I've often loaned my friend money when she's been short, and she's always paid me back over a few months. This time, she borrowed £1,000 - but two weeks later, she asked if she could pay me £20 a month. I have a deteriorating medical condition, and this may be my final year - which she knows, so she must realise it'd take over four years to pay back and that I might not live to see it. I told her I was upset and felt used, and she paid me £50, but there's been no word and no more money since. My daughter thinks I should write it off for the sake of my mental health, but a friend thinks I should tell her husband, who doesn't know about the loans, to try and get it back from him. What would you do?
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Money Moral Dilemma: I loaned my friend £1,000 and she isn't paying it back - what should I do?

MSE_Kelvin
Posts: 375 MSE Staff

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Comments
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I would write it off. You probably won't get the money back whatever you do. I've done so when I lent a friend some money. They were very evasive about repaying, and I got fed up of asking for it, so just let them know that they didn't have to pay it back.
Your could tell her husband as well. Not so that he repays you, but so that he knows what she is doing. It is likely that she has borrowed money from other sources and not paid it back; her husband may be very aware of this or be completely in the dark. If you tell him, be might be able to help her or might at least protect himself from her. He can't do either if he doesn't know about it.The comments I post are my personal opinion. While I try to check everything is correct before posting, I can and do make mistakes, so always try to check official information sources before relying on my posts.14 -
Write it off and also write off that friend. You don't need that.
Tell her husband19 -
If you need the money then you should be agreeing the repayment plan at the time of giving the loan.
You told your friend that you were upset and felt used - and she only repaid £50! That's shocking. What has happened to all the money you loaned her?
Based on how your friend reacted when you spoke with her, and the fact that her husband doesn't know about the loans, I think your friend is up to no good. I would tell her husband who would hopefully, and based on your feeling and your medical condition, ensure a more prompt repayment of the money owed to you.
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She's not a friend. I agree the money is gone and she should be gone too. Telling her husband sounds a bit mean spirited but as others have said she's likely doing this to others and should be stopped. You're not able to do that but her husband might.I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Debt Free Wannabe and Old Style Money Saving boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.
"Never retract, never explain, never apologise; get things done and let them howl.” Nellie McClung8 -
To be honest, I'd advise the husband and your friendship group as there may be individuals who could ill afford to loose that money more than you.They are not a friend sadly. If you want to help people, direct them to a debt charity or this website for helpMay you find your sister soon Helli.
Sleep well.7 -
Unfortunately you can’t shut the stable door after the horse has bolted.2
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I would tell her that I know she won't be paying the money back, and how that disappoints me and makes me feel used. Then I would tell her husband the full details of money she's borrowed, because he won't know any of it. He deserves to know the truth about his wife. I'm so very sorry you've been treated so appallingly by someone who claimed to be your friend. I wish you peace x12
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What a vile individual with zero respect or thought for your condition. Why would you have given her so much money (I won’t say loan as it’s more theft) when you have little time left? She should be supporting you with treats and experiences so you have memories and she can continue your legacy but she is just a money-grabbing individual. Definitely tell her husband as he needs to know (if he doesn’t already?) and sort out this terrible scenario. Why did you not get it in writing? Why will people never learn that without that loan and repayment schedule written down you will never see your cash again, and she knows this. Instead of being a good, caring friend in your last months she has chosen to con you out of your money that could have been used for other vital things. She is cold and calculating and you do not need this in your life. What a waste of space and air she is.Also make sure she will NOT be welcome at your funeral where she will probably steal the flowers, money for charity or have a bag to take away all the food at the wake.
I can’t understand how people like this stay in the lives of decent folk when they treat them
like nothing and take, all the time. I would give anything to have a friend as they were all takers too and dumped me when I became disabled.
If you are a giver, know your limits because takers do not have any.Horrible woman- tell her husband and demand the money back and then inform her after telling friends and family too. I would also put an advert in the local paper just to let her, and everyone else in the area, know how she has behaved. She probably has a string of folks she owes cash to.Good luck and I hope you are as pain free as possible🙏12 -
There are no loans to friends, only gifts. If you are paid back it is a bonus.
I would mention it to their partner, unless you know that to do so would cause significant problems.4 -
I’m sorry to hear you are so poorly.Does not sound like you discussed repayment or have a pattern about what normally happens .
you say you lent money before but I assume not as much as this.I would definitely speak to the husband. You don’t know what the loan was for. So that might help you decide what sort of person she is.Whilst you might not get it back it does not sound like they were completely open.I lent money to a friend I did not like. She then avoided me as wanted to spend money treating herself rather than pay me back. It was only £100 but it did me a favour as she stopped contacting me.Good luck4
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