Money Moral Dilemma: Should us bridesmaids have to pay for the bride to attend her own hen parties?

ZeroSum

Fatsdom said:

sheramber said:

Fatsdom said:

I'm from an international culture where the bride doesn't pay a penny for anything so I'm fully supportive of paying for both hen parties. Yes, it is undoubtedly going to cost a bit of money but most of the guests wouldn't think twice about paying for themselves to be pampered in a five star hotel in Paris/Dubai or go on a skiing holiday, so why not do it for a dear friend? It's only money, and it won't cost that much.

No doubt the guests will all quite happily enjoy the meal and entertainment at the wedding too.

So yes, I think they should pay, and if they don't they are mean spirited and frankly the bride doesn't need them.

You live in a doffernt world to most of us , if not all, here

I have never set foor is a n5 star hotel in Paris or Dubai, never mind have a pamper in one.

Then you need to live a bit more. My husband works day and night so we can do these things. We make sacrifices all the time, we don't use a gardener or tutors for the kids, but holidays are "our" time and it's non negotiable. 

Try it sometime, you might like it!

No gardener or private tutor 
You're just trolling now

ZeroSum

We got married recently, and wouldn't dream of expecting anything from anyone.

My stag do, was uk weekend away (kept it as cheap as reasonably possible), others chipped in for drinks which was their collective idea. I never asked or expected it.

We paid for all the clothes & other stuff for bridesmaids & best man. Even put on some free drinks at the venue, as felt a bit guilty at how much the drinks were, and didn't want to guests feel put out.

twopenny

If the bride wants it she pays for it.

No way should you pay for her whims and celebration.

The old saying 'I want doesn't get' springs to mind.

One thing I would advise is that if you go for the holiday stay, take out insurance against the trip not going ahead. I've answered a few posts where guests have booked hotels abroad because the bride and groom want their wedding there - then split up or changed their minds about venue.

RuthieM

Sorry, but I would definitely say NO!!

Jjay

When we got married, I didn’t even attend my own hen do 😂 I actually took the view that our wedding was about the groom and me and I most certainly didn’t want to ‘put on’ anyone else, expense or otherwise!! 

When predictably asked by friends, I just said “not having one” and I’m pretty sure everyone breathed a sigh of relief (as I did)! Money for old rope.

Think of the Vodafone Martin Freeman ad where he complains about shelling out for an abroad wedding. Same applies. Don’t impose it on anyone else. The reality, most people don’t give a stuff whether you’re getting married or not (and why would they?) 😊 since covid, simple is the way to go.

If you can’t enjoy the whole thing with your one and only and maybe a few close relatives (goes for the wedding too), why?

[Deleted User]

You and the other bridesmaids most definitely should NOT be paying for the bride’s share of the hen dos. I’m afraid she is taking you for a ride, pure and simple. I would even go further than that and ask yourself whether this person is worthy of your friendship going forward. Hope this helps.

JayD

Well, tradition has it that everyone going on the hen party covers the cost of the bride going on it ... but you have two! That's a bit much to fork out for - especially the one abroad! I suppose it depends who else is going. If there are others then they will certainly need to pay their portion of the bride's costs on these events and the bridesmaids - or the hen do organisers should be telling everyone they will need to be paying for her and  just what their fraction of the bride's costs will come to.

Pollycat

JayD said:

Well, tradition has it that everyone going on the hen party covers the cost of the bride going on it ... 

Really?
Is that a UK tradition or one of those silly traditions that have hopped over the Atlantic?

Chasidah123

Back out from the whole thing now. Do it before you commit to any event/ purchase clothing/ book flights and tickets. You may, initially, feel awkward and embarrassed. However, I think after these feelings subside, you will feel such relief to be away from it all. Buy the bride a small gift, offer a modest meal out as a celebration of her wedding. You can still participate in her festivities without bankrupting yourself. Make any excuse to step back from this. If she is a true friend, she will understand. If she reacts badly, then she wasn't worth putting yourself through all the stress and financial hardship. Good luck with your decision! 

tastyfish

Fatsdom said:

sheramber said:

Fatsdom said:

I'm from an international culture where the bride doesn't pay a penny for anything so I'm fully supportive of paying for both hen parties. Yes, it is undoubtedly going to cost a bit of money but most of the guests wouldn't think twice about paying for themselves to be pampered in a five star hotel in Paris/Dubai or go on a skiing holiday, so why not do it for a dear friend? It's only money, and it won't cost that much.

No doubt the guests will all quite happily enjoy the meal and entertainment at the wedding too.

So yes, I think they should pay, and if they don't they are mean spirited and frankly the bride doesn't need them.

You live in a doffernt world to most of us , if not all, here

I have never set foor is a n5 star hotel in Paris or Dubai, never mind have a pamper in one.

Then you need to live a bit more. My husband works day and night so we can do these things. We make sacrifices all the time, we don't use a gardener or tutors for the kids, but holidays are "our" time and it's non negotiable. 

Try it sometime, you might like it!

wow, what a frugal life you lead not paying for gardeners or tutors, your* sacrifices should be applauded...  
What else do you not pay for, a Range Rover, a butler and monthly spa membership like the rest of us?

*your husband's