1,000 and she isn't paying it back - what should I do?

Redundolita

Write it off, write your so-called friend off. Do let her know that she isn't welcome at your funeral (if you're having one...) And let your friendship group and her husband, both of whom may be clueless or may have lost money to her requests for 'loans' in the past. I doubt you are on your own.

What a deceitful, wretched excuse for a human being - especially given her knowledge of your condition. Some people just shouldn't be able to draw breath; I am sorry for your situation and hope that you can put this nasty aggravation to one side on concentrate on living your best life in what time remains. Best to you.

MW68

I agree with your daughter you should write off the loan. It is so sad people behave like this, but it says more about them than it does about you. You were a good friend and they took advantage, that does not make you stupid only kind. Too often people mistake one for the other. I lent my older brother £600 towards a car, mostly so my retired parents didn't have to this time. I knew he might not pay it back and I could stand the loss. He paid back just over half, but after 2 years I wrote the rest off. I told my parents to stop them from lending to him again. Surround yourself with the love of good people in your last days and let this person go from your life.

Babsiebaby882

Norma_B said:

Hi his is my dilemma so I don't know if I'm really allowed to comment on it but perhaps to clarify. I've loaned my friend money loads of times - once it was £3000 and we wrote it off after she'd given back £1500. We are lucky enough to be in the position where this kind of money is not make or break and this dilemma has never really been about the money. There were never written agreements because it was always just about helping a friend.  She and her family are all on lots of benefits and I think she has always had problems trying to manage a budget. I know there are different ways I should I have tried to help her learn but sometimes it's about dealing with the emergency in front of you.  She doesn't have many friends and I don't think they'd be in a position to offer this kind of help so I don't think she'd be doing this to them.  The problem this time is I did tell her how much it had upset me firstly cos she'd implied it was just till her next payments came in as she had less than £100 to last till then and secondly when she casually offered to pay it back in what would amount to 4 years with  much lower payments than she'd ever done before, knowing I may only have a year. Her response was to say I'd called her a user and our friendship was over.  When I tried asking a couple more times about when she might try / be able to pay she threatened to call the police and accuse me of harassment!! 

Honey I’m so sorry to read this. It’s quite obvious she has taken these funds knowing she has no intention of paying you back.
i think you need to do 3 things:
1. Tell the husband although I have a feeling he will know.
2. Shame her amongst those in your social circle so they know the depth of her depravity.
3. Say goodbye to the money and the friendship. She has used you as a cash cow for long enough. In her mind you can afford it so what’s the big deal. 

I would ensure when arranging for your funeral plans that your family and friends know she isn’t welcome and as to why. 

Take care darling, enjoy the time you have left with your dear family and real friends xxx

Sheepies

This makes me sick.  There are some horrendous people out there and I've had the misfortune to have met more than my fair share of them too.  I'm a giver, just like the poor OP and far too many takers latch onto people like us.  If that were me I would be making my daughter promise to take her to SCC.  Either that or I'd find a way to come back and haunt the horrible woman!  Sorry, that wasn't to make light of your situation, it just makes me so angry when horrible people get away with this kind of stuff.  I genuinely hope you find a way to get past this in the time you have left and I'm so sorry for your whole situation.

Hoscar

You should definitely tell her husband , you might get your money back that way, your “friend” has done a really dirty thing to you and deserves some sort of retribution, nasty people don’t deserve to get away with things .

Diana2014

I am so very sorry to see this.
Do tell the husband, certainly.
The friendship with this dishonest "borrower" is clearly a lost cause but the money can be retrieved, although not necessarily by you.
The debt does not die when you do. If she doesn't repay the loan to you, then your estate (ie your executor, if you have a will; your administrator, if not) has the legal right to get the money back from her in your place. They'll need to do that because debts owed to you at the time of your death are assets of your estate and therefore included for Inheritance Tax purposes.

Marinskaya

When your friend asked for the loan, what did she say it was for? Was it to pay off another debt? And what could be her reason for avoiding repayment?

Your friend has been "short" several times before, which suggests she has no savings. She may be in a spiral of debt and depression - which would explain why she's reluctant - or unable - to discuss the matter. If she's genuinely a friend, you will be concerned about these possibilities.

You also have your own needs to think of. You didn't mention whether or not you need the money. Maybe you need it for medical treatment, or a holiday while you still have time. 

I don't see anything wrong with approaching the friend's husband. If he can afford to pay you back, he may do so. If his wife is in difficulties, he needs to know. 

Norma_B

Just to update everyone. It was interesting to note that my 'friend' threatened me with the police for harassment (I'd asked her 3 times about how and when she'd pay back the money) just after I'd asked her if her husband knew about the situation and she said 'of course he does'. The threat was what made me decide to contact him. I wrote that I understood he knew all about the situation but I wanted him to understand that it was NEVER about the money as I'd never quibbled all the other times I'd loaned her money and I explained why I was so upset this time. (I don't believe he knew about those either).  The upshot was I got several shocked texts from him and he didn't know about any of this (I believe him as she deals with all the banking stuff) and the next day the full amount owed was put into our account. She also sent me a rather sarcastic text about it being given back and the statement was proof. We have not spoken to them since. I felt terrible doing it that way because her husband is a really nice guy. None of his family have anything to do with and blame her but we only ever heard her version of everything and now I think he is being cut off from everyone it's so sad

onomatopoeia99

Write it off, but that person is not a friend.

Pollycat

onomatopoeia99 said:

Write it off, but that person is not a friend.

If you read the post above yours, the originator of the MMD has come back with an update to say they have got the money back.