Money Moral Dilemma: I loaned my friend £1,000 and she isn't paying it back - what should I do?

neilmorgan

You haven't given enough information. Her relationship with her husband may be the reason for the borrowing. Telling her husband may put her life at risk. Just write it off and walk away. If she eventually pays then it's a bonus but don't hold your breath.

bikaga

Do you need the money? 

If not - I would write it (and her) off, and tell the husband anyway. In the worst case, you're no worse off but you have peace of mind. In the best case, you might see some of the ££ back (though he might be in on it, so don't get your hopes up). 

If you do need it, is there anyone else you both know who could have a more neutral position than her husband? Otherwise yeah, husband is your best bet... good luck.

squirrel59

I would do both. Tell the husband AND write it off. I'm so sorry you are ill. Best to draw a line under this BS, take a deep breath, and concentrate on what's really important. 

Roscow

She doesn't seem much of a friend and I guess it comes down as to whether you mind losing her "friendship". I can't stand it when people don't repay lent money, especially when they have borrowed from a friend.  For me, she needs to learn and be taught a lesson. I would certainly let her husband know, and anyone else who knows her, but I would quietly tell her your intentions if she doesn't repay and give her one last chance to cough up. The fact she is offering to pay you back over four years or so when she's aware you might not be around for that long is a crystal clear indicator of what she's about. She's not a nice person IMHO.

spudit2003

It's a tricky one, many people are very dismissive of the borrower, but given she has repaid in the past, and £1k isn't a small amount to most people (even if it is an amount you can afford to lose), she must be a pretty good friend usually. Seeing the OP's follow up post it seems the borrower has decided that the friendship is over due to the upset OP expressed.

I would consider whether or not you want to continue the friendship, given your particular position of not having long left, do you want to try and make it up, or move on? I wouldn't focus on the money - if you abandon the friendship it will be extremely difficult and really not worth it to get it back. If you try and repair the friendship, bringing it up will likely hamper those efforts. I would suggest writing a letter (or at least email) with your feelings in, this might sound odd in todays world, but putting it into a formal format can give the receiver an idea of how seriously you are taking what you are saying, ans showing you have properly considered what you wrote. If you do want to pursue the friendship I would suggest something along the lines of 'I trust you have a good reason for not being able to repay me the money at the moment, I do not have the time/effort/inclination to chase you for it, but hope that if you are ever in a position to repay you will do so, to me or my daughter.' - this kinda lets her off the hook, but leaves the seed of doing the right thing. Theres a myriad of reasons that she might not be able to pay back just now, and possibly hadn't fully thought through the implications of £20/month. It's possible that she saw an opportunity to use you - which is very sad for both (arguably more for her, and possibly why she hasn't got many friends).

[Deleted User]

Let her know you are willing to pursue the money.  Ask her what she is doing about it, and suggest her husband may have to be involved if she cannot pay.  I wouldn't tell him before mentioning the possibility of it to your friend.  Are you prepared to risk his reaction if you suspect he could be violent?

dodgydealer

 It's worth noting that it's common in such case for someone to first borrow a series of small loans and repay them promptly to build up confidence in them then go for a big loan with no intention of repaying it. I would certainly tell her husband since as others have remarked he may be unaware. 

gropinginthedark

Assume any "loan" to a friend may be, in their eyes, a gift.  Often you'll be wrong, they'll pay it back but if you start off with the assumption it's not coming back, you'll not be disappointed if it doesn't.  If you can't afford to write off a loan, don't lend it in the first place.

longslong

Tell her husband! It’s manipulation…. What is she spending this money on. And she knows your situation which is worse…. Then walk away… enjoy your family and make memories xx

MikeJXE

I would write it off but not tell her husband 

You don’t want the blame for any bad feeling that might arise