Money Moral Dilemma: I loaned my friend £1,000 and she isn't paying it back - what should I do?

65Freddie

Well, this lady is obviously not the friend you thought she was. To borrow from you persistently is bad enough, but to borrow now, when she knows you are not well and unlikely to see the full amount returned to you, is despicable.  (By the way, if the loan is noted down, I am sure it would still be repayable to your Estate, if the worst should happen and you pass before she has repaid?!)  Definitely tell her husband, if he really doesn't know what she is up to, he needs to be made aware of her borrowing and debt level. She could easily be borrowing lots more money and he will end up in serious financial straits in the future, plus he might be able to get her some help and stop her obvious overspending.  The husband might not pay you back, but at least he is forewarned, so you would be doing him a favour and if you take the view that you probably won't get repaid, your stress level won't increase.  

dilligaf_j

Dont write this off. Given your comments on your medical situation, what more have you got to lose really?
Insist on the money being paid in a more timely manner.

scher

I don't see why you should lose the money. Talk to her, give her a timeline to pay it back by and tell her if it isn't paid by then that  you will take her to the small claims court. This isn't as harrowing as it sounds, just complete the forms and she will end up paying what she owes you plus costs. You could use this mony for a nice treat for yourself/your family while you still have the time. Do it now, then ditch her and enjoy the rest of your life.

Tennisfan55

Speak to her and her husband together and ask for the money back. Then if you do manage to get it back, splurge on something for you and your daughter. 

A.leMan

Three Words

Small Claims Court!

My wife and I are in a similar situation, She loaned a "best friend" some money (£2K), as her car  had a major issue, and she was throwing good money after bad to try and get it fixed, the car is essential to her as she is a mobile beautician. They didn't know how they would be able to repay it, but as it had come out of a pension lump sum, we wouldn't miss it, so we said pay it back as and when you can, if that was two years or five years it didn't matter, we were prepared to write it off as a gift, but didn't tell them that.

Anyway, two years later one of her daughters, my wife's god daughter actually, turned 18 and was having serious issues with her mother, which was affecting her mental health resulting in self harm, and she was desperate to move out, but had nowhere to go. We tried to talk to the mother about things and her moving into our spare room for a time to let things settle down, but she was adamant that it was all in her daughters mind, and was thinking about having her sectioned as she was "schizophrenic". Things came to a head, and our god daughter appeared on our doorstep with her things, and so we let her stay. The mother went ape sh*t accusing us of kidnapping her and grooming her, and happily telling everyone she knew that we my wife was evil. This could have caused serious issues for my wife who works in a school.

Long story short we have requested the money back, several times, but she has said that they can only afford £5 a week (Over 8 Years to pay back), despite her husband finally getting a job. In the end we have decided to go to the SCC, and think that we actually have a good case. It's a simple process that can be done online.

ShinyStarlight1

I would be steaming if I lent money and was not paid it back. It would feel disrespectful and parasitic. In fact, it would deeply destabilise that friendship for me.

Ringo90

If I were your daughter I would also try to put your mind at peace and encourage you to start accepting you might not see the money again, for the sake of whatever time you have left. However at the same time, I would offer to contact the husband myself. I would explain to him that I speak on behalf of my mother, who is already going through a hard time as it is. And hopefully see some sort of reaction.

Candygirl10296

I would let it go.  Losing the money will hurt less than losing your friend.  That happened to me.  I do not believe she set out to keep my money, I think she genuinely couldn’t afford to repay it.  I never told her husband, I thought she had enough trouble without me causing more.  She’s dead now and I don’t regret it. 

Bellisima

A very close relative asked me for a loan to get her dog X-rayed (he was very poorly).  I gave it to her as a gift as I didn’t know how she would repay it anyway and it wasn’t a huge sum.  Later she asked me for £1000  to take her daughter on holiday after a breakup with her boyfriend.  I said no as a holiday wouldn’t make the breakup any easier and I felt it was just spoiling her a bit too much.   We’ve all had painful breakups and you just have to deal with it don’t you?  In your situation I would let it go and also question what kind of friend would ask a friend for a loan when in your situation.  Very uncomfortable for you I’m sure.  I would also break ties with this so called friend.  I think when you lend anyone  money you have to be prepared to maybe not get it back, or sign a loan agreement of some kind.  I’m sure you want peace and tranquility so let it go.

youth_leader

You have to write it off, and sadly the friendship too.  Desperate times I think for your friend.

I worked as a lecturer at an FE college and a member of staff often used to ask me for loans.  I always gave her the money, she never paid me back.  I started dreading seeing her approach my desk and when she ordered from my catalogue and her cheques bounced, I said I couldn't help her any longer.   Very sadly, and very publically as she lived in the same road as the college, her house was repossessed.  Skip with her stuff in outside, big padlock on the door.

She turned up at my house one night later that week asking to use our phone to ring her husband in Spain.  She also asked for money to help her move into another hostel as she'd been separated from her son and daughter.  My husband and I were skint at the time with a massive mortgage, and let her use the phone in our bedroom.  She'd arrived as we were eating,  I remember giving her half of my egg and chips and £5 for a taxi back to her hostel.  I felt so badly that I'd 'enabled' her by lending her money so frequently, it hadn't helped her at all.  Looking back, I should at least have given her all of my dinner.