Money Moral Dilemma: Should us bridesmaids have to pay for the bride to attend her own hen parties?

pollypenny

It just astonishing to me - the extravagance of two hen night, let alone expecting someone else to pay for it. 

ShinyStarlight1

Weddings have become like Christmas - a spendathon where the core meaning is swamped by social pressure and financial strain. Only the related businesses benefit.

I had no engagement party or hen party before I got married. I put my money into hiring a lovely venue for the weekend so my guests could relax and mingle, rest, or have fun. Their only expense was getting there (it was in the UK). My bridesmaids only paid for their dresses, which were under £100. It was the happiest day of my life and our guests still tell us what a lovely time they had even though a decade has passed. It’s not about the money.

Emmasophie

Unless the bridesmaids are all multi millionaires and money means nothing then absolutely not!
Extravagence should be paid for by the person who thinks they can afford it.
If I have money I want to spend it on my children. I have some very good friends and we gladly buy each other treats but this is too much.

garfield33

In recent years I have been bridesmaid twice and have been happy to pay towards the bride’s hen do costs - but both were UK based and not expensive.
For a hen do abroad - I think I’d expect the bride to pay for her own flights / accommodation and then the hens cover the food / drink / activities (within reason).

On a side note - sometimes a hen do is the only time you can get all your friends together in one place (and sometimes the last time it happens once marriage, careers and kids happen), and I tend to enjoy them more than the wedding, which is full of people you don’t know and more formal. So while they’re not for everyone, and we’ve all got disaster stories from them (I’ve been on ones with fights, and broken bones) they can be important.

Groom

What happened to the bride or her parents paying for everything? I follow several American sites where it seems to be the custom that brides maids pay for their own dresses etc and then if they upset the bride they are uninvited at the last minute. If the bride wants two hen parties, she pays for herself. Just tell whoever is organising them that you can’t afford to go on both and you certainly can’t afford to contribute to the bride’s portion. 

mikecolonoscopypilot404

Why not get the bridesmaids to pay for the Stag night too? Or help with the deposit on a house ? and what about the future childrens school fees? It is just a load of rubbish draw the line now before the grasping wench wants your pension!

mikecolonoscopypilot404

Has anyone warned the groom yet?

hlane1

No. Don't di it.

Skiing_Honeydew_Melon4

It’s a tough spot they’ve put you in.

It’s a very very big and selfish ask from the Bride. Many people wouldn’t. A very limited few, ie those with the resources, might do it to keep the peace, or would genuinely be happy to pay because they did the same at their weddings.

But i imagine for most people, this idea of paying for the Bride, to the extent you have described, is just repellent. 

Was this the bride’s idea or the maid of honour’s? Whoever came up with this idea without agreeing it with the party in advance has just been selfish and self centred, without thinking about whether it is fair or affordable to anyone else. 

Could you talk to them? Say it’s going to be expensive enough with each paying for their own. Suggest chipping in for a meal or some drinks for the Bride is the norm - (which might be say thirty forty pounds each) - but any vacation or weekend away (which could be hundreds of pounds) should be paid for by the people going. If they don’t understand that, then do you really want to be a bridesmaid? 

What else is the bride/MoH expecting from you - are you paying for your own dresses etc? Most weddings i have seen have been where the Bride and Groom have even paid for the bridesmaids dresses etc too. They are after all honouring the couple by helping the bride plan the wedding etc.. they are not, a source of funding for any part of the wedding itself. 

Do let us know how this works out for you. 

Agent57

It does not matter if it is one hen do or ten
It does not matter if it is in London or Sydney

The answer is still No.