Money Moral Dilemma: Should us bridesmaids have to pay for the bride to attend her own hen parties?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

 I've been asked to be a bridesmaid, which will include going to a dress fitting and two hen parties - one in the UK and one abroad. The bride's expecting the other bridesmaids and me to pay for these events ourselves, and also pay for her portion between us. Given that we've agreed to go to all these events for her, should we have to pay for her to attend them too?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

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DullGreyGuy

Is it the maid of honour that has set up these two events or the bride themselves? 

There is no right or wrong answer and many people have opposing views on it. To me if it's something minor (food/drinks etc) then fine for the attendees to chip in and cover the hen/stag between them. If its a week in a 5* hotel in Dubai then feels more appropriate for them to pay for themselves and maybe one meal/drinks etc is split 

Hopefully whoever is organising it will have come to an agreement with others before committing. 

Brie

It's things like this where some overzealous individual (bride or otherwise) has arranged something that they think is perfectly fine and affordable but without taking into account the other people attending.  I've heard of lots of people dropping out of a wedding all together because they are being asked to pay well above their ability.  

Emmia

Brie said:

It's things like this where some overzealous individual (bride or otherwise) has arranged something that they think is perfectly fine and affordable but without taking into account the other people attending.  I've heard of lots of people dropping out of a wedding all together because they are being asked to pay well above their ability.  

I also think that the idea of paying for the bride is ridiculous, the bride should pay their way for these events, especially if it's an overseas trip.

CapeTown

No no no. Two hen parties and then forking out for an incredibly selfish bride. What a piece of work. Sorry but this is ridiculous 

bikaga

Whoever came up with the idea of having TWO parties and one of them abroad should have checked how they're funded before assuming you'll pay for it. I would not. Splitting the bride's dinner and buying her a drink or two, fine, but anything bigger should've been agreed before making decisions and arrangements. And especially expecting you to pay for *two* outings for yourself plus someone else's part?

Unless you all don't have any money worries (in which case the bride could just pay for herself), that's an expensive ask. 

Also word of warning: If you do decide to go ahead with it anyway, make sure you check what you're in for with the actual wedding in terms of stuff you're expected to pay for - bridesmaid's dresses, matching shoes, hair and make up from a specific expensive salon, staying over at the venue the night before so you can get all ready together, a photo shoot, who knows.

sheramber

There is no rule about what you pay.

It is what is agreed by those concerned.

If everybody else is in agreement then you may need to decline the invitation to be a bridesmaid if you can’t/ don’t want to pay.

Personally, I would not be paying.

Incidentally, My Dil paid for all her bridesmaid expenses. There was a hen party at a local venue. 

nczm

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

 I've been asked to be a bridesmaid, which will include going to a dress fitting and two hen parties - one in the UK and one abroad. The bride's expecting the other bridesmaids and me to pay for these events ourselves, and also pay for her portion between us. Given that we've agreed to go to all these events for her, should we have to pay for her to attend them too?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.
Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.
View past Money Moral Dilemmas.

I never have and never will understand the concept of “paying for the bride”. This was fine when a hen party was a meal and a few drinks but now that the standard is a weekend away it’s utterly ridiculous.

I do agree that the bride shouldn’t have to pay for a drink on a boozy night out. Can you say you’ll put money in a kitty to cover her drinks?

2702

Please do not be daft.Think long term will you still know the bride in 5 years? Do you want to know the bride in 5 years?

nomadicpensioner

The fact that you're asking the question at all suggests to me that you feel you are being asked for too much here. I think your gut feeling here is right. Presumably she is a good friend, so be honest with her. You might be able to help her to better decisions on her wedding celebrations, and the other bridesmaids may also be grateful for your intervention. 

Q11

I’ve never heard of ‘paying for the bride’ 
The answer is a straight forward NO!